Forever In Your Debt
by prettytimemachine
Summary: Violet is a first class girl on her way to America with her family. Forced into a life she never wanted or belonged to, she has accepted her fate. Until she meets a third class man that might give her a reason to break free from her social status and responsibilities. Will she make the right decision in time or does fate have something else in store for her? Tommy Ryan & OC
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

April 10th, 1912

I had heard that the Titanic was rumored to be the biggest and fastest ship ever made. The sheer size of the luxury steamer sparked much anticipation in everyone. Standing here now in front of the Titanic, I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Was that really what everyone was anticipating and waiting for? Yes it was beautiful, but I was expecting something…well, bigger.

My steel prison that was called the Titanic sat silhouetted against the clear sky. The onlookers and soon to be passengers marveled at its sheer size and beauty. I had to acknowledge that it was a beautiful sight to behold. But I would never admit it to anyone, least of all my parents. Standing here against the grandest ship in the world made me feel even smaller than I had felt most of my life. It was impressive really, to see such a massive vessel made by the hands of man. It was frightening, looking at the ship that would take me to America, to my future. A future I had no control over.

My mother and father broke the news to me only months ago. My whole life they were always pestering me about my future and carrying on the name of the Harker family. I wanted no part of it, any of it. Especially if my parents were to be involved, which they would, I could depend on that. They would be with me like they had been from the moment I was born, holding my hand, telling me sit up straighter, smile, be polite, sip your tea, why aren't you wearing a corset?! I was practically living my life by someone else's standards and rules. Which is why I wasn't surprised when they told me how they had planned out my future. I knew it would come eventually, but that didn't make me all the more prepared for it or easier to accept.

February 14th, 1912

It was a chilly February day and the buzz of the Titanic could be heard on everyone's lips. From the poor to the rich, young to the old, everyone was alight with excitement at the progress of the anticipated ship. I was bored with it all. I knew it would pass just like any other new and exciting thing. It was just another fad waiting out its popularity, until the next big enterprise came along. I refused to be a part in any discussion that involved the Titanic. Which is why I was so vexed at what my parents had told me.

I was sitting in the library like I usually did, it was the only place I could go to escape the everyday bore that was my life. I was reading, something that I could do for myself a pleasure I could have for my own, when my father found me to tell me the news that would change the course of my life forever. I didn't realize just how this news would alter my life in more ways than one. He walked in with my mother on his arm. It was incredible how much I looked like my mother. People always brought it up when whenever we were introduced as mother and daughter. You'd think we were a circus attraction the way people would gawk at our similar appearance.

But that was all we had in common. Besides our looks we were stark opposites. As I grew I realized just how different I am from both my parents. We had no common interests or thoughts or opinions. I was utterly alone when it came to my family. I didn't really have many friends I could confide in either. Every time I would try and be-friend a fellow school mate, I learned quickly that my interests and aspirations were one off from all the others. While they were talking about marriage, being a proper lady, and the latest fashion, I was dreaming of far off places and dangerous adventures I could get lost in.

It was all the more apparent to me how different I was from everyone else as I watched my parents enter the library, noses up, backs straight, not a hair out of its proper place. The look on both their faces as they entered the library was so comical, but I dared not laugh. I don't think they'd even been a library before, much less knew that they had one in their very own house.

I placed my book in my lap and sat more poised, if that were at all possible, and gave them my full attention. Just like I was brought up to be, or trained was more like it.

My father spoke gruffly, bristling his mustache. "Violet, your mother and I have thought about this a great deal. And we have both agreed it's high time that you marry and begin your life as a woman."

I felt numb as he told me this, I wasn't surprised, not really, but I couldn't help the hope that I felt that they would just forget and give up on me. I was a fool; I should have known my parents wouldn't give up that easy or at all for that matter.

I seemed to have dosed off because my mother reprimanded me with an irritated voice. "Violet, look at your father when he's speaking with you. And sit up straight dear, it's very unbecoming." My mother had a shrill voice; I don't know how my father managed to put up with it all these years. It drove me bonkers even when she didn't say anything. It was that kind of voice that becomes ingrained in your memory, with no hope of forgetting it.

It used to sadden me, thinking of my parents. I always felt unloved, just a piece in their game of life. I was to be pawned and sold wherever they saw fit. But once I realized that I couldn't care for the kind of people they were anyway, it stopped bothering me. That's the thing about getting older; you start to see who your parents are like as people. And it's not always pleasant. I got mailed to the wrong address.

I chose not to respond to either of my parents, knowing it would only make the conversation longer. I decided long ago to just go with the flow. Even if that meant being pushed and prodded like cattle in the direction they wanted me to go. That was how I saw society anyways, just a bunch of greedy cows dressed in their finest to go herding to dinner parties. The thought used to make me laugh. But now it only saddened me, now I was part of the herd. I had a very vivid imagination as a child; I used to write stories about my own adventures that I wished to go on. It made up for my dull life and lack of friendship. I liked to think that I still kept some of that imagination. I could only write in the dark hours of the morning. If my parents even got a hint of the improper creativity I lost myself in, they'd probably send me off to boarding school. They tried that once, it backfired on them.

I was thinking of one of those adventures as my mother's voice crept into my daydream, interrupting my imaginary alternate life.

"Violet?! Are you even listening to your father?" Now she was really vexed with me. The angrier she got, the higher the pitch of her voice rose as well.

"Yes mama, sorry mama." Was that my voice? It didn't sound like me. God I sounded pathetic.

"Well, as I was saying, it's high time you sought out a husband, get married, start your life as a grown woman." My father loved the sound of his voice, that's why he usually repeated himself. I don't think anyone else notices but me.

"What do you propose I do father? Shall I advertise?" That should shock him, I thought with glee.

"Heavens no! Good gracious, a woman advertising herself in the paper like a common…a uh, a common…"

My father couldn't quite finish his sentence, but I was rather enjoying watching his mustache fluttering with every exasperated breath he took. It took everything in me not to laugh.

My mother steadied him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Now dear, don't discuss such vile things in front of your daughter. It could dampen her innocence."

Oh please, my parents still think of me as a sheltered child. As if by now I didn't know what a prostitute was or what her profession was. To tell the truth, that was one of my fantasies. Running away to some distant foreign country to become a 'lady of the night', only to be saved from a handsome prince. That was a long time ago though. In my seventeen years my fantasies had matured, I wished more than anything to become a writer.

"Yes, quite right my dear, quite right." My father took another drag of his pipe. The conversation obviously upsetting his demeanor greatly. Honestly, how did my parents manage to conceive me? They were so delicate and…boring.

"Actually Violet", there's that voice again, "We already have someone in mind for you. Your father, as you know, is great chums with Anthony Hawthorne, the great railroad tycoon. Your father and Mr. Hawthorns have been in contact these past few months, and they've both thought it a wonderful idea to introduce you to his son Robert. Your dear father has conversed with this young man on many an occasion and assures me he is quite the gentleman."

And probably richer than God, I thought to myself. What a surprise.

"He lives in America and is deeply invested in the railroad business, just like his father. And is heir to the company. Which brings me to our next point…"

"But," I interrupted my mother trying to make sense of what I was being told "if I do not wish to marry Mr. Hawthorne's son, then there is no obligation on my part is there? What if we don't like each other? I would not wish to marry someone I barely knew or didn't love."

My parents shared a look with each other that I could not decipher. They were obviously anticipating a delighted reaction from me. I knew better, I just wished they did.

My father stole away from his pipe for a moment to fill me in further. "Of course Violet, it is just that we have high hopes for you and Robert Hawthorne and would like to see you to become better acquainted. And then eventually, who knows what will blossom between you two."

"And he lives in America? So I will have to move to America. That is what you two wish?" I couldn't bear the thought of leaving England. As distant as I felt from most people I met, this was my home, the only home I've known. But the thought of finally being released from my parents clutches excited me. I could look at this as an adventure. Finally I would go somewhere on my own and be my own person. But I could tell they weren't telling me everything.

"That is not all that you want to tell me. There's more isn't there?"

My father looked grief stricken as he took my mother's hand. He looked like he was about to tell me something that would shock me. I was always right.

"There is one thing Violet. It grieves me to have to share this burden with my own child, but there is no other way. The past two years we have been in debt. We are now unable to pay our wages and afford the luxuries we have been used to. But it doesn't have to be that way."

He eyed me, waiting for it to sink in. He was hoping I would realize what he was talking about so he wouldn't have to tell me. When I didn't budge he continued.

"Violet, unless you marry Robert Hawthorne, the Harker name will be no more. We will be destitute. Which is why it is imperative that you do everything in your power to do what is right."

"I have no say in the matter?" I tried not to let my voice crack, but I was at my breaking point. Were they really telling me that this was my only option? Marry Robert or live on the streets. How can they put this on me?

"You are to marry Robert. It's as simple as that." The finality in my father's voice angered me to the point of speechlessness. My mind was swimming at this information. One second I was off on an adventure to America, the next I'm being forced to marry into the life I've detested for so long. There was no escape for me.

"And if I refuse?"

"There is no discussion on your part. We are boarding the Titanic to make our home in America."

"Wait! The Titanic? We…?" This was getting worse by the second. How much more could I take?

My mother inched forward on her seat. "We are to board the Titanic in a few month's time, so that you may unite with your future husband. You shall make your home in America!"

I've always been one for words, but at this present time all words escaped me. I must have given my mother the reaction she wanted because she squealed with delight as I realized my mouth was hanging open.

"The, the Titanic?" I was incredulous. I stuttered unbelieving.

"Yes dear! And close your mouth it's very unbecoming. You will unite with Robert and I haven't even told you of the best part!"

What could be worse than me moving to America to marry a man I've never even met before? Unless…they did say 'we'…oh no!

"Your father and I have decided to join you in America! Permanently! Oh won't it be jolly the whole Harker family living in America!"

Oh. My. God. That's it, my life is over. This was the last straw.

I stood from my seat rising in front of my parents so fast I think I almost gave them whiplash.

"No! Please, you cannot make me do this!" I've never pleaded with my parents before but I was desperate.

My mother pulled out her fan, aggressively waving it in front of her face as my father sputtered on his pipe. Before they could get a word in I stood my ground for probably the first and last time. But I had to do it, it was now or never.

"No, I cannot take this anymore! I've gone along with both of your scheming long enough. I will not marry Robert Hawthorne, and I will not live with either of you in America, and I will not board the bloody Titanic! I have lived my whole life doing what you've asked of me. Can't I choose my own future? Make my own decisions?" I sat down blowing out a puff of air, slouching in the most unattractive way I could muster. Which is bloody near impossible in a corset. I waited for my parent's reaction, waiting for the worst. And when the worst came, I felt so stupid and helpless…and trapped.

It was my father who spoke first, my mother was obviously still too shocked that I raised my voice to her. She kept waving her fan and clutching her chest like she was going to faint. My father stood over me, imposingly.

"See here young lady, I will not have you speak to me or your mother that way. Your behavior these past months has been unacceptable. You should know the position were in is dire. I thought you would understand that this was the only way to save our family. You are a selfish, selfish girl. You know you are our last hope in surviving this world."

Yes, I know all too well that we are the richest poor family in England. If it wasn't for my father's gambling and my mother's shopping habits, I would not have this burden put on me. Unless I marry a rich society man, we would surely be living on the streets. Which is what makes what my father said to me next, make me feel all the more responsible.

"Do you want to see your mother work in a mill, or your brother working for the rest of his life doing God knows what? To be orphaned and shunned from all good society?"

My brother. Little Joseph, my anchor to sanity in this crazy world. I was selfish, never once considering how this would affect my brother. Unless I made the sacrifice of marrying for wealth, he would be the one to suffer the most. It made me feel childish really. My problems seemed miniscule compared to what I would put Joe through. I would do anything for him. The one person I cared for when my mother and father could not. We both relied on each other. I made my choice in that moment, with my Joe on my mind. I would do it, for him.

I stood up in front of my father, straitening my dress. My father stood at least a head and a half taller than me. Which made it all the more difficult to look him in the eye. But I had to be brave, for Joe.

"Forgive me father, I forgot my place. I will take full responsibility. I am glad you've found someone for me. I look forward to meeting him. I will join you, mother, and Joe to America on the boat, the Titanic."

Seemingly unfazed by my lack of emotion he leaned forward and pressed a kiss at the crown of my head. It was a forced reaction from him, not an instinctual fatherly gesture. "It's a ship my dear."

With that he walked out of the library. My mother then stood, obviously calm from her previous state and squeezed my shoulders. She has never hugged me before, even as a child. It was always a pat on the head or a squeeze of my shoulders. I preferred the emptiness; anything else from her would be insincere.

She left, giving me a smile, but said nothing. I sat back down staring at the bookcase blankly. I could feel the weight of the shackles that would take me to America. It seemed every day they got heavier, but today they broke my spirit too. The last I had to myself, they broke that last piece that was me. I would not cry though, I never did. What was the point?

April 10th, 1912

My recollection of the day I was made prisoner to this ship, was blown away by the slight tug of my arm. I looked down knowing that little tug. Joseph looked up at me from under his brown cap.

"Violet, I can't see! Where's the ship!?"

His meek voice was barely audible over the crowd of people bustling to and fro getting ready to make sail on the Titanic. I smiled down at him, lifting him in my arms so he could see over the mob of people. He had waited for this day for weeks, his enthusiasm at seeing the Titanic gave me hope for our future. As long as he was with me, I could survive.

"Ah, Violet it's beautiful! Better than I imagined!" I never thought he would think of it as beautiful, but I suppose from a child's point of view it would look incredible. I wish I could see it that way, or see anything like he did for that matter. I could be perfectly content to see him enjoying the things I would have once marveled at. His enthusiasm and naivety was contagious. He always made me smile.

"Just wait until it sets sail, than you can experience the beauty on the vast ocean." I told him cheerily.

"Does it really go as fast as they say? Will it feel like flying?" He was antsy now, ready to board. Unlike myself who dreaded my first steps aboard my cage.

"Well we will just have to see for ourselves. Come on let's get going or else it will leave without us." I said with mock worry.

"No Violet! Hurry!" He jumped to the ground pulling me behind him.

"Joe wait! I don't want to lose you!" He ran through the bustling crowd, quickly becoming swallowed up in the sea of people.

I ran after him through the crowd. The last signal blew through the morning air, signaling the Titanic's departure. I heard my mother behind us.

"Violet, no running! You're a lady act like it!"

I caught up to Joe snagging his coat collar. "Gotcha!"

He squirmed trying to get out the hold I had on him. "Come on, they'll leave without us!"He shrieked.

"Oh no they won't. They wouldn't leave without their most important passenger." He looked thrilled and all the more excited to get on the Titanic.

"Come on, I'll race you." Before I could even move he was off like a flash towards the edge of the dock where they were loading the last of the passengers.

I hurried into a stride behind him so I wouldn't lose him. Holding onto my hat, the breeze of the shore air threatened to take my cap. Disregarding what my mother taught me about what a proper lady should act like, I ripped my hat off running full stride behind Joe. I felt more alive than I had in months, until I heard my mother's voice again.

"Violet I see you! What have I told you? Act like the lady you are!"

Like hell, this was my last week of freedom. I was going to relish every second of it. Damn to all that thought I was a lady. I hid my smirk trying to keep up with Joe as he weaved through people, automobiles, and crates of luggage. The closer we got to the ship the faster he seemed to get. I halted to a stop in front of the walkway that stretched over the water, connecting the dock with an open entrance on the side of the Titanic. I steadied myself, looking up at the massive ship. Up close it looked even bigger. It was unsettling, like it would swallow me whole. The feeling of being locked inside with nowhere to run to, terrified me.

I hadn't thought about it until now, the fear of being enclosed in any space. I should have known this would happen. That's what I get for living my whole life feeling trapped with no way out. Over the years it turned into an actual fear of enclosed spaces. The feeling of no escape is what usually brought me to my breaking point.

Stealing a few moments, I tried to steady my breathing. I gulped my fear down rather hard. I looked forward along the walkway, raising my foot to make the first step to my future. This was it, no going back. The moment I step on this ship it seals my fate in America.

"Violet come on! You're too slow!" Joe said from across the ledge, giving me courage to walk over and meet him. I took my time walking to him. My first step on the Titanic wasn't like I expected. I didn't feel anything. I just took Joe's hand, squeezing it lightly to give me courage.

A/N: Okay, so just a few things I'd like to be known about this story. There will be no appearances by Jack or Rose. It is a story involving Tommy Ryan and an OC, but I don't intend to follow the movie too closely. There will be little hints of similar situations, but I'm trying to do my own thing. I recently became re-obsessed with this movie after the 3D release and I 've had this idea since then. I was really interested in Tommy Ryan's character because he is an example of so many people that went down with the Titanic, and we will never know their story. So this is like my tribute to all those whose story will never be heard. Please read and review, I'd love to hear what you think. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

April 10th, 1912

The ship really was beautiful. Not surprisingly, the inside was just as luxurious as you would expect. I couldn't contain my awe as I looked at the newly painted walls, the floors shined brighter than any jewel. Our rooms were spacious and lavishly decorated in tones of red and gold. It was comforting to see how roomy everything was. I felt much better about being enclosed on the ship. I had to remind myself that the deck space was open enough to keep my bearings. My fiancé must have really spent an arm and a leg on our accommodations. _My fiancé_. It felt odd thinking it, even more terrifying knowing that it this was really happening. My father informed me that from now on, my betrothed would pay for anything I _or_ my family desired. It sealed the stamp on my fate even more permanently than it did before.

As we dispersed into our own rooms, unpacking our luggage, I heard a knock on the front door. My father answered it. A valet was informing him that the ship was sailing and that afternoon tea would be served shortly. _Always right on schedule…Ugh! If I have one more cup of tea I will fling myself off this ship!_ An embrace from behind me startled myself from my brooding. Joe was tugging on my dress pulling me to the door.

"Take me up Violet! Let's wave goodbye."

I really had no desire to see off my homeland. It was hard enough leaving our house empty. I made the mistake of glancing through our car's back window as the gates closed behind us. It nearly ripped me in two.

"Joe, we have lots of unpacking to do. I'll take you up on deck as soon as everything is settled."

"Oh Violet please, it's my first boat ride. It's bad luck not to wave."

I'm pretty sure he made that up, I've never even heard of that one. I was familiar with the one where you're not supposed to wear black on sailing day. Which was incredibly tempting, but I knew mother would make me change, and we were already late as it was. Joe knew how to wrap me around his little finger. I couldn't resist his enthusiasm and his attempt at fibbing me. I loved his cheeky side.

"Oh alright, but promise you will help me unpack my things when we get back." I really would like his company as long as I could get it. As soon as I was married there would be no time for that. Another depressing thought of my new life.

"Eww, with all your girl things. No way!"

"Oh really?!" I asked in mock insult,"Well maybe you don't want to say goodbye _that_ bad." I made to turn from him, but before I had my back to him he slammed into by legs clutching for dear life, toppling me over.

"No! Violet please! I'll do any girl thing you want just take me please!" He stared squealing and laughing as I tickled him, sending him into a fit on the floor, with me following close behind him.

We continued playing this way until we were both out of breath. He looked at me smiling. And I couldn't help but return it.

"Okay let's go before I change my mind."

He bolted for the door giving me no time to grab my coat, only my hat. I ran after him again, ignoring the disapproving stares from our fellow first class passengers. I was surprised we made it to the deck. I could hardly remember my way around. Joe seemed to be a fast learner, taking in every turn and hallway in stride.

We scrounged for a spot near the edge where most people were waving their farewells. I held on to Joe as he leaned a little precariously over the edge. His fervent waving was making it hard to keep a grip on him.

"Wave Violet, wave!" He cried excitedly.

"You don't even know any one silly and neither do I."

"Just do it, it's for luck!"

_I'm going to need all the luck I can get_. I raised my hand to wave to no one in particular as we sailed away from England, for the last time.

Tea with mama was exciting as usual, and when I say exciting I mean hellacious. She went above and beyond trying to get to know the other first class passengers as she dragged me along with her, introducing me to people I couldn't care less about. She made sure to always mention to everyone about my engagement. I wish she wouldn't, it's not like I could pretend I was happy about the arrangement.

I felt foolish every time some stranger asked me about my fiancé. When I couldn't come up with convincing replies, they always eyed me dubiously. It was obvious I knew nothing about him besides his profession and how much he was to inherit, which my mother always reminded me of. It's not like they cared either, I was just doing what my parents told me to. Just like so many other girls.

Father was off with the other gentlemen in the smoking room. They were probably talking politics, investments, and business ventures. I was always curious about what the gentlemen would talk about, it seemed much more interesting than any conversation I've had that took place during tea time. One time I asked father if I could accompany him to his gatherings, but he quickly assured me that young ladies had no business in the matters of this nature…_blah blah blah._

Joe was sitting next to me, fidgeting in his seat. I couldn't blame him. It was stifling in here, doing nothing but pretending to have a part in the conversation. I knew he was just as anxious to go exploring as I was.

Someone addressed me, though I'm not quite sure who. I know we were introduced but I wasn't paying attention during introductions. She was an older lady, much older than my mother. She seemed to be wearing every piece of jewelry that she owned.

"You two must be delighted to be on this ship. It's so grand, is it not?" She was addressing Joe and me.

"Very impressive." I answered.

"What about you? You must be delighted." She turned her attention just to Joe. The unwanted attention made him slouch in his seat as he pulled his cap over his face, concealing himself. I wish I could do the same.

Mother spoke, excusing Joe for his behavior. "Forgive him, he is a little shy around strangers."

The other ladies chuckled and cooed at how cute Joe was. He was cute, but I envied that he could get away with that sort of behavior. If I even attempted that, my parents would commit me.

I turned to him as the others resumed their conversation and I whispered to him, "Do you want to get out of here?"

He nodded enthusiastically. I took Joe's hand and started to leave the table. This caught the attention of our mother and the ladies.

"Excuse me mother, ladies, I think I will show Joe around the ship now."

My mother didn't look too pleased but she waved us off, "That's fine dear."

Hand in hand Joe and I walked the decks, admiring Titanic for all its grandeur. Even though we hadn't even been on the ship for a whole day, I was feeling better about things. Not really my engagement or leaving home, but just being on the Titanic. I felt safe, like nothing could harm me or get in my way. I knew that feeling would change as soon as we docked.

"Violet, do you love Robert?" Joe asked innocently.

"I haven't even met him, silly."

"Then why are you marrying him?"

_Good question, I wish I knew. _I tried to think of an answer that would suit him without giving too much away. He was much too young for me to share my burdens with him.

"Because he is an excellent match, and I've heard nothing but wonderful things about him." _Lies, all lies._

"Will you be happy?"

"I hope so." I forced out my answer with a lump in my throat.

"I hope so too. I hope he likes me." He said worriedly.

"It would be impossible for him not to." I grabbed him and hugged him close, not wanting to let go anytime soon.

A/N: Okay so this one isnt very long, but the next chapter will certainly get things going. Especially with a certain character's appearance. As always please read and review, I'd love some feedback. Enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

April 11th, 1912

We were scheduled to make a stop at Queenstown to pick up more passengers. During this time we were offered a tour of the ship's deck from the creator of Titanic, Thomas Andrews. Both my parents were delighted to be in the presence of one so esteemed as Mr. Andrews. I couldn't help but resent him for even thinking about making the Titanic, _my own personal jail cell_. But I was informed that it was another gift set up by fiancé. So I had no choice but to join my parents.

I couldn't deny I had become interested in the making of the ship as Mr. Andrews talked so passionately about it. He seemed truly proud of his grand creation. He spoke of the man power and passion that went into the making of Titanic right down to the blueprints. My mother made a childish comment on the life boats and deck space. I rolled my eyes at her. Only my mother would complain about deck space.

I overheard Mr. Andrews interject that he was overruled at the amount of life boats that he was allowed to put on the Titanic.

"So, there aren't enough for everyone?" I didn't realize I spoke aloud as Mr. Andrews and my parents stopped to turn to me.

"Don't worry, the ship is strong and sturdy just like I intended. The lifeboats just put my mind at ease that there is safety for all souls on board." Mr. Andrews smiled kindly at me.

I nodded in understanding, but still couldn't fathom that safety was overruled by deck space. These people really made me sick sometimes.

Once they continued to talk about headlines and record breaking speed I wasn't interested anymore. I purposely held back, taking Joe's hand in mine. I had hoped to walk far enough behind that I didn't have to hear about the blasted Titanic anymore. Joe seemed to feel the same. He was perfectly content to stroll slowly beside me.

I was enjoying the cool ocean breeze and the view as Joe said, "Want to play a game Violet?"

I really wasn't in the mood, especially if it was one of his word games. I usually let him win just to make the process a little faster. But I was reminded once again how precious my time was with him as he smiled up at me, like he usually did.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked enthusiastically.

"What about a word game? You like those." He said, ignorant of my distaste for them.

_Actually I don't. Think of something else Violet_.

"Why don't we try something different? What about 'would you rather'?" I hated that one too, but it was better than a word game. Depending on what words we chose, they lasted for hours sometimes.

"No I don't like that one very much." He said flatly. He kicked his leg up trying to think of another game. When it came to him, he was all bright with excitement.

"Oh Violet, I know! What about hide and seek?!" He_ would_ pick that one.

"I don't think that's a good idea Joe. We don't know the ship very well. You could get-"

Before I could even finish he sprinted to door leading inside. He turned around mischievously as he yelled, "I'll hide first, count to one hundred! No peeking!"

"Joe, don't go too far!" I sighed knowing he probably didn't hear me. I turned towards the vast, blue ocean counting in my head. _One, two, three, four, twenty, no point in really counting to one hundred_. _We must be far from Queenstown by now, even farther from home. Forty five, forty six, forty seven_, forty _eight, forty nine. I wonder if my parents have noticed we had fallen behind, most likely not. Seventy three, seventy four, seventy five, could I really marry someone I don't love? It's not like I have a choice, eighty, ninety, one hundred._

"Ready or not here I come." I hummed to myself.

I walked through where Joe made his escape to hide, _he can't have gone too far_, I hoped at least. I walked through a corridor that led me to the dining hall and grand staircase. I took a peek into the room where they were setting up for dinner. Waiters were placing plates and silverware on grand round tables laden with white table cloths. It was beautiful. One thing about first class is you could always count on everything being perfect. Joe wouldn't hide in here. Since he's shy of most strangers, I didn't expect to go anywhere where there would be people. I left that room going towards the staircase. _Hmmm…up or down?_ Knowing Joe he went down. I followed my instinct and made my way down the stairs. Before I knew it I had made enough twists and turns down too many hallways to count to realize I was lost.

I wish I had been paying attention to where I was going instead of admiring the furnishings and décor of Titanic. The area that I found myself in looked a little more plain then where I had previously been. The walls were painted a plain white color and the hallways did seem a little narrower, it didn't help that I was feeling a little enclosed. I passed a few passengers, asking for help but none seemed to speak English. I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach, getting increasingly worried about Joe. Where could he be? He could be hiding in some corner where no one could find him. Or someone did find him, someone not so trustworthy. That did it. I felt an irrational fear that I wouldn't find my brother soon. I let out an involuntary yelp as my fear was taking over.

I knew I was overreacting. This ship is only so big. But he's all I have, if anything happened to him. I'd never…I couldn't think about it, I had to find him. I walked with a little more hurry and determination in my step. I didn't know where I was going, but moving felt better than just standing there. My legs unknowingly brought me to the elevator. A man was waiting inside, I sighed in relief thankful for someone I could ask for help.

"Going up miss? You look like you're on the wrong deck." He smirked at his joke. I wasn't in the mood to laugh.

"Actually, I'm looking for my brother, I've lost him. Have you seen a boy about half my height brown hair with a grey coat and cap?"

"Are you playing hide and seek?" He asked liked he solved the puzzle.

"You've seen him? Where did he go?" I was frantic but relieved now, I didn't care that I looked it either.

He seemed to ignore the state I was in, "I have Miss, and the young lad told me all about it. He said to take him to the best hiding spot. He said he had to hide from his sister," He made a little motion to me but I leaned forward urging him to continue, "So naturally I took him all the way down." He smiled smugly, which made me even angrier.

"So you took a little boy down to the bottom of the ship all by himself?!" This was unbelievable.

"Well it wasn't exactly the bottom, just third class." He looked sheepish. Good, I hope he felt bad.

"Just third class?!" I strode towards him getting in the elevator. He flinched a little as I spat at him, "Take me to third class then."

We rode the elevator in silence. I must have only been in second class because it didn't take long to get to my destination, just a couple flights down. We came to a stop, and as he started opening the door for me he said, "Here you are Miss, I'm really sorry…" I didn't let him finish as I pushed through the half open door.

I heard the elevator ascend back up as I was deciding where to go. _Damn_, I should have asked him for directions. Oh well, he's got to be here somewhere. My parents will be furious with me. I thought about what kind of punishment and scolding I would receive from them as I walked through third class. I couldn't believe how much more crammed third class was then second class.

My musings were cut short as I heard the faint sound of people. I followed it hoping it would get me somewhere. I don't know how long I had been looking for Joe, it felt like it was way passed when dinner was called. _Oh yes, my parents were definitely going to punish me for this._

I followed through a long hallway, where the sound of rowdy people was clearer now. It led me to a short flight of stairs. The sound of laughter, boisterous children and the conversation of many confirmed that there was a crowd of people down here. I went down completely forgetting I was in third class. I didn't even know if I was allowed down here. But I had to find Joe. I scanned the room overlooking the people as only a few noticed my presence.

I was very suddenly aware of my appearance and how out of place I looked. The deeper I made my way in the room the quieter it got. I could feel all eyes on me. _God, Joe, where are you?_ I almost turned away feeling like an intruder when I heard his voice.

"Violet you found me!"

I turned back again seeing Joe run down the aisle to me. I knelt immediately feeling the tears spring to my eyes. He ran into my arms and I squeezed him never wanting to let go again.

"Joe!" I cried frantically not caring who saw me. The longer we embraced the more the conversation in the room started up again. Everyone obviously had no interest in our reunion.

It was Joe's strained voice that alerted me, "Violet I can't breathe." I realized I was clutching him like a vice. I pulled away but didn't take my hands or my eyes off him.

"That is the last time we are playing hide and seek. I was scared to death. Don't ever do that to me again!" I said it gentle enough but firm to get my point across. I wiped the few tears I let go off of my face.

"I'm sorry Violet, don't cry."

I gave him a reassuring smile to let him know I wasn't that mad at him. I said teasingly, "I found you, I win!"

"No Violet! Now you have to hide." He giggled as I straightened the cap on his head.

"Ahem, " someone cleared their throat behind Joe, I looked up to see two blue eyes staring down at us, "He was really in no danger Miss, he foun' 'is way down 'ere. But I made sure 'e was okay."

I stood up realizing I was still kneeling, but I kept a firm grip on Joe's hand. I went to introduce myself to the stranger but Joe beat me to it.

"This is Tommy, Violet. Well, he found me before you but he wasn't playing so it didn't count."

He held his hand out, but not before placing his half smoked cigarette in between his lips.

"I'm Tommy Ryan_." Definitely Irish_, I noticed.

"Violet Harker, pleased to meet you." I smiled genuinely and took his hand. He vigorously shook it a little rougher than I was used to, but I didn't mind. I chuckled at his harsh gesture.

"Harker?" He said with and incredulous look on his face, "Not thee Alexander Harker?" _Ugh!_ Hearing my father's name made me stiffen. Most people knew of my father so they assumed certain things about me. My father definitely had a horrible reputation.

"Well, no," I said feeling a little giddy and gutsy, "I am not Mr. Alexander Harker. I am his daughter Violet. Obviously." I made a motion to myself to let him know I was kidding. _Oh lord, am I flirting? I am actually flirting. _

He seemed to laugh at my joke and said in reply, "Aye, I walked righ' into tha' one didn' I?"

"Yes you did Mr. Ryan," I said with a stupid grin on my face, "And this is my brother Joseph Harker, but you've obviously been acquainted. I must thank you for looking after my brother. He means a lot to me."

"Aye, I can see tha'. It was no trouble, 'es a good kid."

Joe looked up to me tugging on my arm, "We played a word game Violet. He's good at it, even better than you."

Tommy laughed, no he guffawed. But it was genuine and contagious. He startled most people in the cramped room, drawing their attention to us once again. I noticed a few scornful glares from some passengers. I didn't blame them. I was in their territory now. I was going to say something to Joe but I ended up laughing along with Tommy at Joe's unrealized insult.

"Oi, 'es a little devil huh?"

"You have no idea." I chuckled, _he really had no idea_.

"Tommy, play hide and seek with me and Violet. It's her turn to hide." Joe now clung to Tommy's vest, begging him to join us. I really would have liked to stay but I was in trouble enough as it was. And the small room was starting to get to me. There were too many people in here for me to feel calm.

"Joe we have to get going. Mother and father are probably worried sick about you."

Joe was instantly crestfallen, "But won't they miss you too?" He asked so innocently, I didn't think of the response as it came out.

"Probably not." I saw that Tommy caught the sadness in my voice as I eyed him from the corner of my vision.

"Oh please Violet just a little longer?"

I was about to tell him _no_ again, when Tommy leaned down to Joe's height. "Go on Joe, be good to your sister. She wen' to a lot o trouble to fin' you. Perhaps another time."

As he said that last part he looked up to me for confirmation, or was that an invitation? Either way I nodded my head.

He looked back at Joe, "Now see, your sister promised we'll see each other again soon enough."

"Okay." Joe said sadly.

I tugged on his arm easing him to follow me.

"Thank Mr. Ryan, Joe."

"Please, call me Tommy."

He seemed to direct that only to me, but Joe answered, "Thank you Tommy."

"Goodbye Joe." As he said that his eyes wouldn't leave me. Even as I turned towards the stairs I could feel his eyes on me. _Why was he looking at me?_ It made me feel even more nervous being down here. Maybe he didn't like a first class girl being down here either. But the look on his face told me otherwise. Before we went up the stairs I looked over my shoulder to confirm it. And there he was grinning at me.

"Goodbye Mr. Ryan."

I was out of sight on the top of the stairs when I heard him say, "It's Tommy."

As Joe and I walked hand in hand towards the elevator I couldn't suppress the worry and guilt I felt about not finding him sooner. But he was here and I was relieved. But now I had other issues, mother and father, I was for sure going to hear it from them.

We rang for the elevator and I made sure that Joe was really okay.

"Joe, I hope you weren't scared. I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner."

"I wasn't scared, it was fun. When can we do it again? When can we see Tommy again?"

"I don't think that's a good idea Joe. I'm in enough trouble as it is."

"But you promised me Violet. And you promised Tommy."

"Look Joe I really think it would be better if we didn't see him again."

His silence was proof enough that he was mad at me. That's the only time I know I've made him angry is when he gives me the cold shoulder. He's usually so chatty with me.

"Look," I said kneeling in front of him to get his whole attention, "I will take you to see Tommy again, if you swear not to tell mother and father where you were or who you met. Deal?"

He quickly got out of his temper tantrum and swung his arms around me. "I promise, I promise I won't tell a soul!"

I was beginning to think this Tommy would cause me more trouble than he was worth.

A/N: So, they finally meet. I'd like to thank everyone for liking/favoring/reviewing this story so far. And thank you to my anonymous reviewers/readers, I'm glad this story has struck an interest in you guys. I'm really excited for the next couple chapters, so I will try and update soon. Please read and review! I'd love to hear your opinions. Thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

April 11th, 1912

I was always right when it concerned my parents. They were so predictable. I knew I was in more trouble than I previously thought when I realized Joe and I had missed dinner. It was very important for the first class to always make an appearance, to show off your wealth and status. Dinner was an excuse to compare who was richer. So when Joe and I didn't show, and people inquired my parents had to think of a good enough excuse for our absence. I just knew I'd hear it from them tonight.

As Joe and I walked hand in hand down the hall to our room, I noticed how unusually quite he was.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

He just shrugged, another uncharacteristic reaction from him.

"Come on Joe, you can tell me."

He stopped suddenly, pulling me down to get closer to him.

He said in a whimper, "Violet? You won't get in too much trouble will you?"

_Oh_, he was worried about me. My little guardian angel.

I tried to act sincere and give nothing away as I assured him, "No Joe. Mother and father will be upset that's all. That's what parents do when they worry. Just be a good boy like you always are. Okay? And please remember not to say anything about you know who."

He just nodded in response still keeping a firm grip on my hand.

Just like I had suspected, mother and father were sitting in the parlor room, waiting. As we entered I could feel Joe's grip on me tighten. He was strong for a seven year old, but fear will do that to you. When it came to our parents, fear was the only way they could get through to us, and it always worked.

They actually paid me no attention as we entered, not making eye contact or even acknowledging my existence. _This was not going to be good_. Mother raised her arms to Joe to welcome him in an embrace. He ran over, throwing himself in her arms, forgetting about me. That stung a little. And seeing my mother give Joe the attention I so much wanted as a child made me feel jealous.

I envied Joe. He had no responsibility to this family, at least not yet. He was oblivious to the world. Especially the world he was a part of. He didn't see class, which was apparent, seeing him with the third class passengers. He treated everyone like a friend. He even took a shine to Tommy, which is rare as he is usually so shy. _Tommy…_

"Joe, go to bed son." My father's gruff voice reminded me where I was, and that I was not out of trouble yet. Joe set off but gave me a reassuring smile as he left. I tried to return it, half heartedly.

I was alone with them now. It was eerily quiet except for the gentle hum of the engines.

"Where were you?" It was so low I honestly couldn't hear what my father said. He had a horrible habit of mumbling.

"What?" I asked meekly.

"Do not make me repeat myself?!" I definitely heard that.

I wasn't thinking about what would come out of my mouth next. It was a natural reaction from me, to fight back when I'm being cornered.

"Why? I thought you liked the sound of your own voice."

A few quick strides toward me was all it took for my father to stand right in front of me. Before he could raise his hand to me, I looked away. I wasn't ashamed. This wasn't the first time I had been struck.

When it didn't come I glanced from the corner of my eye to him still standing with his hand ready to strike. _What was he waiting for?_ I saw that my mother had looked away. She wasn't willing to stop my father, but she wouldn't watch either. My father gave a huff of frustration and turned from me again. I instantly relaxed, but this was far from over.

"Where were you and Joe tonight Violet? You missed dinner incase you were wondering."

"I, uh, took Joe around the ship. We…got lost."

My father let out an exasperated sigh. "Your mother and I have had just about enough of you young lady."

I learned not to speak unless I was directly spoken to. Any other kind of response would have given them another excuse to punish me further. Although I don't believe he would strike me, for fear of leaving a visible mark on my face. Then I really couldn't socialize. I almost wish he had, just to give me the excuse I wanted.

My father continued standing next to my mother now, both pretending to be shaken. It was sad that they couldn't even feel wholeheartedly, even for their own children.

"You seem to forget how important this trip is. We are in your fiancé's debt while aboard this ship. And I will not tolerate anything less than your best decorum. And I'm sure you're soon to be husband will not be pleased at how you have acted."

I nearly scoffed at that. Like I cared what anyone thought. My father left the sitting room to go in his bedroom. I thought that was the end of it, until he returned with a parcel in his hand. He handed it to me. I stared at it blankly then to him for an explanation.

"This was sent from Robert a few months ago. He asked me to give it to you sooner but I decided against it. I thought it better for him to give it to you in person." He motioned for me to open it, as he continued to tell me of the mystery object. "I see now that you don't quite grasp the situation you're in or what's expected of you. So I give it to you now as a reminder why you are here."

I opened it nervously. I tried not to show that my hands were actually shaking. I got the seal open and put my hand in to pull out a small black box. _Shit_.

Every woman knew what was in a little black box when it was given to them from a man. I already knew the question he would have asked me if he were here. But this was arranged and I couldn't answer the way I wanted. It had to be, _yes_.

My father was right; this did put me in my place. It was a reminder why I was on this god forsaken ship. It put the whole situation into perspective. I felt small compared to this little box. I opened it, revealing a stone large enough to sink this ship. I stared at it unsure of what to do with it. I didn't want to wear it.

"You will wear it, Violet. Robert will see that you are compliant with our wishes and his. I hope this will heed any unwanted behavior from you."

"Yes father." It's all I could or would say to him.

"And I feel it's time you know that you and Robert will marry a week after we dock in America. Preparations have been made and plans are settled. We didn't tell you for fear of your lack of cooperation. But I see you're past all that. It's time to take responsibility Violet and act how we expect you to."

"So soon?" It's all I could say as I stared at the band engulfing my finger.

Wearing the ring sealed my future to Robert Hawthorne. A man I've never met, nor wished to. It was the last piece of my shackles, binding me for eternity to a life I didn't want to live anymore. That final thought, _I don't want to live this anymore_, seemed to free me. There was a simple solution to all of this. The numbness would end. I could be free if I just took enough of the courage I had left and ended it all.

"Yes Violet that soon. Do you understand what is expected of you from now on?"

"Yes, it's clear to me this is the only way." I wasn't speaking of my unwanted marriage; I had something else entirely on my mind. And I had to see to it quickly.

Before tears could fall I excused myself, leaving my mother and father in the sitting room.

I entered my room and closed my door firmly behind me, but stood frozen. It was still so unfamiliar to me. I had nowhere to go where I could be alone. Even in my temporary bedroom it felt small to me. I felt my chest tightening as a scream tried to force its way out of me. I clenched my fists together willing myself to keep quiet.

I slowly sat on the floor next to my trunk as I rummaged through my clothes and belongings looking for my journal where I wrote all my stories. I kept it hidden at the bottom of one of my chests. I scrambled on the floor discarding my clothes from the chest to get to the bottom. I flung my clothes haphazardly all over my room. I didn't care, I just had to get it out, to read it. Maybe write something to get my mind off my thoughts.

I had it in my hands holding it to me closely like it was my salvation. I started to open the pages and read what I had written. I came upon an entry in the journal that wasn't a story, but was a small diary entry. I must have been young because my handwriting has matured over the years.

It was like it all came to me at once, my whole life, everything I had been through, hit me. I had failed myself. I let them take my innocence. I was nothing now, just a body following directions. My soul was somewhere in the trash where my parents tossed it.

I couldn't do it anymore, any of it.

Without so much as a second thought, I left my room. I passed through the hallway still in my day dress, clutching my journal to my chest. The tears flowed freely now. I followed the path to the deck making my way out in the freezing night air. I didn't know where I was going or when I would stop but I walked aimlessly until I reached the back of the ship.

There was nowhere else to go, but no one else was here. I was alone, just like I had always been. This was the end, my end. I sat on a bench overlooking the dark ocean. I was shaking now, not from the cold, but the fear of what I was going to do. But I was determined to see it through. For once in my life I would see this through. This was something that I decided on.

I flipped through more pages of my journal reminiscing. Without really thinking about it I ripped a page out and let it fly into the abyss of the sea. The darkness quickly swallowed it, taking it out of my sight. I ripped another, then another, one after one. I felt like I was peeling parts off of myself, finally shedding the shell that once held me. When there were no pages left, I knew. There was one more piece. It was me. I was the last piece that needed to be ripped from this world. I would do it, I had to.

I held firmly to the ice cold bars before me, separating me from the frigid waters below me. I raised my foot to the first bar, then the next. It was simple, just one foot after the other and then it would all be over. I balanced myself over the edge testing myself. Testing the gravity of the finality of what I was doing. Against my best judgment I looked down to the dark waves lapping against the ship.

It wasn't until I really listened to how far down the water was did the fear set in. It wasn't the thought of drowning in the below freezing waters, it was the fall. It was the descent from the deck that made me second guess myself. Would I scream?

_If I slip accidently it's not suicide, right?_ Surely everyone would realize that. My parents would realize sooner or later, I doubt they would tell anyone though. If I just loosen my foot just a little more it will all be over, no more second guessing or thinking. It will just be done.

Just as I released my foot from the bar, I pitched forward more than I thought I would. The feeling that I hated, of falling, swept over me. I brought my foot back to the bar. _Could I really do this?_

I went to inch myself forward again to see if it would be any easier if I eased myself into it. That's when I felt the presence of someone behind me. Before I could look over my shoulder I heard a familiar voice, one I wasn't expecting to ever hear again. It made me second guess everything. _But why?_

"Please be careful lass, wha'ever ya thinkin' it's not worth et."

I couldn't back out now. I would just feel like I failed at yet another thing in my miserable life.

"Please leave me alone. You can walk away now and just forget you saw me. I won't exist anymore after it's over with." I didn't dare look back. I knew I'd see the pity on his face. I didn't need his pity, or anyone else's.

"I'm 'fraid I can' do tha'. Please jus' put your foot down and walk ta me." He sounded desperate and pleading, not really what I expected. No pity, just worry. I stole a glance over my shoulder seeing what I heard plastered on his face. He was worried, he actually cared if I died or not.

I still had to stand my ground. I was stubborn, even until the end. "You're making this very difficult. I didn't ask for an audience. It was going to be a clean break."

"A break from wha' lass?"

I wondered if he recognized who I was or even remembered. Would that make a difference? To me it would.

"Them." If he didn't understand what I meant by that one word, then I didn't want to elaborate. It would just prolong what I was doing out here.

"Aye, I see now." It didn't sound like he really understood, but I was grateful for him just going along with it.

"Do you? I'm just another first class girl throwing her life away. You must think I'm pathetic." I said it to myself mostly, I did feel pathetic. If I could see myself I would probably laugh and push myself in. That's one less useless person to worry about.

"No, no. You look sad ta me, is all." He stopped, but I could sense he was thinking about something else to say. As he pondered to himself, I could feel my legs shaking under me. I felt the cold now, I was shivering. I made my hold on the bar falter just the slightest. I was distracted by Tommy's persistence, and it was making me nervous. "Me ma always said '_When ya hit bottom, the only way is_ _up_', or some shite like tha'."

I tried not to laugh at the way he embodied his mother, I could picture her clearly just from that one line. Against everything that was going on, it made me smile.

"She sounds like a good mother."

"Aye, she was. Bless 'er soul. Now, please will ya come back over and make me mother proud that I saved de life o' such a handsome lass?"

"There's nothing for me if I go back. Not even a mother like yours. Please I have to do this, all I have to do is let go. It will look like an accident." I was sounding frantic now. _Was this really what I wanted?_

"Wha' about yer brother? He seemed ta need ya?"

He did remember me. My stomach fluttered a little at the thought that someone remembered me.

But the thought of my brother, leaving him alone, that did it for me. I shook uncontrollably now. The tears and guilt were taking over. I felt my grip loosen on the rail as I shook. Just before I almost lost my grip I felt two warm arms wrap around my waist, setting me firmly on the deck. But he didn't let me go as I clutched on his arm. I didn't want to look at him. I felt selfish for not thinking about Joe. I was a coward. I must have said it out loud because Tommy spoke softly to me.

"You're no' a coward. You're a brave one for not doin' it."

I shook my head. "He needs me. And I didn't even think of him, at all." I sniffled, not wanting to cry anymore. I shook in his arms. There wasn't any space between us as he held his arms around me. He felt my trembling form and he wrapped his coat around the both of us. I turned instinctively into him letting him wrap himself around me. I didn't care that he was a stranger to me. I needed this right now. I've never had it before.

But he wasn't a stranger anymore. Not after he saved me. He saved my life actually. I owed him, big time. He didn't seem to mind that he held me there, I was grateful. But when I felt that I might be taking advantage of his kindness I pulled away to look at him. He seemed to stare at me intently waiting to see what I would say or do next.

"It seems I am in your debt again Mr. Ryan." _Keep it professional_, I told myself.

"Christ almighty, I told ye' to call me Tommy. You do me a disservice by callin' me by me father's name. And after I saved ye' life no less!"

We laughed together. I could feel the vibration of his laugh resonate through his chest as he looked down at me.

"But really, thank you."

"I'm gla' ya didn' go through wit et."

"I am too. I realize I was being stupid." I scoffed at myself, but he seemed to take it offensively.

"Throwin' yer life away shouldn' be tossed off as stupid, Violet. You felt there was no way out. No one can blame ye for tha'."

"Thank you all the same…Tommy."

He smiled at me. "Now was tha' so hard?"

I shook my head in response.

He saw me shiver again. He rubbed at my arms before releasing me to take his coat off and put it around me.

"Come on, lets ge' ya back."

That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I let him guide me. I would have rather stayed out in the cold with this stranger all night than to go back. We walked side by side towards first class deck, one arm still hung around me. Probably making sure I wouldn't try to jump off again, but I was passed that now. I really felt kind of embarrassed. As we finally reached the entrance to first class I knew he couldn't go any further. Not because I didn't want him to, that was just the way it was.

We stood in silence for a moment, wondering if the other would speak first. I decided it should be me. As I took off his coat to give it back to him he seemed reluctant to take it.

"I'm not far from this door. I should make it to my cabin in no time."

He nodded, accepting that.

More silence.

I extended my hand to say goodbye and to thank him, for everything. He looked at my outstretched hand like it was an insult.

He didn't take my hand but said instead. "Promise you'll see me again. As…uh, thanks fer helpin' ye out."

He must have seen the uncertain look on my face, because before I could answer him he said, "Never mind, tha's not fair o' me to ask a thin' like tha'."

He made to walk away but I stopped him. "I promised Joe I would take him to see you again. Perhaps tomorrow?"

He smiled at me. "Well I dunno if you've noticed love, but it is tomorrow."

"Today then? Where I met you before?"

"Sounds grand. But uh, ye owe me a cigarette…" I stared at him with a confused look on my face, it made him laugh as he explained, "Seein' as I lost mine tryin' to rescue a damsel in distress. Nearly choked on et I did, seein a lady hangin' off the ship."

A/N: I feel I must explain myself here. I realize this is a very similar situation between Rose and Jack, but I thought it was a very important and dramatic moment between the two characters that I wanted to try out a variation of it. I'm pretty pleased with it, but I'd love to hear your opinions. Thanks again. I have a surprise in store for the next chapter. Read and review!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

April 11th, 1912

I had just arrived on this ship from Queenstown, leaving Ireland, probably for good. It had already been one day but I already felt like my life was finally getting on the right track. The promise of a good job was too good to be true, so I took the soonest available ship that would take me. I spent almost all of my savings on the ticket, but I was sure it would repay itself once I got to America. Being around fellow passengers with the same intentions filled me with hope for the future.

Seeing the ship for the first time filled me with awe. I had heard from a few lads that worked on the ship that it was going to be impressive. But seeing it in person really did their words no justice. I couldn't help but think that I, Tommy Ryan, would be a passenger aboard this grand ship. Sure I wouldn't be bunking in style like the other first class folks, but hey, take what you can get.

I settled myself in the small cabin that was no bigger than my washroom back home. And I had to share this with three other blokes? Got to hand it to White Star Line for keeping to tradition. I settled my things before I went exploring the ship. Other passengers were already settled and I wanted to spend as much time admiring the beauty of Titanic. I made to leave the cabin as the door opened and two Italian fellas came barging in.

"Who you?" One of them said.

"I'm, a…Tommy Ryan, yer bunk mate." I said cheerily as I shook both their hands.

The one that spoke before said, "This my brother Bernardo, and I Lorenzo."

"Pleased ta meet ya both."

We tried to get to know each other as we roamed the third class corridors together. They didn't speak very much English. But their effort to try made it easier to understand them. They walked me to the common room and we sat to talk.

Now Lorenzo spoke to me. He and his brother looked exactly alike. I honestly couldn't tell them apart. But Lorenzo, I noticed, spoke faster and more fervently then Bernardo. "Where you from?"

"Ireland, I jus' got on from Queenstown."

They both nodded in unison, "Ahh, si si."

"What about you lads? I'm guessing Italy or Spain?"

"Si, Italy." Answered Bernardo. "We headed for America, for work. You same?"

"Aye, looks like we're all headed out for the same thing."

"You think it's like they say? Land of opportunity?"

"I hope so. If not there's a lot o' immigrants they gotta answer to." I snickered hoping they had a sense of humor.

They did, as they both slapped me on the shoulders at my jest. We were quiet for awhile until Bernardo spotted something from the corner of his eye. I turned to see what he was gazing at. To my surprise it was a first class lad, a little boy that found himself down in the common room. No one gave him much notice, but I could see that he looked lost as his eyes roamed over the room. He looked like he was looking for someone.

"Oi lad, come 'ere." I gestured for him to come over, but he looked scared straight through as he looked at me. He wouldn't move then, just looked at me with wide eyes.

"It's alrigh' I won't hurt ya. Are ye lost?"

He nodded his head.

"Would ya like me to help ya?"

He nodded his head sideways. That would be a _no_ I take it.

I smiled at him trying to get him to relax. "Well how'd ya expect to get outta 'ere without some help?"

"My sister is supposed to find me."

"Aye I see, would ya like to sit with me until she finds ya?" Fat chance of that, that'll be the day a first class woman comes down here.

He shook his head again.

"Suit yerself." I turned to Bernardo and Lorenzo who started up a conversation in Italian. That was my queue to keep to myself. I pulled out my pocket watch seeing the time was getting late. Surely someone was missing this little boy?

It didn't take long before I had a companion to sit with. He made himself comfortable next to me on the bench, eyeing me curiously.

"What's your name?" He asked shyly.

"I'm Tommy. Care ta tell me yer name?"

"I'm Joseph."

"Well pleased ta meet ya Joseph." I held my hand out, letting him decide whether to shake it or not. To my surprise he did, and from there on it was like he wasn't the shy little boy he made himself out to be. He kept on me with questions about me and what games I liked to play.

"My sister plays games with me. She likes word games."

"What kind o' game is that? That sounds like no fun at all."

"It is. But she usually lets me win. I can tell."

"Well as right she should."

"We were playing hide and seek. I was first, but she hasn't found me yet."

"Aye, she will, don' worry." He seemed to quite at the thought of not being found, so I tried to distract him.

"Could ya teach me how to play one o' yer word games?"

He nodded and quickly taught me the rules and how to play. We were in a long session of me guessing one of his words. It really wasn't that fun, just tiring. I was going to suggest we play something else, when I saw her. She looked unsure of where she was but also a little flustered. I couldn't keep my eyes off her, as everyone else in the room couldn't either. This had to be Joseph's sister. Why else would a first class girl be down here?

She was looking for someone, I knew who, but I couldn't bring myself to speak. I sat there watching her look for her brother. She looked like she was going to give up, until Joseph followed my gaze and called out to his sister.

I watched them embrace as she looked relieved and elated to find her brother. She was kneeled in front of him for some time, when I decided I should see if he was okay. As I walked over I saw the most glorious smile spread on her face. She could light a room with that grin. And it made her eyes sparkle. She didn't seem to notice me as I stood right behind her brother, but I cleared my throat to make myself known.

When she looked at me I felt my breath catch in my throat, I quickly cleared it as I introduced myself. She didn't hesitate to shake my hand or thank me. Thank me? For what? She was gratified that I had looked after her brother. Well that's the first and probably last thanks I'd ever hear from someone of her status.

When she introduced herself, I could put a name to the face. And it suited her well. Most times people don't match their names. But Violet was perfect. Everything fit, except there was something in her eyes, like sadness or longing. Yes she was smiling and cheery, but the eyes always give it away. There was something to this girl, I didn't know what, but it was there and I wanted to find out.

She was trying to get Joe to go back with her, but he was reluctant. I took this chance to get her to agree to meet me again. To my utter surprise she agreed. I watched her leave hand in hand with Joe. I stood there for what seemed like forever as I stared blankly at the staircase where she left. I turned to take my seat back with the Italian brothers. What had just happened? I was stunned. It's not something that usually happens to me, but there I was speechless and lost.

The lads eyed me knowingly with smirks on their faces.

"What?" I asked.

"You, uh know her?" Asked Lorenzo with a little nudge at my arm.

"It was his sister."

They both nodded. "But you see her again?"

"That's what she said." God I hoped I saw her again. I had to.

I heard a grunt then a laugh behind me. "Don't get your hopes up laddie, you're worlds apart from that girl."

I looked over my shoulder at a bulking pale man with flaming red hair. He was currently smoking and cleaning his nails with a massive pocket knife.

"An' what makes ye think tha'?" I asked annoyed.

"I dunno if you noticed, but she's a little above your station. Why would she keep her promise to you?"

"She seemed nice enough."

"They all do until they get what they want from you, and then they kick you to the curb."

"Are ye talkin' about the richies or women in general now?"

"Don't be a smart ass."

"Don't doubt the word o' a lady."

He grunted as he stood and walked to the other side of the room. I shook the thought away that she might have been lying to me, just to get rid of me. The brothers were still looking at me, trying to assess me I guess. Lorenzo finally asked, "What happen if she don't come?"

"She will." I tried to reassure myself.

Bernardo nudged his brother, "Land of opportunity eh?"

The whole day I couldn't get her out of my mind. Yes she was beautiful and witty, but there was something underneath all that façade that kept me thinking of her. I tossed in my bunk all night trying to sleep, which is next to impossible with three grown lads snoring in a small space. I was informed by the Italians that night that the Scottish bloke was always one of my bunk mates. _Great_. I had to get out.

I had come up for a smoke and to get away from my cramped bunk. I was used to small spaces but sharing a room with three other lads got on my last nerves. I needed the excuse to get away. I knew I would be freezing my ass off but I was used to the cold. I felt better out in the open, it opened my mind and I felt like I can think clearer. I chose to go to the back of the boat. I figured this time of night, no one would be back there. I would have a little peace and quiet.

When I got there however I realized there was someone else there. Just my luck, I thought. I started to turn to find somewhere else to go when I felt I recognized the person. I walked nearer to get a better look without trying to be noticed. The manner in which this person, this girl actually, was peering over the boat made me uneasy. I could just make out the side of her face. I knew that profile, but from where? I couldn't believe she was here. Out on the deck, past twelve, in the freezing cold, she was just standing there in front of me.

Then it dawned on me, like a crashing wave. Our meeting from earlier that day washed over me. I was elated to whom it was, but I soon realized she was up to something else entirely. The way she was leaning over the railing looking down sent a shiver up my spine. The cigarette I had in my mouth fell as my mouth hung open in shock. When I realized what she was intending to do or thinking about doing, I could not let that happen. She didn't even hear me as I approached her. The last thing I wanted was to scare her.

Why would she do this? What reason had sent her to the end of the ship with the intention of throwing herself over? She wanted to die, but why? She had seemed so full of life when I met her earlier with Joe. But that look had come across her face when she mentioned her parents. I caught that look of sadness, and fear I noticed. It made me instantly curious about this girl. On the outside she looked as any well brought up girl should, but on the inside I could see there was a storm brewing.

I thought about her most of the day after that, I didn't know why. We had only conversed for a few moments. And she was obviously just happy to find her brother. He was a good kid, I was almost glad he got lost; otherwise I would have never met her. She did seem different, from the others. She wasn't the typical first class girl who was always looking down her nose at you. She was genuinely grateful to me for keeping an eye on her brother. And she was sweet the way she had teased me, God she had taken me by surprise. She had a fire in her that's for sure. But it was quickly put out when she said they had to go back.

I realized this as I was standing there watching her look over the ship. She was sad. Something was beating her down. She was obviously unhappy with the cards she had been dealt with. But was it so bad that she would kill herself? I wouldn't let that happen. She had too much to live for, to have the chance to make it better for her, to turn things around. That's when I made my move towards her, choosing my words carefully.

Talking to her, I could see the pain in her eyes. It fueled me to try and get her to calm down. She wasn't thinking straight in this condition. She might not know that this really isn't what she wanted. I'd hate myself for not trying everything I could to help her.

After I had calmed her down and got her away from the edge, I held onto her not willing to let go anytime soon. She shook in my arms as I wrapped my coat around her. She looked even lovelier than she did when I met her in the common room. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold and her eyes had a sparkle in them. I knew it was probably a result from crying, but she still looked beautiful. Her hair was the loveliest shade of auburn as it was let loose from her pins. It framed her face, showing her pale complexion.

I was soon taken from my gaze of admiring her as she spoke to me finally. What was I even doing looking and thinking of her like that? And in a moment like this? _Keep it together Tommy_, I kept telling myself. The more we talked the better she seemed to feel. I noticed she had warmed a bit as she embraced me further. To keep herself from the cold, I assured myself. I knew I had to get her back. With much reluctance I walked her to the first class deck.

We reached the entrance where we would have to part ways, the sign clearly stating in bold black letters: NO SECOND OR THIRD CLASS BEYOND THIS POINT. _Damn segregation and all its rules_. She looked almost hesitant to say goodbye, I didn't know what to say to her. I knew for certain that I wanted to see her again, not just to make sure she would be okay, but I was curious about her. Would she want to see me too? I got the courage to ask her but before I could she started to take off my coat and give it back to me. She assured me she'd be fine without it until she got back to her room.

She seemed to be contemplating something as she stretched her hand out to me to shake it. I have to admit I was a little offended by the gesture after all that we had just gone through. Was she retreating back to her proper ways? That's when I decided to ask her if we could meet again. She answered with an uncertain expression on her face. I took that as a sign that she indeed had turned back into the high society girl that I suppose she felt she had to be. I stammered trying to explain myself. Why was I stammering? I don't second guess. Especially to a first class girl. I scoffed at myself. If the lads could see me now they'd laugh in my face.

I felt foolish and just wanted to get back to my cabin. She surprised me by reminding me that Joe had wanted to come by again. I was hopeful that maybe a part of her, however small, would want to see me too. But I would take any excuse to see her again. She promised that she would meet me tomorrow, as I reminded her that tomorrow was today. She didn't take it offensively as she laughed at my cheekiness.

It was set then, I would definitely see her. I bid her goodbye with the worry that she was just trying to get rid of me again. But as little as I knew of her, I knew enough that she wouldn't go to the trouble to do that. She seemed like the kind of girl to speak her mind. At least that's what I hoped.

I took all the stairs and twists and turns to my room, I had them all memorized now. I was still amazed how intricate and cramped it was down here. They treated us like rats expecting us to find our own way down here. But that's the life of the poor, find your own way. It suited me just fine. I wonder how different it is in first class. Probably grander then I can imagine.

I found my door and walked into a dark little room filled with the two Italians and the piss head Scottish bloke, all still snoring. They were all decent enough, even though I didn't speak a word of Italian and the Scott drank a little too much, even for me. But conversation was never dull. I sat on my bunk thinking more on the differences of first class and third class accommodations, especially the lifestyles. I wondered if Violet thought of me as beneath her, or felt as I did and just saw everyone as who they were, and how they treated others.

I was hopeful that she was as kind and caring as I imagined her to be. I suppose that I would find out later today when I saw her. But I still couldn't believe what she had planned to do tonight. It still struck me that she was willing to throw her life away. I was bound and determined to find out why she had felt trapped with no other option. She was a mystery and yet I feel I know her, or understand her at least. Out on deck I had told her about my mother. I've never spoken about my mother since her passing, not to anyone. Why I felt the need to share that memory with Violet is beyond me, but it made her laugh. I saw the change in her eyes, so I don't regret it.

I always hoped I'd make my mother proud, that's why I was on this boat anyways. On my way to make a life for myself in America. Maybe it was fate that I had met Violet. I was meant to pull her over. Or maybe I was just lucky. I can't help but think I'm getting ahead of myself by thinking too much of Violet. I don't even know how she feels about me, or how I feel about her really. All I know is that there's something about her, a connection maybe, or just a gut feeling. The last thing I remember before I fell asleep was something Violet had said, out on the deck, _"Just another first class girl throwing her life away. You must think I'm pathetic."_

I do not think she is pathetic for trying something like that, foolish yes, but not pathetic. I drifted away to sleep with anticipation of seeing her again.

A/N: I loved writing from Tommy's perspective. I loved it so much I'm going to make sure I fit a few more chapters in like this. Thanks again. Read and review!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

April 12th, 1912

Waking up in mid afternoon was a strange feeling. It had been about two o' clock when I had returned unnoticed to my room. I quickly fell asleep not giving the previous events any thought. I had been so tired that sleep had lulled me quickly. But waking up this morning it all came back in a rush. I had really attempted to kill myself. I still felt foolish after all that happened last night. How could I ever throw my life away so carelessly without considering Joe and how this would surely affect him? It's humbling when you realize how much you put yourself before the ones you love, only to be reminded of how much you are needed.

If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. _Tommy_. Thank God he was there. I owe him a great deal. How could I ever try and pay him back for what he has done for me and for Joe. Yes, I'm still in the predicament I was before. I must be married and live the life of a proper lady, but now I feel I have a reason and a purpose. I must do it, if not for my mother and father than for Joe. That is sufficient enough for me.

The more I lay in bed the more I dread getting up. I promised I would take Joe to see Tommy. How much of that was for my own reasons? I had a perfect escape to not ever see Tommy Ryan again. But I do owe him, maybe I can figure out the means by which to repay him. I certainly don't have the money to give him, I could ask my fiancé…no, I will not be in his debt, especially for something like this. That would be awkward to try and explain. I hope Tommy isn't in it for the money, a reward of some kind. I scoffed at myself for even thinking a thing like that. I sound like _them_.

He seemed so _sincere_ and worried last night. His pleading alone almost convinced me to not go through with it. But I'm stubborn and would not be overthrown that easily. He was persistent, more so than I expected from him, or anyone for that matter.

A knock on my door shifted my attention. My mother walked in, straight to my bed. "Violet, are you up? You've already missed breakfast."

She sounded and looked annoyed. I know from the lecture I received last night that any more bad behavior from me was not going to be tolerated anymore. I sat up and pretended like I had just woken up.

"What time is it?" I inquired sleepily.

"It's eleven thirty. Well past breakfast. Why did you sleep so late? You know your father and I will not-"

I had to cut her off before she could continue. She was predictable as always. "I'm sorry mama. I was just thoughtful last night. I took time to consider what you and papa discussed with me last night. And I can assure you I will try my best." I tried to sound convincing as I smiled weakly up at her.

She looked skeptical but seemed to take the excuse as why I had slept late. I certainly was not going to tell her the truth. She scampered around the room trying to look like she was looking for something to do. "Well we must get you dressed and ready for afternoon tea. I will not have you missing that."

_Oh no! I cannot miss tea! How will I ever survive?!_

Yeah so I was a little dramatic. But how can anyone honestly put so much importance on things like tea time and corsets and whether my gloves match my outfit? But this was my life. There was no changing it. I might as well just accept that this is all I will ever know.

"Of course mama, I will change immediately."

As I made to get up she stated curiously, "You never did say what you were up to yesterday. What were you and Joe occupying yourselves with all that time?"

"I uh, told you we got lost, that's all mother."

She smiled, satisfied as she made to leave my room. Until I remembered I had a meeting I had to keep. How was I going to get this past her without her suspecting anything?

"Uh, mama? Can I ask a favor of you?"

She perked up, a little surprised at how cordial I was being towards her. She walked to me anticipating what I was going to ask her.

"Yes dear? What is it?"

"Well I was wondering if after tea, I could take Joe for a stroll around the deck for a few hours? He showed such an interest in the ship yesterday, that I'd like to show him more. Since we got lost we really didn't get a good look around. I feel more confident with my way around now. Maybe I can even get him to meet some of the officers."

Well that wasn't a total lie. He was interested in the ship. He was just going to see a different area of it. I put on my best expression she would approve of hoping it would win her over and convince her.

Her expression turned into disappointment, but not for the reason I thought. "Of course dear, but I should tell you, Joe is not feeling well this morning."

_What?!_

"What do you mean mama? Why did you not tell me? How ill is he?" _Why didn't she tell me?!_

"Don't worry yourself Violet, we called the ship's doctor and it's just a common cold. All he needs is to stay in bed for a couple days with lots of liquids. Honestly, Violet how horrible of a mother do you think I am?"

"That's not what I meant mama. I would just like to know about these things, especially when they concern Joe."

"I know how close you two are Violet. It's quite obvious." She said annoyed. Irritated, she tried to leave my room again. But I still had to go see Tommy, to let him know that Joe couldn't make it.

"Actually mama-"

"Yes what is it Violet?"

"Can I still see the ship? I would like to get out a little before dinner time."

"Just as long as you do show up to dinner this time, I don't care what you do before then. But get ready for tea or we'll be late."

Finally, she left me alone to dress. I dressed quickly so I could see Joe before I went off. Getting ready without a maid was extremely difficult, we couldn't afford one for some time now, so I learned quickly the fastest way to get myself dressed. And that, fortunately for me, meant no corset. My mother hasn't yet noticed I've gone corset-less for awhile now. I could get away with it. I was dressed and ready to see Joe. I put on my hat as I made my way to his room.

I knocked lightly as I entered. He was in bed with a book. He jumped up excitedly as he saw me.

"Violet! Where have you been? I've been waiting."

I could hear the cold in his chest, but it wasn't as bad as I imagined. Thank God. I made him lie back down into bed.

"Joe, you must stay in bed so you can get better."

"But what about Tomm-"

"Shhhhh! Joe be quite. I'm going after tea to tell Tommy we can't make it today. Perhaps we will see him another time." I thought that highly unlikely as we were only to be aboard the Titanic for a few more days, and Joe would still need to be in bed. But he didn't need to know that.

"Will you tell him I'm sorry I couldn't play today?"

"Yes of course I will. But he will understand when I tell him what a sick little boy you are."I said teasingly.

"I am not too sick. Mama just worries too much." He said with a pout.

"And as well she should, you are too precious to let anything happen to." He smiled satisfied as he curled further into his pillow, yawning as he drifted to sleep.

"Sleep tight Joe, I promise I will bring you a message from Tommy later."

He didn't hear me. He was already deep in sleep. I left his room closing the door quietly behind me._ Now onto tea, _I thought drearily to myself. I dreaded socializing like this with these people. It was always the same mindless chatter about the same pointless things. It was so dull I felt like screaming. But I had something to look forward to at least. Meeting Tommy wouldn't be boring. At least I hoped he wouldn't be. He might not even want to socialize with me if I didn't bring Joe. I was prepared for that. But still, I had to see him, to thank him. Then why did I feel disappointment at the thought of him not wanting to see me?

A/N: Oh the woe Violet must be feeling! If she only knew if her feelings were returned…until next time my readers! Please read and review. I put a few links for an image I made to go with this tory on my profile, check it out!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

April 12th, 1912

Tea with mama seemed to go on forever. The ladies we were seated with were her age, and very dull. I was asked numerous questions about my engagement and my fiancé. I felt foolish that I couldn't answer one of their questions concerning my future husband. I knew nothing about this man but was going to live the rest of my life with him. Mama, thankfully, took over most of the conversation. She was talking about wedding plans, the church, how many were expected to be in attendance, my dress, everything I knew nothing about.

It seemed my parents and fiancé had been planning this for longer than they let on. I drifted my thoughts and attention to the scenery outside as mama conversed more with the other ladies. It looked like a lovely day outside, I would much rather be outside than in this stuffy room. I wonder if Tommy would like to take a walk with me. Ever since we've been on this ship I can't seem to want to be in doors much. The feel of the crisp, clean ocean air felt wonderful. I always loved the sea as a child. I felt free swimming out into the ocean, letting the waves take me where they wished. I felt alive.

Mama nudged me in the arm trying to get my attention. I looked to her slightly annoyed from being taken from my thoughts.

"Yes mama?"

"Violet, the Countess has asked you a question. Forgive my daughter. She seems to be in a world of her own these days."

They all nodded in understanding, reasoning that my lack of attention was due to wedding plans. They had no idea how wrong they were. The Countess seemed to forgive me as she smiled and asked again. "You must be excited to be wed to such a high esteemed man, Violet. How lucky you are."

It wasn't a question really, more a statement of fact. She obviously didn't know me or the situation, but I smiled like I was taught and replied properly.

"Yes Countess, I owe a great deal to my parents for making the match for me."

They seemed tickled that I had praised my mother, but she surely knew better. I took this opportunity to excuse myself. I didn't want to keep Tommy waiting any longer than was proper. Did I just think that? I really am being brainwashed. I had to get out of here.

"Mama, may I be excused to roam the deck?"

"Yes of course dear, don't be late for dinner."

"Of course not, thank you mama. Ladies thank you for your company."

I curtsied and left the table a little too hastily. When I opened the doors the cool breeze of the afternoon instantly lifted me. I decided to take a very small stroll before going below to third class. I couldn't resist taking in the sights of the Pacific. As I roamed the deck I found a spot by the railing I could rest by. There weren't many people passing this way, so it was perfect.

I must have lost track of time because I stood there until I heard him make his presence known to me. I turned startled_, he was really here._

"Oh uh Mr. Ryan. I was just going to come and see you."

"Were ya? I was beginnin' ta think ya were gonna stand me up."

Without thinking I said, "You shouldn't be up here."

He looked a little offended as he replied, "I'll have ye know. Yer on my part o' the ship."

I looked around realizing I was wrong, I laughed at my ignorance as I saw I was on the lower deck. How did that happen?

Still laughing I informed him, "I'm still getting used to finding my way around this ship. Forgive my forwardness."

"There's nothin' ta forgive." He seemed like he wasn't bothered by my statement, but his tone said otherwise.

"I guess that means I shouldn't be down here either." I was testing him to see how he would react, if he would want to converse with me anymore.

"Now don' be like tha'. We're not against your folk comin' down here, just as long as you keep yer noses outta our business."

I could tell he was teasing me, as he walked towards me with a smirk on his face.

"And actually, I wasn't intending to stand you up, we never did set a specific time to meet." He was right next to me now leaning against the railing. "And I wanted to get some fresh air before I went down to meet you."

"Tha's right, we didn't set a time. But I thought it more proper to meet you up 'ere, so I was hopin' ta find ya. And here ya are."

"Yes, here I am." Why was I feeling embarrassed?

He seemed to notice something amiss as he looked around. "Where's Joe?"

Now I felt disappointed. "Oh, he wasn't feeling that well this morning. The doctor says he caught a cold. I was going to tell you that when I came down."

I peered up at him to gauge his reaction. Why was I so worried if he didn't want to see me without Joe? I knew it was because I had never really had any friends. It felt nice at the prospect of someone wanting to be in my company.

"Ah, tha's a shame. I do hope he feels better." He said nothing else as he focused his gaze out into the ocean. I realized he wasn't going to say anything more, so I spoke for him.

"Well Mr. Ryan, I must thank you again for all that you've done for me, and for Joe. So I will not bother you anymore. Goodbye."

I turned and walked away but before I could put much distance between us he gently grabbed my upper arm.

"Hey now, don' go runnin, off. I'd still like to have your company, if you'll have mine."

I smiled despite myself, I was glad he wanted to get to know me. I certainly wanted to know more about him.

"Alright Mr. Ryan." I rejoined him next to the railing.

"Jaysus fuckin' Christ, how many times do I hafta remind ya, the names Tommy." I laughed out loud at his forwardness. And I wasn't used to hearing such vulgar language, but I liked it. It made me feel strangely comfortable.

"I'm sorry Tommy, but I'm just so used to addressing people properly. It might take me a day or two to get used to it." I said between a fit of laughter.

He seemed to understand. "What makes ya think I'll be seein' ya again?"

I felt embarrassed and red in the face as I scrambled to give an explanation. I certainly didn't want him to feel obligated to spend any more time then he wanted to.

"Oh, uh, I mean, you don't have to, I just meant…" God why did I feel like this? I was stuttering on my own words.

He nudged me on the elbow as he reassured me, "Violet, I was only pullin' yer leg. Don't fret yer pretty face. You can have me as long as ye like."

I looked down really embarrassed now, but I could not hide the smirk on my face. Thankfully he looked away from me and looked to the scenery again. I noticed we were standing the same way. Both of us leaning on the railing with both elbows propped up, gazes on the horizon. I wondered what we must look like standing here side by side. Not that I really cared what others thought, it was just for my own musings. I stole a glance at him from the side.

I never really gave him a proper look through, not that that was a polite thing to do, but I was curious. He wore the same thing he had worn yesterday. The same hat, coat, and shirt. His unshaven face was strangely appealing to me. Most men I had met or was used to being in the company with were always clean shaven. He was handsome, I noted, his accent didn't hurt either. Especially when he swore, it made me feel giddy, like I was breaking a rule being around him.

Is that why I fancied his company? To break free from my status, to feel like I wasn't a part of my world? I had to admit part of that had to be true. But I was also genuinely curious about Tommy as a person. Who he was, why he was on Titanic, why he took an interest in me? I guess that was the biggest question I wanted answered. He seemed to sense I was looking at him, because he turned and grinned at me like he knew a secret I didn't. That smile definitely didn't hurt either. It lit up his entire face.

"What are ya lookin' at?"

"I'm just curious about you, that's all." I didn't take my gaze from him, but he didn't seem to mind as he returned the look to me. Obviously studying me.

"Is tha' so? Well you can ask me anythin' ya wish ta know."

"Okay then. Well I guess the most important question is why you are aboard the Titanic."

"Fer work of course, jus' like all the other third class passengers aboard this ship. We're all hopin' fer a new life, a better life. My uncle lives in America, he offered me a job an' I took it."

"What sort of job?"

"He works in the railroad business layin' the tracks' 'n such, so I'd be helpin' in whatever he needed me ta do. I'm a pretty versatile lad." He added smugly. I shook my head at his cheekiness. We almost had the same reason for going to America: my fiancé owned a railroad business and his uncle worked for one. Small world. Without thinking I asked my next question before silence filled the air between us.

"You mentioned your mother last night. What happened to her?"

A glaze seemed to come over his eyes. Whether it was from mentioning last night or his mother I didn't know, but I soon retracted my question not wanting to upset or offend him.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't proper of me to ask such a thing."

"No, it's alrigh'. She died las' year. The scarlet fever took 'er."

"I'm sorry." It seemed pathetic to say, it obviously was still something that upset him but it was all I could think of to say.

"No, it's alrigh' of ya ta ask. Ya know, I hadn' spoken of 'er till las' nigh'. Not ta anyone."

"Really, then why…" I couldn't seem to finish my question because I wasn't sure of what I really wanted to know. He seemed to pick up on the struggle I was having.

"Seein' ya up there, on the deck, and feelin' helpless to stop ye, it was tha only thin' I could think of ta distract ye, or persuade ya more like it. I always think of 'er when I'm down. It just seemed like tha righ' thin' ta say at the time. And luckily, et worked." He smiled, hoping he didn't offend me.

"Yes, thankfully. She sounds like she was a wonderful mother."

"Aye, she was." Without prodding him further Tommy continued to talk about his mother, his family, and his home. "She always taught me ta hope fer a better life than what she could provide fer me brother and I. My father left us, ya see, and she never forgave 'em fer it. And neither did I. I always told myself I'd never be the kind o' man that would leave his wife an' children behind. Tha's the real reason I left Ireland, I promised 'er I'd make somethin' o' myself. My older brother Sean is already in America, livin' the dream. It was time I made my over also."

"Would you ever go back?"

"I dunno, I always thought I'd die in Ireland, so maybe. What about you?"

"I wouldn't have left in the first place if I wasn't forced to. I love England. It will always be my home. I've been to Ireland once. It was so beautiful. I don't know why anyone would leave."

"Everyone's got their reasons."

I was quiet, thinking about Tommy in Ireland, he seemed to fit my picture so well. I don't know if I could picture him in America. But I didn't tell him that.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation, after all you did save my life."

"Nah, ye saved yerself. Only you could have pulled yerself over. I was just tryin' to get ya distracted. And ye don' owe me any explanation, it's not my business."

I was very grateful for his discretion, but I felt I had to tell someone. He seemed like he would listen to me and understand what I was going through. He spilled his life story to me, now I felt like sharing.

"If it's all the same, I would like to tell you the reason why…why I had decided to do that. I think I might feel better telling someone. That is if you'd let me?"

He held his arm out to me so I could take it as he said, "Would ya like to take a walk while ya tell me yer life story? It's a big boat and I've go' time enough fer ya."

I felt like I would burst with joy. He actual wanted to listen to me, to hear what I had to say. I tucked my arm in the crook of his elbow as he led me around the deck. I started my story from the beginning. I mentioned my parents, how I was raised, what was expected of me my whole life, how I tried to rebel and it always back fired. Everything up until the recent news that was the reason I was going to end it all. He never interrupted or asked questions. He seemed thoughtful and nodded his head in understanding at certain parts of my story. It wasn't until I mentioned my betrothal that he finally spoke up.

"Mother and father told me just two months ago that I would board the Titanic with them and Joe, so I could unite with my fiancé. I've never met him, but my father assures me he is a gentleman. But I still can't help but feel that it doesn't matter if he's a gentleman or not, if I don't love him or he doesn't love me, than it's just a waste. But you see I have to. My father reminds me every day the debt we are in, and it's up to me to save the family from poverty. So that's when I decided it would be better if I were dead." He stiffened his posture as I said this, but I went on. "But thankfully you gave me enough sense to see that I was being selfish. I need to be there for Joe. It's my duty. Without him, I don't think I would have survived all my seventeen years."

He chuckled at me and I understood why.

"Yes, I know seventeen is not nearly enough time lived to actually have experienced much. But isn't that the point of being young? Everything is new and feels strange. You're learning things for the first time and it's terrifying because it's all you know. And you don't realize that it will get better with time and understanding. I know adults laugh it off and say 'Don't be so childish'. But I think that's because they've forgotten what it was like to feel everything for the first time."

He looked at me strangely liked I had cracked the code on something he had been trying to figure out. He shook his head and smiled.

"I know I'm rambling, but that's how I feel."

"I wasn't laughin' at ya Violet. You just surprise me is all. But in all seriousness Violet, I don' think you were selfish fer wanting to do what you were intendin' las' night. But it's like ye said, you don' know any more than what ye know right now. Ya felt there was no other way. Yer brother is what ye know and what ye care about. So tha's what ye live for. But hopefully now you can learn to live fer so much more."

"That's exactly what I'm intending to do. I've accepted my responsibilities, but I'm going to make the most of it." I nervously covered my hand where I was wearing the ring Robert sent to me. Tommy noticed the action and eyed the rock on my hand.

"That's not exactly what I meant. So yer still gonna go through an' marry this bloke you've never met? I can see by tha' massive rock yer coverin' that yer not so sure."

I was annoyed that he noticed me do this. "I don't really have a choice."

"Everyone has a choice Violet. Ye just have to take the initiative and do it."

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have anyone depending on you." I snapped back.

I instantly regretted saying that he didn't have anyone, because he was obviously hurt by my comment.

"I'm sorry Tommy. But you don't know what I'd give to be free like you."

"Ye think I'm free? Even as a poor lad, workin' job to job, strugglin' to stay alive. Ye would take that over comfort and security?"

I didn't have to think about it. "In a heartbeat."

He nodded his head in understanding but didn't brooch the subject anymore. We continued walking around the deck with my arm still encased in his elbow. I lost track of how many times we walked around the ship, but I couldn't care less. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off me, now that I knew he knew. He seemed content to walk with me in silence, I was glad because I had no intention of parting with him anytime soon.

"Well, Violet, since we've covered the serious stuff, how 'bout we change the subject?"

"That sounds wonderful."

He seemed to think for a moment then said, "Tell me somethin' about yerself no one else knows."

I stammered, a little embarrassed at the informal request, "Uh, like what?"

"Anything, jus' as long as it's something you wouldn't tell another soul."

"You mean a secret?"

"I suppose if ya wanna look at it like tha'."

"Isn't that the point of a secret that no one else is supposed to know?"

"Ah come on, who am I gonna tell?" He gave me another one of his cheeky smiles. I was learning pretty quick that it worked on me.

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"No."

I swatted my arm at him. He made to flinch before I could get him.

"Are you always this impossible?" I followed him trying to hit him with my purse.

"Tha's what everyone tells me. So I must oblige."

"Bastard." I mumbled under my breath, but clear enough that only he could hear me.

"Such filthy language coming from such a lady." He said in mock offense.

"If you knew me, Mr. Ryan, you would know that I am no lady." He looked surprised as we started walking side by side again. To my disappointment though, he did not hold his arm out to me.

"Alright, Violet, you tell me yer secret and I swear on me life I will not laugh."

I eyed him suspiciously and he gave me a reassuring nudge on the shoulder.

"I've always wanted to be a writer. That's what I want to do with my life."

"Then do it."

"It's not that easy."

"Yes it is, you just ge' some paper, a pen, and you write."

"As a married woman, it's not proper to have a profession. I don't think my fiancé would approve of that very much."

"Fuck 'em!"

I looked behind me, shocked, as he stood a few paces away from me. I didn't realize he had stopped until I heard him say…say that!

"Shhh! Someone will hear you!" I said under my breath coming closer to him.

"Fuck 'em too! Fuck everyone Violet! You'll never be happy if ya don' do somethin' fer yer own."

I couldn't help but laugh as he made his proclamations to me. He was right, I knew that. But he really didn't understand that I had no choice.

"Okay, okay, I hear you."

We picked up our pace and this time, to my delight, he took my arm.

"I told you one of my secrets. Now tell me one of yours."

"I already told ye practically my whole life story, nothin' else ta spill."

"You are not getting out of this, come on there must be something you haven't told a soul."

I leaned closer to him, hoping it would urge him to tell me something, anything.

"Ah well, there is…one thing."

"Spill it, don't keep a lady waiting."

"Oh so you're a lady again are ya?"

"Don't change the subject. Just tell me before I give you another whopping."

"Alright, alright, but ye can't laugh."

"I won't."

He looked down at his feet as we walked side by side. "I'm glad yer brother got lost."

"What?" _Now I'm confused, that's not even a real secret_.

"I said I'm glad yer broth…"

"No I heard you. It's just that…why would you be glad about something like that?"

"Ye really don't know?"

"Know what? That's not even a good secret Tommy."

"Ta me it is. I only meant that, if it wasn't fer yer brother getting' lost…I would've never met ya."

_Ohhhhh_. "Oh. I see."

"'I see' is all ye could say. I practically told ye I enjoy bein' in yer company and ya say 'I see'."

"I'm sorry, I've just never been told something like that. I don't have very many friends. But I enjoy your company too."

"Now tha's a little better. But you can make it up ta me later."

I noticed a few scornful glares from other passerby's, at a third class man walking with a first class lady. I hoped Tommy couldn't see the looks we were receiving. If he did he probably didn't care just like I did. But I still wondered how he felt about the class difference, if he even saw a difference at all. This prompted my next question, disregaurding his last statement.

"Tommy," He seemed startled by my abruptness, "What's it like in third class?"

"Didn't ya see it when ye came down for yer brother?"

"Yes, I saw what it looked like, but what's it like to be third class I mean? What do you do?"

"Ya mean what do we do fer fun?" He raised an eyebrow at me, teasing me, again. "Ya sure ye want ta know?"

"Yes, of course. It must be better than what we do in first class."

"Well we dance, we sing, we drink, play games. We generally jus' do wha'ever we please. Wha'ever seems the most enjoyable at the time."

"That sounds fun." I don't think I've ever had fun in my life. The thought is depressing. Just as my life was supposed to begin, it was ending. At least it felt like that to me.

Tommy stopped walking to pull me in front of him. He looked giddy and excited. "Would ya like ta come to a party? Ye can have some fun wit' me."

"I would like that more than anything," The thought of spending more time with Tommy was very appealing. And everything he mentioned that they do for fun seemed too good to resist. But I couldn't miss dinner, not again. "But, I can't miss dinner, mother and father would be furious with me." I looked down not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. I was surely feeling it in this moment. But he just squeezed my hands tighter and widened the smile on his face.

"Tha's okay, ye can come after. The party don' really get goin' till later anyways. Come on, it'll be fun, I promise ya."

I didn't want to get too excited in case I was let down, but I smiled for him anyways.

"I'll see what I can do. I will try and get away."

"Tha's all I ask of ya."

"Where is it? The party?"

"It's in the common room where I first met ye. I'll save the first dance fer ya, if you'll allow me."

"Of course. Who else would I dance with?"

"Oh ye'll be surprised at who will try an' drag ye on the dance floor. But don' worry you'll be safe with me."

"And who says I need saving?"

"Well, I uh, ye can dance with whoever ya wish Violet." It was my turn to make him stammer his words now. Feeling victorious, I started to leave him with a grin on my face.

"Good."

That's all I left him with as I went back to first class. I had every intention of going to that party with him. I stole one last look at him, seeing him shake his head in defeat with the broadest smile on his face. Yes, it felt good to get the last laugh.

A/N: I would totally party with Tommy Ryan. Please read and review. Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

April 12th, 1912

I was shaking with excitement as I put on my evening dress. After dinner I was going to a party. A real, party with dancing, music, lively conversation, games, and who knew what else. It was going to be nothing like a first class party, that I knew for sure. But I still couldn't shake off my nerves at what I didn't know about third class and its people. If they're anything like Tommy, I will really enjoy myself. Maybe there will be girls my age there? The thought of meeting more interesting people was too much for me at the moment.

I couldn't keep my fingers still as I tried to clasp my buttons behind my back. I decided on something extra simple to wear, so I didn't stand out too much in third class. I wanted to blend in as much as possible. I also found myself wondering what Tommy would think of my dress. Not that he paid much attention to women's fashion, but I still wanted to make some kind of impression.

Just as I was getting to the last button my mother came in all dressed up.

"Violet, do you need help dear? We will be late."

"Could you just help me with this last button mama? I want it to be perfect."

I could hear the surprise in her voice. She was obviously pleased with my change in mood.

"Well, it looks like that walk did you some good."

I blushed at her statement.

"Yes, I suppose it did."

I was just ready to walk out the door, when my mother gently placed her arm on mine. I looked into her eyes, and she cast hers down like she was ashamed of something.

"Mama, what is it?"

"You've grown so much, I hardly recognize you." She placed her hand on my cheek, something she hasn't done in years. It took me by surprise; I stood rigid, listening to her. "I'm so proud of you. I know it's been hard, with the debt and all. But I want you to know that…I've always loved you Violet. In my own way."

"I know mama. I'll admit it hasn't been the best couple of years. But I'm grateful for you and papa."

She seemed really touched that we had had a heart to heart. But I don't think I'd ever forgive her for all those years, just from those few words from her. After all, they're just words. I couldn't forgive her, not yet.

Walking into the dining room was always intimidating for me. Because I'm uneasy in small spaces I get flustered when there are too many people around. Especially when you are being introduced and passed around from person to person. Bowing and curtsying one after the other, I'm exhausted and dinner hasn't even started yet. I kept glancing at the clock. Timing when I could make my escape. Sadly, I still had a ways to go.

Father led mother to our assigned table and I followed close by without a chaperone. Just another one of the things that irritate me about first class. Always insistent that a man lead you to where you need to go. As if I can't find my way to a dinner table. _Jeesh!_

We sat, but not before the men pulled the chairs out for the ladies. Once everyone was seated, drinks and the first courses were served. I had some champagne to calm my nerves. I don't know if I was nervous about dinner and socializing or the party afterwards. I couldn't wait to dance with Tommy, but I was also fearful. Of what, I wasn't sure. But I wasn't going to let it keep me from enjoying myself. I trusted him anyways. Even after the short time we have known each other.

No one addressed me, thank god, but the conversations were the usually ones I had heard before. Always talking about money, the next big thing, Titanic, and what a wonderful ship she is.

I had to admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I assumed Titanic to be another display of power, showing off what the wealthy could do. But I saw it as a vessel of hope and dreams. These people may not realize it, but Titanic was giving hope to the passengers below. Hope for a new life and a better future. I think they unknowingly brought all different walks of life of people together for one purpose. If only they could see what would benefit for everyone if there wasn't class segregation. We could all help one another to achieve our hopes and desires.

I suddenly felt like I could do anything I set my mind to, just like Tommy said. I knew he was right, I just had to see it for myself. I looked at the clock again, just as I realized the time, the gentleman started to depart leaving the ladies to socialize. This was my moment.

"Mama, may I be excused?"

"Where are you going dear?"

"I was going to take another walk before I retired."

She liked the new mood I was in so she did not argue. "Of course dear, just don't stay out too late."

"I won't." I had to remind myself to keep track of time, so I wouldn't be gone too long. I didn't want to ruin the trust my mother had in me right now. Even though I was breaking that trust by lying to her.

I followed the same route I took when I tried to find Joe yesterday. Was that just yesterday? It felt like longer to me. I took the elevator to third class this time. The bell hop gave me a strange look as I told him where to take me. But he knew better than to question a first class passenger, I thought a little smugly. When we reached the third class level, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I walked to the common room that was bursting with noise, music, and laughter, but it sounded so inviting.

I made my way down the stairs, bumping into people going up and down. It was a lot warmer than I expected it to be, but with all these people it made sense. The music was so loud I could barely hear myself think. I started to feel a little tense as I was pushed and shoved in between people going to and fro. I didn't know where to go or where to find Tommy and I was afraid to ask anyone. I don't think they could have heard me anyways. I was getting nervous being in here as I realized we were probably close to the bottom of the ship. I felt my breath catch in my throat, as I tried to inhale a big gulp of air.

Just as the current song ended, I heard my name through the crowd. I looked to see Tommy coming towards me. I breathed a sigh of relief that he had found me. It didn't feel so bad in here anymore.

"I was callin' ya, didn't ye hear me?"

"No, it was so loud."

He smiled and laughed, "Yeah, I guess yer not used to et. Come on."

He took my hand and led me through the crowd, drawing attention to the fact that a first class girl was in their midst. I shied away from the stares and curious glances. Just then another song started up, but one not so boisterous. I could hear the conversations of those around us. I didn't want to listen too keenly in case they were talking about me.

Tommy pulled me to a table where three other men were seated.

"Oi lads, this is Violet."

They all turned mouths hanging open as they looked at me in disbelief.

"Hello." I said nervously.

They said nothing, just kept staring. I looked to Tommy feeling a little embarrassed. "Um, are they alright?"

"Yeah, there jus' stunned is all. I told 'em 'bout ya, but I don' think they believed me. Eh, quit starin' and offer the lady a chair!"

One of the men, who had a darker complexion stood up abruptly, putting his hand out to shake with mine.

"Excusee, Bernardo, please sit." He gestured to his chair but I took his hand and sat in an empty chair next to him.

"Pleased to meet you Bernardo, I'm Violet."

The other two seemed to come to as they stretched their hands to me to introduce themselves.

Another dark haired man, Lorenzo and the man who had a pale complexion with fiery red hair was Hamish.

Once we were all settled and introduced, Tommy took a seat next mine. He was very close, I don't know if he did it to comfort me or because the room was crowded as it was. But either way I didn't mind.

He leaned into me, his lips right next to my ear. "Would ye like a drink?"

"Yes please." He got up and motioned to the guys if they wanted anything, they all nodded. "Do you need some help Tommy?"

"No ye jus' sit there and look pretty, I will be right back. Don't le' anyone else steal ye fer a dance."

He winked at me as I turned my head down, cheeks growing red. I looked up to all three men eyeing me skeptically. It was the pale, red head that spoke first, Hamish.

"So what's a lass like you doin' down here?" He asked gruffly with a thick Scottish accent.

"Tommy invited me."

Lorenzo leaned in ignoring Hamish, "How you two, uh meet again?" He made hand gestures to make it easier for me to understand him.

"He helped me with something, and I owe him a favor."

"Ye owe who a favor?" Tommy made his way through the crowd holding five overflowing beers in his hands. He set them on the table and slid one to me.

"I owe you a favor. Thanks for this." I tapped on the glass.

"Ye don' owe me anythin'."

He smiled at me and I returned it to him as I lifted the beer to my lips. I didn't want to give away that it was my first time tasting beer so I took a big gulp, which was a mistake. I sputtered as I choked on the hearty liquid. I coughed drawing more attention to myself.

"Easy there lass, no need to impress anyone. How's it taste? Not like ye thought right?"

"Is it that obvious? It doesn't taste how it looks."

"It's an acquired taste." He laughed. "Just sip et, you'll get used to et."

I did as he said, and it was much better a little bit at a time. After I had tested the beer a little more Tommy asked, "Why'd ye look so uncertain when ye came down 'ere? Did ye not wan' ta come?"

"No, I'm just a little uneasy around small spaces or big crowds. But I feel fine now."

"Ah, I'm sorry I didn' know. But yer okay now right?" He asked very concerned, setting his own drink down.

"Yes, much better." I assured him.

The music continued to boom through the common room as I watched people interacting with each other. There were people dancing, talking, playing games, just like Tommy said. I was enjoying myself just people watching, but I was wondering when and if Tommy was going to ask me to dance. He kept his gaze on the dance floor occasionally talking with Hamish, Lorenzo, and Bernardo.

"Oi Hamish, how 'bout that arm wrestle ye challenged me too?" Tommy egged Hamish on.

"Don't bother wee lad, I'll hand ye to yer mother before ye can call mercy." Hamish replied coolly, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

Lorenzo and Bernardo whistled to each other. You didn't need to speak the same language to know when some one's been insulted. I tried to hold back a giggle from the look on Tommy's face. He looked like someone insulted his manhood. Well, actually that's exactly what happened.

"Ye afraid I'll beat ya and prove ye wrong?" Tommy leaned in sneering at the Scott.

Hamish mimicked Tommy's gesture and sneered right back at him, "Ye afraid I'll beat ya in front of yer girl?"

That did it, Tommy smacked his elbow on the table and Hamish grabbed it forcefully. Lorenzo quickly moved our drinks away; clearing a space for the match. Neither Tommy nor Hamish seemed to move until I realized that they were both equally as strong as the other. They were struggling to get the other ones arm on the table. It seemed to go on forever as a crowd formed to see which best man won. Lorenzo nudged my elbow grabbing my attention.

"You, dance with me?" He asked shyly.

I turned to the arm wrestling that was still getting nowhere. Well, if Tommy wasn't going to ask me to dance than I wasn't going to wait for him.

I took Lorenzo's hand, "I'd love to."

We stood up together, drawing attention from the crowd around us. Tommy or Hamish didn't seem to notice until I heard Bernardo tell Tommy, "Eh I think my brother stole your girlfriend."

"Wha?" Tommy said still clutching Hamish's hand as he looked to find my seat empty, and then turned to find me embraced in a dance with Lorenzo.

It was then that Tommy let his hand fall slack, Hamish slamming it on the table in victory. The crowd erupted in cheers but Tommy looked defeated, mouth hanging open as Lorenzo spun me around the dance floor. Tommy looked back at a smug Hamish.

"I told ye."

"Two out o' three, two out o' three!" I heard Tommy yell.

I shook my head as Lorenzo taught me some dance steps, he held me close as we swayed back and forth. I felt horrible for stepping all over his feet.

"I'm sorry Lorenzo, I've never danced like this before."

"It's okay, first time for everything, no?"

"Exactly." I said excitedly.

He spun me around a couple more times as another song started up, this one a little slower than the first. He made to change his steps to accommodate the new tempo, when we spun right into a solid object. Before I could apologize to whoever we bumped into, I saw it was Tommy.

"I believe this one's my dance."

Lorenzo obligingly released me so Tommy could cut in. He placed his hand to my raised one placing it on his shoulder. He took his other hand and placed it on my waist, bringing us closer together. I felt warm at the closeness we were standing to one another. I looked to the floor to hide the red in my cheeks.

"Yer not supposed to look at yer feet when yer dancin'."

"I'm afraid to look anywhere else."

He took the hand that was resting mine on his shoulder and placed it under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his.

"Ye don' have ta be afraid."

We stared at each other as the song went on. There were other dance partners swaying around us. I felt like we were the only ones in there, I tightened my grip on his shoulders at the thought. He grinned at my move and kept a sturdier hold on my waist.

I was looking at him until I realized something and started to laugh. He looked confused.

"Wha's so funny?"

I gestured to his head, "Do you always where that thing?"

He looked up, raising his brow in curiosity. "Ye mean my hat?"

"Yes. I don't think I've seen you without it. Are you bald under there?" I asked still laughing.

"I'll have ye know, this is my prized possession. And no I'm not bald. I've got a luscious head o' hair."

"I'll believe it when I see it." I was challenging him, and he knew it. He eyed me with a smirk.

"Here," he said as he released one hand from my waist to pull the hat off his head and place it on mine. "Ye can wear it, an' keep it safe fer me."

The hat completely engulfed my whole head. My eyesight was obstructed by the bridge of the brown bowler hat. Tommy fixed it for me by tilting it backward on my head. "There now ye can see me."

"That's much better." I told him as I studied the mop of hair on his head. He was even more handsome without the hat. I think I will keep it from him for as long as I can.

The slow song had ended, neither if us realized it until a more exciting song started up, drawing more people to the dance floor.

"Would ye like to sit down?"

"Yes." I nodded as he led me to our table, this time only Bernardo and Hamish were sitting there. They were on their third glasses of beer.

"Where's Lorenzo?" Tommy asked.

Bernardo pointed to the other side of the room, where Lorenzo was romancing a girl. Tommy shook his head and laughed as he turned back to the table to look at me.

He stared at me for awhile with a look on his face, I couldn't tell what it was.

"What?" I asked.

"Ye look good in me hat."

A/N: Another chapter so soon? The fun continues next chapter. Hope you enjoyed the first half of the party. Read and review! Thanks again.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

April 12th, 1912

Tommy was right. The party really didn't get going until later in the night. The room seemed to fill with more and more people by the minute. I was getting more comfortable with the loud music and boisterous energy all around me. I was on my third beer and feeling great. I had gotten a little sweaty and flustered and I could feel my hair sticking to my skin. Thank God I wasn't wearing a corset I would have fainted long ago. I was still wearing Tommy's hat, keeping it safe for him. I lost my shoes somewhere, I don't remember where I put them, _or maybe I gave them to someone? _I was lost after the fourth dance with Tommy. Every dance except for the first had been fast paced and invigorating. He showed me some simple steps, but assured me there weren't rules to dancing, just as long as you got up and did it.

The most upbeat dance was one where you switched partners throughout the dance. It was incredibly confusing and I kept messing up everyone else's steps. I ended up dancing with a woman that didn't speak English but laughed with me as I apologized to her. She handed me to my right partner which happened to be Tommy.

"I'm sorry I'm not very good at this." I laughed at myself as he took up the dance position, holding me closer than I think we were supposed to be.

"Tha's alright. It's like I said, there's no right steps."

"But I'm messing it up for everyone else."

"Nah, yer doin' great." He smiled reassuringly down at me.

The song ended and the band announced they were going to take a break and have a few drinks of their own. Tommy led me to our table that was covered in empty and half full glasses. We sat down, out of breath. I don't know how many drinks he had had, but it didn't seem to faze him. He was probably used to it. I played cards with Hamish in between one of the dances. I had won fair and square, much to Hamish's disappointment. I finally had some luck with the cards I was given.

Tommy leaned over to me as I gulped down my fourth drink, the taste didn't bother me anymore. It actually felt smooth as it eased my dry throat.

"Are ye havin' fun?"

"Are you kidding? This is the most fun I've ever had!"

I was practically screaming at him over the loud chatter of the room. He wrapped his arm over my shoulder bringing me closer to him.

"I'm glad ye are." He took a drag of his cigarette and I studied him as he did it.

"Can I try that?" I was curious. My father always had a pipe hanging from his mouth and I detested the smell. But I've never seen him smoke a cigarette. It never occurred to me to want to try it. But seeing Tommy do it_, how hard could it be?_

He looked surprised as he looked at me then his half smoked cigarette. "Ya sure? Might make ye sick."

"Just hand it over."

He shook his head and took his cigarette out of his mouth handing it to me. "Don't say I didn't warn ya."

I took it in between my fingers like he did, and hesitated before I put my lips to it. I could see him eyeing me as I hesitated, it made me nervous. I must have inhaled too much because I started coughing uncontrollably. Tommy patted me on the back as I tried to catch my breath.

"I told ya, easy now."

After I had composed myself I looked at him, "How can you smoke this? And drink all that beer? How many have you had anyways?"

"I lost count. But I'm used to it. I started when I was a young lad. Me brother gave me ma first drink when I was ten. And not long after tha' he let me try smoking. I reacted much tha same as ye did."

"Well I don't feel so bad then. I guess I should have started a long time ago."

"Nah, it spoils yer health. Takes yer youth it does. I'll be lookin' much older than I am in a couple years. Jus' ye wait and see."

"How old are you?"

"Does it matter?"

"I'm just curious."

"Ye sure are a curious one." When he saw that I wasn't going to drop it he sighed and replied hesitantly. "Well, if ye must know I'm twenty five."

"That's nothing! You're still very young. Actually I thought you were younger than that."

"Really?" I nodded my head. "How old did ye think I was?"

"I guessed twenty."

"Well call me flattered." He put out his cigarette in the ashtray in the middle of the table as silence passed between us. Trying to figure what to say next, I fiddled with the embroidery on my dress, drawing attention to myself.

"Ye look really lovely tonight Violet."

I quickly shot a glance up to see Tommy noticing that I was nervously playing with my dress.

"Thank you." I looked back down to my hands in embarrassment.

"Ah, ye don' have to be embarrassed. A pretty thing like ye should be used to flattery." He finished off his beer and placed the empty glass on the table, along with all the other glasses that were piling up fast.

"Actually, you're the first person that's ever told me something like that."

He looked at me in amazement. "Wha'? Yer joking wit' me."

I shook my head.

"I was never very sociable, I mean I had appearances I had to make, but no one really talked to me, especially other boys my age. I'm not sure why." The memories of being the only girl without a chaperone or a dance partner quickly started to dampen my mood.

"Tha's because they're just _boys_ Violet. Any _man_ could see how beautiful ye are."

"Do _you_ think I'm beautiful?"

I couldn't look up from my hands twisting in my dress, wrinkling the satin, but I felt his gaze on me. When I didn't look up he stretched his hand over mine, his one fully engulfing both of mine. Then I looked up. I could only imagine how red my cheeks were, even after dancing in the stuffy room.

We were inches apart now. He wrapped his arm over my shoulders bringing us closer.

"I was very smitten when I first laid eyes on ye. So yes, Violet, I think yer beautiful."

I made the mistake of looking from his eyes to his mouth because I could see he noticed that. Looking over my face he seemed to contemplate something. If he was thinking what I was thinking, I was not prepared for this. Did I want this? Yes. Did he? I hope so. There were too many variables that told me I shouldn't be thinking these things about him. But it was there, we were in this moment and I couldn't suppress it. Just as I was going to turn away, Tommy breathed my name in a whisper so only I could hear him.

"Violet…" I saw him lean a little closer until we were interrupted by Bernardo running into the table knocking our drinks and empty glasses over.

"Would ya watch where yer fuckin' goin'!" Tommy grabbed Bernardo by his collar playfully and pushed him aside.

We were no longer in the close embrace as we settled back in our chairs. My cheeks felt even redder at being so close to him, even more so than when we were dancing. Was he going to kiss me? I looked at him and he seemed far away in thought. I hope I didn't offend him. I was about to ask him when Hamish and someone I didn't know came up to us.

"Eh lass, do us a favor?" He was completely drunk, but surprisingly more pleasant than when he was sober.

I smiled at him, thankful for a distraction. "What favor would that be?"

"This bastard," he gestured to the man he was hanging off of, "thinks he is a better singer than me."

"Is everything a contest with you Hamish?"

"Or course! I'm Scottish, didn't you notice?"

"That I did." I shared a glance with Tommy, he was still hatless and the curls on his head were dampened by the heat in the room. He looked absolutely handsome. I had to make myself look back at Hamish, I wasn't thinking straight when looking at Tommy.

"So will ya do us a favor?"

"Of course I will."

"We will sing for you, and you can be the judge and decide which is better. It obviously will be me." He looked to the crowd around us, getting them riled up.

"Alright, give me your best."

Hamish was first, of course. The combination of alcohol and his accent did not merit a good singing voice. The rest of the crowd seemed to cringe and jeer at his singing. It was not pleasant, but as he ended his song he seemed pleased with himself. I don't think he knew that the clapping from those around him were just grateful that he had stopped. He took a bow and almost fell on his face.

"I'm alright! I'm alright!" He sat down to let his competitor take his turn.

The young man, who I believe was Swedish, stood and started to sing. I didn't understand the language as he was singing, as it was in his native tongue. But he had a beautiful voice. I found myself mesmerized and truly enjoying whatever he was singing about. The crowd took notice too as all were silent, intently listening to the unknown song. When he stopped he earned himself a round of applause, he graciously took a bow.

"Well I think there's no contest Hamish. Sorry but your friend here bested you at singing."

"It's 'cause I'm drunk. No worries though, it's not a loss that one man is better than me at one thing." He shook the Swede's hand to congratulate him.

"So what does he get? He's the winner he must get some sort of prize."I asked.

Hamish seemed to contemplate this as he gave me a teasing smile. "Well how 'bout a kiss from our lovely judge?"

I blushed at this but decided it was innocent enough. "That sounds like a fair prize."

As I stood up to give the man his prize, Tommy stood up belting out a song. He started singing so abruptly it took me a few moments to realize what he was doing. I sat back down staring blankly at him. It sounded like an Irish song, but God he was awful. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be worse than Hamish, but I was mistaken. Everyone stopped to stare at him as he finished with a smug smile, seemingly pleased with himself.

"Well, anyone else want to join in before I make my final decision?" I was flabbergasted.

No one stood forward, so I looked at Tommy, his arms were crossed and he seemed pretty confidant. But there was no contest, the same winner before was the same winner now. And I couldn't help but tease Tommy.

"Sorry boys, no contest." I got out of my seat and walked over to the Swedish man giving him a kiss on the cheek. People yelled and hollered at the display. I was obviously embarrassed once again as the winner took my hand and kissed it in thanks. Both he and Hamish took off as I took my seat next to Tommy, who was pouting like a child with his arms wrapped across his chest.

"You're not mad at me for not choosing you are you?"

"Why would I be?" He wouldn't look at me as he took a drag of his newly lit cigarette.

I scooted closer to him trying to get his full attention, when he felt me touch his shoulder and lean in close to his ear he looked at me.

"Because I know why you did it."

"Did what?"

Before I could think of an answer to give him, I did the only thing I felt was right. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. He must have been stunned because I pulled away when he didn't move.

"Was that good?" I don't know why I asked that. It was my first kiss and I was curious what he thought. The look on his face didn't give me much encouragement. I pulled away slightly, regretting that I let myself do that.

Before I could sit back in my chair he pulled me back facing his body towards me. He grazed my jaw with his fingertips as he leaned into me, this time he fervently returned the kiss. I pulled him even closer by wrapping my hands behind his neck. It felt like I was doing it right, I didn't sense any complaint from Tommy, so I continued to let him explore me. I let out a sigh as he placed a hand on my waste squeezing the flesh under my dress there slightly. I tasted a mixture of tobacco and beer and something else that seemed purely him. We broke apart to look at each other, both breathless and watching each other in wonder.

He smiled then, and answered my previous question, "_That_ Violet, was very good."

I smiled with joy, happy that I had been successful on my first kiss. "I wanted, just once, to do it well. I'm glad it was with you."

He looked sad, and took my hand in his.

"Ye know Violet, ye don' have ta marry any bloke ye don' love."

"Yes I do."

"Why do ye keep sayin' tha'? Its yer parents an' yer brother, I know, but what about you? What do _you want?"_

"Something I can't have."

"Ye know, It's very frustratin' fer me to see ya bound to a life ye don' want'. I don' understand why ye can't just say 'fuck et' and be on yer merry way?"

"Look," I said sternly, tired of having to explain myself, "I've chosen to do this for my family, without me we wouldn't survive. And it's none of your business either way."

At this he leaned away from me a little, out of my grasp. "So ye tell yer life story to a bloke like me, I save yer life, and we get to know each other, and ye kiss me! And it's none of my business?! Typical." He huffed.

"What do you mean typical?" I sat back in my chair, folding my arms over my chest, copying his mannerism.

"It don't matter."

"It matters to me. What's typical?"

"Look Violet, le's not spoil the rest of the evening. Le's just forget this ever happened and have some fun."

"I don't think I could easily forget my first kiss. I didn't think it would end up like that." I was upset that he thought such a thing, but he quickly retrieved my hands and reassured me.

"Hey, hey now. I wasn' talkin' about that Violet. I would never take that back. I jus' don understand yer way o' life. The way yer parents trade ye off like that. It's not right."

"I know, but it _is_ my life. If I could trade it or start over I would…actually even then I don't think I would. How could I make that decision and put Joe through that? I couldn't."

"I understand."

"Do you? Really?"

"God, Violet I want to. But I can't."

After a few painful moments of looking onto his pitying eyes, I said, trying to sound chipper, "Let's not spoil the night. Are you thirsty? I could get us more to drink."

As I stood to retrieve some more drinks he stopped me, "I'll get et Violet, I'll be righ' back."

I could sense he was still agitated about our previous conversation, but I tried to ignore it. He left me alone at the table to wonder why he was getting so angry over my situation. Why was he so concerned? As I was sitting by myself I noticed two girls, who looked to be about my age, walk up to me.

They sat themselves at the table smiling at me. One of the girls greeted me, "Hello, I'm Mary, this here is Gillian."

"Hello, nice to meet you both. I'm Violet." I was nervous. I never really talked to girls my age. Well, I did but they didn't like me all that much. And to be perfectly honest, I didn't care for them either.

"Your dress is _divine_," Gillian emphasized the word divine_, _I couldn't help but laugh, "I would die to be in a dress like that."

"Thank you, but it's not all that fun to wear. It's always poking and prodding me. But without a corset, it's somewhat comfortable."

Mary looked at me in shock, "You're not wearing a corset!?"

"Well, um no, like I said it's more comfortable this way."

"Aren't you afraid you'll fall out?" asked Gillian.

I laughed out loud at this and they joined in with me. "No, I haven't had that problem yet."

"So, you're here with that Irish bloke? That's strange isn't it?" Mary seemed curious but she had a hint of harshness in her tone.

"What's strange about it?"

Mary continued, "Well you're first class, he's third, just seems out of place to me. How did you two meet anyways?"

"I met him down here when I was looking for my brother. I met him again…last night. Actually, he saved my life."

Both girls' eyes shot open with their mouths almost touching the floor. They both asked, "What happened!?"

"It's actually a little embarrassing. I was going to jump off the ship. You see I'm stuck in the middle of an arranged marriage. And I couldn't handle it, so I was going to jump. But thankfully Tommy was there and he pulled me over, he convinced me it wasn't worth it."

Both girls sat in shock until Gillian said, "That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Straight out of a romance novel."

I laughed. It did seem to captivate them. Neither seemed to know what to say after that.

Mary inquired, "But you're alright now, aren't you? I mean you were snogging him just a couple minutes ago."

I felt my cheeks burn beet red as she told me this. I didn't think anyone would have noticed our display.

Seeing my embarrassment, Mary took my arm and said, "Ahh, never mind. Come with us, the other girls are dying to talk to the first class girl."

"Th-the other girls?" I studdered.

"Yes, they all want to meet you, come on."

Hesitantly, I let them both lead me across the room to a group of girls. They eyed me curiously, but made me feel just as welcome as Gillian and Mary did. I talked with them for what felt like a long time. They asked me questions about first class, what the men were like, how many dresses I had, if I liked caviar or not. _I didn't_. They made me feel welcome and not at all out of place. We laughed and giggled as we talked about certain handsome men in the room.

One of the girls pointed passed me, "You're Tommy is quite the handsome one. Looks like your boyo is getting lonely without you."

I looked over my shoulder to see Tommy sitting at the table by himself. He was nursing a cigarette and pushing a glass of beer around the table.

"He's not mine." I countered.

"It sure looked that way to me with your faces pushed together like that. I was wonderin' when you were going to come up for air." They all laughed at my expense, but I smiled out of embarrassment.

"He's been very kind to me, that's all."

"I'm sure he is. You sure he don't feel a little more for you?"

"I'm not sure. It doesn't matter anyways, I'm engaged." I said sadly.

"Ahh, who cares?! Have fun with him while you have the chance."

I blushed at this as a few 'fun' thoughts with Tommy Ryan came creeping into my mind.

"I guess I should get back to him. Thank you girls, it was lovely to meet you all."

I smiled at them as I started to walk away. As I did one of the boisterous ones yelled to me, "Oh lovely did she say? Classy. Hey Violet come back down again, we'd love to chat you up some more!"

"I will, thank you!"

As I made my way back to Tommy, he met my gaze and gave me another one of his brilliant smiles. I was so glad he was no longer angry from our previous spat. He stood up to greet me, taking my hand and slinking an arm around my waist.

"I was begginin' ta think ye forgot about me. Were ye enjoyin' yerself?" He gestured behind me to the group of girls that were watching us.

"Yes I was, they're lovely. I really like them."

"They seem ta like ye as well. What ye talk about?"

"Oh you know girl things." I teased.

"Ahh, somethin' I know nothin' about righ'?" He pulled me closer, smiling at me.

"Oi! Kiss 'er and get it over with! Yer killin'us!" One of the girls behind me yelled.

I hid my face in Tommy's vest trying not to laugh. He held me as he roared with laughter. But I could also see his cheeks had turned red also.

"Would ye like ta dance before ye leave?"

"I don't want to leave yet." I instantly felt disappointment at the thought of leaving. I was fully enjoying myself being down here with Tommy. I actually forgot about the time and that I wasn't even supposed to be down here that long, or at all.

"I'm glad ye don't. But I can't keep ye down here forever. We could always see each other tomorrow?"

"Promise?" I looked up at him making sure we were face to face. I noticed his blue eyes had specks of green in them. I could get lost looking at him like this.

"Of course. Maybe ye can invite me as yer guest to one of yer dinner parties." He laughed a little as we made our way back to the dance floor.

I honestly thought he was joking. So I didn't realize that what I would say next would truly upset him and cause a riff in the evening.

"I don't think you'd like it all that much. I can't see you mingling with my crowd."

The abruptness of the way that he stopped us from dancing caused me to trip over my steps. As I tried to regain my footing I could sense he was not happy. He stood still letting go of me, letting my arms fall to my sides. He took a step back from me as he placed his hands in his pockets.

"Afraid to be seen with the likes o' me? Afraid I'll embarrass ya with yer 'tough crowd'?"

"That's not what I meant, I was only saying…"

"What did ye mean Violet? Ye talk about us bein' the same kind o' people, but ye stand there and sound jus' like them."

That was a low blow. I felt that in the pit of my stomach and something in my chest, like a part of me was breaking. After everything I had told him he had the nerve to throw that in my face. It hurt more than anything. I never meant that I didn't want him with me. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I wanted to bring him with me to the first class gatherings. I didn't give a shit what anyone thought of us. I just didn't want to subjugate him to how we were. How we treated his kind. I would be mortified and embarrassed if he saw where I came from. I thought I knew him. I thought he knew me. Was it so impossible for two people from different classes to be together? I obviously had my answer.

Tears threatened to spring from my eyes as he looked at me with hate. I never wanted to see a look like that directed at me, especially from him.

"I think too highly of you, Tommy Ryan, to expose you their hateful, selfish ways. I know you're much more then they will make you out to be. I was ashamed to show you that side of my life. But I see it doesn't matter. You seem to be under the impression that I'm just like them anyways. Well, you're wrong, you know nothing about me."

Before my emotions got the better of me I turned from him not wanting to speak another word. Not like this. I made my way through the crowd, bumping into cheerful people as tears flowed freely down my face. I half expected him to come after me, but I was glad he didn't. I couldn't face him right now. Not with the knowledge of how he thought of me. It was unbearable to be seen in that kind of light. Maybe I was never meant to be anyone else than what my parents made me out to be. I took his hat off my head and placed it on our table as I passed it. Without a back ward glance to the party behind me, I left, never intending to see Tommy Ryan again.

A/N: Oh no! I'm sorry to do this to you guys but I have my reasons. Until the next chapter, please read and review. Thank you!

Movie Trivia: Can anyone guess where I borrowed the idea for the singing contest?


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

April 12th, 1912

I watched her leave the common room after our argument. Could I call it an argument? After all it was a just a misunderstanding. I saw the tears that covered her red cheeks. I had been in the wrong for saying that to her. I knew she was nothing like them. Then why did I say it? I could kick myself for ruining a perfectly good evening with a beautiful girl like Violet. I witnessed her slowly open up as we danced. And I watched her joyfully as she blended so well with everyone else.

I admit, I held her a little closer than was probably proper, but she didn't stop me so I indulged. I felt like complete shite after what I said to her hurt her so clearly. I rubbed the back of my neck, thinking about how much I fucked this up. She probably never wanted to see me again. I don't blame her.

I sat down at the table that we had occupied for most of the night. I saw my hat left behind on the table surrounded by the numerous drinks we had consumed. The party had slowly died down as it was nearing after midnight. As I clutched the brim of my hat to return it to my head I thought of the story of Cinderella that my mother had told me as a child. Violet had left just like the cinder girl, leaving the hat behind for me to pick up, reminding me of the girl that was probably forever out of my reach. Only she was royalty and I was the pauper in disguise. I led her to believe I was someone she could trust.

I still was, I just let her down. How could I ever explain to her that I was in the wrong? I had to find her and make it right, even if she wanted nothing to do with me further. I decided to return to my room. I was no longer in the mood to socialize and my consumption of alcohol had made me a tad queasy.

Thankfully the cabin was empty as I entered it. I could use a little peace and quiet. I undressed down to my underwear as I crawled into the sheets. My mind fully occupied with her. The memory of the way she held herself to me as we danced made me feel like I was on fire. In a good way of course. I felt it in my toes and at the tips of my fingers as I clutched her closer to me. And _that_ kiss! I wasn't wholly prepared for that. I wanted it, but I didn't expect her to make the first move.

I was glad she did. She seemed so nervous and unsure as she studied my reaction. I wanted nothing more than to claim her mouth again. When I did she let me explore her so freely. I had to hold back as I realized this was probably her first kiss. But who could blame me for wanted to embrace a girl like that.

When she told me it was her first kiss I couldn't believe my luck. That she had chosen me to share that experience. Whether she was inebriated from the alcohol or not…no she was in complete control. I could feel her confidence as she wrapped herself around me. She tasted completely like I thought she would. She was sweet and then that sadness crept back again. It was so frustrating that she couldn't see that this was fucked up. All of it. I hated her parents for putting her through this. I hated Robert even more. The thought of a man she never knew, having her for his own made my blood boil.

These thoughts of Violet didn't help me calm down at all or feel any better about the situation I put us in. I turned on my side willing myself to sleep, to forget about everything for the time being. No such luck. I would see her again, I had to. I realized I felt more for Violet than I thought I would. Maybe I always did, and the thought of not seeing her again made me realize how much she meant to me.

Was it love? I thought I loved a girl once. But I was six and she broke my heart. I gave her a flower and she dumped me as soon as a new boy came into town. Yes it was probably childish for me to remember such an insignificant moment in my young, naive life, but it must have marked my love life for the rest of my life. Every girl after that pretty much treated me the same. That's why I became the 'ladies man' as they dubbed me. Always going through girls, making sure no fling lasted too long. I was a heart breaker.

Is that what I wanted from Violet? I realized at first it was, but when she got me to open up to her, I realized she was different. I wanted to know everything about her and her everything about me. I needed to know what this was and if she felt the same for me. I couldn't let this go if it was really something. Damn the fact that she was engaged, she hasn't even met the bloke. But what could I offer her? _Nothing_.

I sat up frustrated. Violet was right about one thing, life really wasn't fair. Not with the way things were. Why couldn't a first class girl be happy with someone below her station? Too much importance was put on frivolous stuff, rather than the things that really mattered. Like love. _There's that word again_.

I ran my fingers through my hair as the frustration was making it near impossible to relax. The light that came through the door that burst open didn't help either. Hamish drunkenly walked into the cabin, smiling like everything was right in the world. I wished I had gotten drunk enough to forget some things.

"Where's the lass?" He slurred as he tried to get on the top bunk above me, using my mattress as leverage.

"She went back." I said flatly.

"Aye, I told you she'd dump ya once she got what she wanted."

I stood abruptly as I forced him down to face me. "It wasn't like that! She's not like that!" I sneered.

"Eh laddie it's alright, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to get you riled up. What happened?" He sat on my bed next to me. He seemed sobered up at my temper. I laid my head in my hands.

"I fucked up."

"Aye most men do. But what specifically did you do?"

"I threw something back in her face, I knew it wasn't true but I accused her of it anyway." I remembered the look on her face, the hurt I had caused. The trust I had broken. It didn't help the way I was feeling as I remembered seeing that first tear escape her. I groaned.

"So just take it back, say you're sorry."

"I don' think she'd like to see me again."

"I highly doubt that. I saw the way she was looking at you tonight and you at her." I was surprised that Hamish noticed. "The worst she could do is tell you to leave her be."

I looked at Hamish incredulously, "That _IS_ the worst thin' she could tell me. I don' know if I could take that. Not after everything."

"Then tell her that. She probably has a lot on her mind already. With you being honest and completely forward it could free up her thoughts to tell you how she feels too."

"How the hell do you know so much about women?"

"I've had my fair share of the opposite sex. They're very diverse and complicated, but when it comes to matters like this, honesty is the best policy." Hamish looked sheepish as he confessed this to me.

"Did it ever work for ya?"

"Uh, no. Mostly it was my fault anyways and I wasn't very good with keeping one woman at a time." He looked embarrassed like he really wasn't proud of that fact. "But with your Violet I know that's not the case. She'll understand and hear you out."

I smiled at the hope I had that she would give me another chance, not that I deserved it, but I would take it from her if it was offered.

"I hope so, I've got to see her."

"I hope you do too, you're giving lads like me hope that I have a chance with the fairer sex. So please, for me, don't fuck it up again." He laughed as he nudged my arm. He made his way on the top bunk getting ready for sleep.

"Thanks Hamish."

"Anytime. But not now, I need to sleep or I'll be a grumpy bastard tomorrow."

"Aye, I know I've met 'im."

I don't think he heard me, because I heard him snoring soon after he settled in. I lay back down, this time I fell asleep quickly. I dreamt of Violet. She always had her back to me. Every time I tried to get her to turn to me she got further away from me.

When I woke the next morning I rose quickly, determined to find her before another second went by. I left trying not to disturb the lads sleeping. I wouldn't come back until I found Violet and told her exactly how I felt about her. I knew I was risking a lot, but it would be worth it if she could at least hear me out. I was hopeful at the thought that she would return her feelings. I had the luck of the Irish on my side anyways. Hopefully it wouldn't let me down this time.

A/N: Sorry for the delay, I just got over the flu. It's another short one, but from Tommy's perspective again. Whatever will happen? The next couple of chapters will be quite angsty, and then happy, and then downright not pleasant. We all know how this story ends. Please read and review. And as always thank you! Big thanks to Cloudcity'sBookworm, caleb's babe, ghostgirl19, Xaad, C.M. Singer, shalmarrose, SPEEDIE22, Cecelia Dowdy, and all the anonymous readers for the awesome reviews.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

April 12th 1912

I felt utterly foolish. How could I let myself get so emotional over a man I only met a few days ago? It wasn't like I would ever see him after the ship docked. He would go on his merry way and I would go on mine to marry a man I'd never met. Even as I reasoned with myself all the reasons that I was being dramatic, I still couldn't quell the aching feeling in my chest. It was like something was there and was now gone, leaving a gaping hole. It hurt and it seemed like my excessive tears weren't doing anything to help the feeling.

We had shared so much in such a short amount of time. We knew too much of each other just to part ways like none of it mattered.

I told myself to breath as I climbed the stairs to my level. _If I just get to my cabin I can sleep on this whole thing and when I wake up, it will be as if nothing had happened. _I repeatedly told myself this as I willed it to work.

When I entered my cabin, no one was waiting up for me. I could silently go to my room unnoticed. No trace of me being anywhere I wasn't supposed to be. I wouldn't let them see my tears or give away my hurt emotions.

Taking off my dress that still smelled of sweat and tobacco I laid it on the floor in a heap. Crawling into bed, I hoped that sleep would take hold of me quickly. It did. But my dreams gave away nothing that would reassure me that Tommy Ryan could ever be forgotten.

April 13th, 1912

He was the first thing on my mind as I woke the next morning. Would he ever realize how I felt about him? How he made me feel? It was evident in our kiss that he must have felt something for me. _Or not_. He never did come out and say how he felt about me. Neither did I for that matter. Was that my first mistake? Even if I did tell him, it's not like we could have done anything about it.

The constant battle that was raging in my head kept me frustrated. I had to get moving to keep him off my mind. No matter what I tried to do or tried to think of he always found a way in there. I felt the lingering feeling of his kiss on my lips, the way he held me as we danced, and the way he made me feel when I was around him.

Was that it? Was that the last time I would see him? Confused with these nagging thoughts I made my way out of my room to see Joe.

When I opened his door I saw him sitting up. He was waiting for me.

"Violet! You're finally back. How was the party? Was it fun?" He sprang from his bed excitedly.

"Joe back in bed, you'll wake mother and father. How are you feeling?"

"So much better, mother said I could go out today. Can we see Tommy?"

I thought of how I parted with Tommy. How could I tell Joe that he would never see Tommy again? The thought killed me inside. I thought I would burst into tears, but not in front of Joe. I was tired of crying.

"Tommy said he hoped you were feeling better. He'd like to see you all better. But he's very busy. I told him goodbye for you." I lied.

"Goodbye?"

"Joe, we will arrive in America soon. After that you won't see him anymore."

"Oh." Joe looked like how I felt. Until this moment I didn't realize that I loved Tommy Ryan. Knowing that I will never see him again made me want to not waste another moment on this ship without him. But that was impossible. I should have told him I loved him. It seems absurd that I should love someone after only knowing them a few days. But he already knows more about me than anyone alive. And I feel I know him too. Could he have loved me back?

When he kissed me I forgot about everything. It was just he and I in that moment. Did he feel it too? He must have, the way he was kissing me. He was gentle but I could feel the wanting too. It scared me but excited me at the same time. I didn't think that hands could touch like that. I remember the heat from his roaming hands through my dress.

I shook the thought away, feeling flustered. Would it ever be like that with Robert, my soon to be husband?

I realized I loved him from the beginning, like we were destined to be on this ship together. Can I leave this ship, knowing that I will leave the person that I love behind forever? Could I marry Robert then? Now I had no chance of ever trying to love Robert. There will always be one for me and that's Tommy.

I got Joe ready so we could leave undetected by our parents. I thought if we got up early enough we would miss our parents. I wasn't ready or able to face them today. I would just end up blaming them for how my life had been so far. I was dressed and ready but as melancholy as ever. I knew this was not going to be a good day for me. But I tried to keep my spirits high at the prospect of being with Joe all day. Joe couldn't contain his excitement as he pulled me behind him to the deck. It was chillier than it had been, I was glad I put on mine and Joe's jackets. After a quick stroll around in the fresh air we made our way around the ship a few times. By this time it was midday.

I had woken up with a slight headache, but the crisp air seemed to do the trick. I found myself wondering what Tommy was feeling and thinking. Again, I got nowhere except more unanswered questions. I really had to stop thinking about him. The sooner the better.

We sat at an open bench for only minutes when I spotted Hamish walking by slowly, with both hands rubbing the side of his head. He looked like he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

"Hamish?" I tried not to yell to him too loud, but he heard me.

He sauntered over and he looked a bit green to me.

I couldn't help but laugh, "Did you overdo it last night?"

"Ayyyye, I haven't drank like that since me younger days. Never again I tell ya, never again."

I looked around to see if Tommy was up on deck too. Hamish knew who I was looking for and quickly informed me, "He's not up yet. He wasn't in the cabin till late last night."

"Is he alright?"

"In a way. I don't know what happened last night, so don't be offended when I ask if everything's alright?"

I just nodded my head, "Everything's fine."

"Look, please don't think I'm in the wrong by saying this, whatever happened between you two, can't you both forget about it? You both seem miserable. He was in a bad way last night. There's only one reason a man gets low like that. He really does care for you Violet."

"It's just the way of things Hamish. It's better this way, for both of us."

"You sure about that?"

My silence was enough of an answer for him. He nodded his head knowingly.

"And who's this?" Hamish looked at Joe who was hiding behind my jacket.

"This is my brother Joe. Joe, this is Hamish, Tommy's friend."

Joe perked up at hearing Tommy's name and he extended his hand to the tall Scott.

"Nice to meet you. Where's Tommy?"

Hamish laughed as he crouched lower to Joe's height, "Aye, I see who ye favor. He'll be up soon laddie, don't worry."

Hamish walked off tipping his hat to me, "It was good to see you Violet. I wish you all the luck in the world. Both of you."

"Thank you. You as well."

I kept glancing around the dock, expecting him to show up at any moment. People came in and out for the next hour, but there was no sign of him. I was starting to become anxious that we would be forced to meet again. I pulled Joe up from the bench.

"How about we visit the library? We haven't seen that yet." I was confident that Tommy wouldn't be there, as it was designated to first and second class only.

"I'm a little cold. And my chest still hurts. Do you think I could go back to bed?"

"Of course, let's get you better for America, eh?"

I wrapped him up in my arms and took him to our cabin. Before I opened the door Joe said sweetly to me, "Don't worry, I still won't tell anyone about Tommy."

"Thank you." I gave him a kiss on the head beneath his cap. When I opened the door my father's voice startled me.

"There you two are. Where have you been off to?"

"We just went for an early stroll, but Joe said he still didn't feel good so I'm putting him to bed."

As I turned to take Joe away my father said, "Good, good, Violet when you are finished can I speak with you a moment?"

"Yes papa, I'll be right out."

After putting Joe to bed and cleaning myself up I ventured out to the sitting room with my father and mother. I sat down with them waiting for either of them to talk.

My father said with a rare smile on his face, "Violet, your mother and I are very pleased with how your behavior has improved. Whatever it is that is responsible, is doing you a world of good. I hope that you keep up with whatever it is."

If only he knew why I was being so pleasant and actually…happy, for once in my life. But that was no more. I was back to being my old self, only worse. My heart was broken with no promise of it ever being repaired.

"I think the sea air is doing the trick. If I could just keep to my walks I would be grateful."

I wasn't thinking of throwing myself over again, but I couldn't be kept in this small cabin with them, not for long. For the first time I couldn't wait to get to America. I needed to break free. This ship suddenly felt very small to me, with not enough space between me and…him. I couldn't even think his name much less speak it.

"Of course Violet, maybe I'll even join you." My mother sounded hopeful, but I couldn't bear a walk with her, not with how I was truly feeling.

"I have so much on my mind with the wedding and all, I'd much rather go on my own, to think."I smiled.

"Whatever you wish dear." They both nodded in approval. I excused myself to my room to sleep for a little while before dinner. I wanted to forget everything that happened today, I hoped that sleep would occupy my thoughts enough for me to forget for awhile, but it was no use. I dreamt of him. It was mostly pleasant things, but when I woke to find they weren't real, I cried into my pillow.

I was actually looking forward to dinner tonight. I could get my mind off everything. It was another uneventful gathering, and I was thankfully ignored throughout most of it. Until the third course, someone actually acknowledged me and asked me a question. I looked up startled.

It was one of the ladies mama and I had had tea with yesterday. What was her name?...oh fuck it. I could never remember. My obscene language within my thoughts only reminded me of Tommy. I really will never stop thinking of him. It was impossible.

"Yes ma'am?"

The whole table erupted in laughter at my expense. I didn't try to look pleased. My parents laughed out of embarrassment, but eyed me with a warning.

"Violet, I was only asking who that man was that I saw you talking to out on deck?"

Oh. My. God. That's it, I'm dead. How can I explain this away? I looked at my parents who looked to be fuming under their fineries.

"He was just, uh asking for help. He was looking for his way back to third deck." I smiled, but I was stricken with fear on the inside.

"That's third class for you, always breaking the rules. I wonder why I even allowed their lot to come aboard." It was Mr. Ismay who said this. I hated the man. He was the worst of us all. I glared at him for his statement.

"You seemed to be talking to him for awhile. What else did he talk to you about?" She asked again, seemingly not pleased with my previous answer.

"We talked about the weather."

This warranted another fit of laughter.

"Oh I just thought you knew him. I heard gossip from some other ladies that had seen you around with a third class man. And if I'm not mistaken, I heard from a reliable source that you were in third class last night."

There it was. It was all out on the table, literally. Now I had everyone's undivided attention on me, waiting for an answer.

"That's all it is, is gossip. I can assure you." I said not very convincingly. She looked at me like she knew I was lying.

The rest of dinner was spent avoiding the curious looks from everyone at the table. I could feel my parent's anger towards me. I knew that they knew what I was up to all this time. They knew I had been lying, when they thought I was being compliant.

I, for once, dreaded when dinner came to an end. Walking back to the cabin with my parents was like walking to the gallows. At least that's how it felt to me.

When they closed the doors behind us I didn't feel at all prepared for what could happen. What's the worst they could do? Make me marry Robert earlier than I wanted. I wish that was the case so I could get it done and over with.

My father spoke first, "Would you care to explain what that was all about? Was any of that true?"

I didn't speak, I couldn't answer. If I told the truth it would all be out in the open. And if I lied they would know anyways. My silence angered both of them more than I thought.

"You will tell me or so help me…"

"Or what? What will you do that you have not already done? You've ruined any chance I've ever had at happiness." I was yelling now, unable to stop my words.

The quick blow across my face was the only thing that could have stopped my torrent of words. I felt at a loss for words. The pain on my cheek silenced me.

"What were you doing with that third class man?"

"Nothing." I rubbed my cheek where it stung.

"I don't believe you. Give me one reason why I shouldn't believe that you and this man have had inappropriate interactions."

"Because I love him."

It was mother who spoke now, "What?" she asked unbelieving.

"I love him." Even with all that I was feeling and what I had gone through in the last couple of days, saying out loud felt more real than anything. My parents looked at me in shock.

"How can this…Violet, we've only been on this ship for a few days. How can you possibly believe you love that man that the countess saw you with?"

"That wasn't him, that was his friend. I'm in love with another man. I love him because he has shown me more compassion in a few days then I have felt all my life. He knows who I am. But he wants nothing to do with me, so you don't have to worry."

"Like hell I don't, I don't believe you. You will stay in this room until we dock and that's final."

"No, I won't." I made my way to the door to make my escape. My mother's voice stopped me, _was she crying? _

"Violet, please don't leave this way." She _was_ crying.

"The least you both can do is to give me this little bit of freedom." I was begging for them to see what I was going through. Couldn't they see how miserable I was?

"We will not have you seeing that man any longer. What if word about this gets out? Then we will be ruined for sure."

"I told you, you don't have to worry about him, he doesn't feel the same for me."

I couldn't look at her as the pain of that statement sunk in, so I bolted from the room down the hall. I bumped into a few people, but I didn't care. I heard my father's voice echo down the hall after me, but I kept running. This time around I knew where I was going, it was the only place I could feel safe on this ship. I knew it was where I had attempted to take my own life. But it somehow felt safer for me than anywhere else, because it also reminded me of him. I knew as long as I was on this ship I couldn't forget him. So I didn't fight it.

The sun was just setting as I came to the open dock. The view was breathtaking. Hues of yellow, orange and pink highlighted the sky in a way that I've never seen before. It seemed to get colder the closer we got to America, so there weren't very many people walking about. Thankfully, I could use the time to myself.

I didn't even care that I didn't have my jacket. I was starting to get used to the cold. I enjoyed the solitude as I strode to the back of the ship. I didn't feel any different telling my parents about Tommy. I always knew I loved him, so that's all that mattered to me.

I was surprised when I came to the stern of the ship, I saw him sitting there. I couldn't see his face but there was no mistaking it was him.

I walked closer to him, not really sure if my mind was playing tricks on me. When he heard me he turned to face me. The only thing I could think of to say was, "Hello."

A/N: So this one was kind of a downer to write. I rewrote it a few times and I'm still not sure if I'm happy with it. Please read and review and tell me what you think. I'm counting on the next one being a bit happier, but we'll see where my mood takes me. I'm going to try and write it today, so you might get another chapter real soon. Yay!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

April 13th, 1912

Okay so maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. I wanted to see him, so my imagination conjured him up for me. He was sitting there on the bench, with his back to me, he seemed not himself. I never would imagine him as melancholy. That's how I knew he was real. As I walked closer to him, I didn't know what I would say. I only parted with him last night, but I felt as if I hadn't seen him in years.

I know he heard my footsteps because he turned around abruptly. I don't think he expected to see me because he fumbled with his cigarette as he rose from the bench. I don't know how long we stared at each other, waiting to see who would speak first, I was just glad to be here with him. Even if he didn't feel the same, I could take this one last chance to say goodbye, the right way.

"Hello." My greeting broke the silence between us, but it hung in the air weighing on the tension. The beating of my heart pounded in my ears.

"You're 'ere?" He said finally. He looked at me like he never expected to see me again. If only he had known that was my fear.

"I am." I waited. I didn't want to go any further. I stopped a few paces away from him, wringing my gloved hands together. I waited further, waited for him to say or do anything. So when he started to walk towards me I was taken by surprise. The time it took him to get to me, I could swear it took an eternity. But there he was, in front of me, grabbing my shaking hands into his.

But he wouldn't look at me, "Violet, I thought I'd ne'er see ye again. I'm sorry about everythin' I said, it was wrong. I know yer nothin' like them. I was bein' an arse. I wish I could take it back, but…"

It flattered me that he was rambling. I stopped listening only because I realized I never needed his apology. The fact alone that he was here with me was enough. The beating in my chest subsided enough for me to feel unconditionally happy in this moment. I watched his lips move, _he was still talking._

I could watch him like this forever, but reluctantly I stopped his torrent of wards with the palm of my hand. He looked at me surprised. Even more shocked when he saw that I was smiling. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Tommy, you don't need to apologize, not to me. You are the last person that needs my forgiveness. I…I missed you." I was trying to be bold. I needed him to know how I felt about him, that I loved him.

"Ye did?" He tightened his grip on my hands.

"Yes. I realized something after we parted, and I feared I'd never see you again to tell you." I hesitated telling him this next part, but he could see I was battling within myself, so he kept still, waiting patiently. "My parents know about you. They know where I've been with you. We had a confrontation, a bad one. But I told them that…I love you." Now I was the one who couldn't look at him. Of all the times in my life I have been frightened, it didn't even compare to this moment. Now that it was out in the open and he knew how I felt, could I take the rejection?

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I heard him breath out a sigh of relief. I decided to look at him. When I saw that his face was glowing with the widest smile I couldn't help but do the same.

"Fuckin' hell Violet, ye sure know how ta keep a man on his toes!" He just about burst with laughter at the look on my face.

"I'm…I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" He interrupted me by placing his hand on my cheek.

"Ye don' have ta apologize for that neither. Ye never need to apologize ta me. I love ye Violet." He rested his head on mine. I savored in the moment, it was just me and him. No one else. At the revelation that we both loved each other, I felt lighter than air. Like I had been carrying weights my whole life, and now I was free of them. I felt like taking flight and soaring.

"What do we do now?" I asked because I really hadn't planned for this_. But who does? _Where do we go from here?

"How 'bout we finish our dance?" He held his arms out bringing us to an open space on the deck. As he started to place us in a dancing position, I knew I never wanted to leave him. In that moment I knew I would be with Tommy Ryan.

I laughed in spite of myself, "But there's no music." I protested.

"We don' need it now, do we?" He almost whispered it to me as he slowly danced with me on the deck of Titanic. No music, just the sea air and endless possibilities. Just as the sun was setting did I realize how late it was. But I couldn't care less, I never wanted to go back to that world. I would never leave Joe, I knew that, but I could never be the same person I was.

The good thing about dancing without music is that you don't know when to stop. He swayed me side to side in a waltz, keeping me close to him. I don't know how long we embraced like that until it dawned on me how much of a good dancer he was.

"Tommy?" I asked softly, not wanting to disturb the quite air around us.

"Hmm?"He hummed not letting our heads break contact, he didn't even open his eyes.

"Where did you learn to dance?" I asked curiously, but full of adoration for his dancing technique.

He looked at me then, with a knowing smile on his face. "When I was just a boy, me ma worked fer some wealthy land owners. She would take me with 'er while she worked. She let me help 'er in the kitchens. Almost e'ery night they had a grand party. Ma used to let me peek through the door an' watch the ladies an' gents dancin'. It's the one thin' I admired, the dancin', anyone can dance."

"Not as proper as you." I teased.

He smirked, "I always dreamt o' the day I could dance wit' a girl like yerself."

"So, you do like the finer things? I'm surprised. Tommy Ryan approves of the first class accommodations." He knew I was joking because I could see the embarrassment in his eyes. That, and the blush in his cheeks.

"Alright, I'll admit that there are some things to be admired. I can dream can't I?"

"I've lived through life on dreams. So, yes, you can dream all you like."

"I won' hafta with you anymore." The seriousness with which he said this scared me. But I also leapt at the joy of such a proclamation. He tightened his hold on me as he leaned in to kiss me. It wasn't like our first kiss, he was gentler and sweet. The feather like touch on my lips made my heart sputter. We stopped dancing, sorely focusing on each other and deepening the kiss. He grabbed at my waist pulling me closer to him so there was no space between us. As I wrapped my arms around his neck, grazing my fingers through his scalp, I could feel the kiss get more frantic. When we both stopped to catch our breath I could see he was content. I, on the other hand, was still trying to come down to earth.

The sun had finally disappeared behind the horizon, leaving us in darkness.

"Do ye want to go back?" He asked hesitantly, not wanting to part.

"I don't want to go back."

"Ye can stay with me." He must have heard me gasp, because he quickly tired to explain himself. "No, I meant that ye can stay in third class. I'm sure yer girlfriends would let ye bunk with them."

"I couldn't ask them to do that."

"_I_ can and _I_ will. But first, are ye sure ye don't want ta mend with yer parents. What about Joe?"

I was grateful that he was concerned about me and my family. "I will, eventually, before we arrive in America. And I will let Joe know where I am."

"It's settled then. Yer stayin' with me. I won't let ye out of my sight fer another minute." He pulled me along with him. Both of us felt giddy and too happy to contain. I knew it would be hard from here on out. How could I explain to my parents that I was not getting off with them when we docked? It didn't matter. I was with the man I loved and we would be together. Why was it then, I had this awful feeling of guilt and that it wasn't going to work out like I wanted?

A/N: There you go, another short one, but I wanted to keep this one simple. The next couple chapters will be full of cuteness. They will probably be the last ones before the inevitable disaster): Please read and review!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

April 13th, 1912

I couldn't quite will myself to leave the common room to find Violet. God knows I wanted to see her. But what could come of this? If we chose to be together, then what? I had nothing to offer her. I wasn't thinking straight letting my feelings for her get in the way of logic.

All the lads could talk about was the party last night. She was already on my mind and I didn't need reminding that I'd probably never see her again. My talk with Hamish last night gave me hope about the situation, but when he told me he had seen her on deck with her brother, it didn't give me much encouragement that she wanted anything to do with me.

"Eh Tommy, what are you doing down here? I thought you were off to see Violet?" Hamish had just walked into the common room. I was surprised how early he was up, seeing how drunk he was last night.

"I'm jus' contemplatin' some things." I said weakly.

"I just saw Violet and I met her little brother Joe. He's a good lad, asked about you he did…" I interrupted Hamish, no longer patient enough to sit through this discussion without asking about Violet.

"Wha' did she say?" I asked impatiently as Hamish told me of his meeting with Violet and her brother.

"She inquired about the party and how I was feel…"

"Did she mention anythin' about me?"

"Aye, she might have mentioned something. Something about that she couldn't change anything and it was probably for the best." He shrugged like it was no big deal.

"But how did she say it? Was there anythin' about 'er that made ye think she'd see me?"I was getting pissed off that Hamish might be holding back on me.

"Look, all I know is what she told me. I think you should leave her be." He said it as finality, but I wasn't having it.

"Leave 'er be?! How can I leave 'er be when she's all I think about? I'd do anyhtin' ta make it right. Ta have 'er with me, but I can't if…if she wants nothin' ta do with me." I felt defeated. Could this really be it? I finally find a girl I could care for and I throw her away like it meant nothing, like she meant nothing. Would it have been easier if she was a girl of my status? I tried to tell myself it wouldn't matter, but deep down I knew it wouldn't be this hard in different circumstances.

"That wasn't so hard was it?" Hamish said to me like it was all a joke.

"Excuse me?" I sneered, not finding anything about this funny.

"When I saw your girl up there she looked devastated, like her whole life was crumbling down around her. I don't want her wasting her time on a bloke that only wanted one thing from her. But now I see you deserve to know." Hamish smiled, but all I wanted to do was wipe that stupid grin off his face. He needed a good beating and I would gladly give it to him.

"What did ya tell 'er?" I tried to keep calm, but I could feel my cheeks getting hot and my jaw tighten as I looked at Hamish.

"Nothing. I told her to have a good day and she wished me well."

Hamish had no idea the fury he was igniting in me. How could he say nothing to her after all I told him last night? Before he could react I swung my arm around and gave him a well deserved punch in the jaw.

"Ye blimey bastard! Were ye ever gonna tell me?!" I was on top of him, shaking him by the collar of his jacket. When he only laughed it made me angrier. I let him go, pacing around him. Bernardo and Lorenzo held me back trying to keep me from pummeling Hamish again.

"You needed to get it out before you made any decisions. Now that you know how you feel about her, what are you going to do about it?" He was wiping his bloody nose with the sleeve of his jacket as he stood up to face me.

"Nothing." I said it more to myself, but Hamish's surprised reaction told me he heard me loud and clear.

"What? After all that, you're not going to do anything? What a waste." He seemed agitated now too. We paced around each other, equally frustrated at the situation.

"If I tell 'er about me feelings and she feels the same, then wha' do we do? She gets off with me, we get married, have a shit ton of kids I wouldn't be able to support, wha' do I do about that? I couldn't do that to 'er. It's better this way."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"It's none of your business, Hamish."

"You know I'm right and that's what scares you. I'm wasting my breath trying to persuade you to do what's right by the both of you. What if that's what she wants?"

"It's not. Why would any woman choose that life?"

"You daft prick! Quit making assumptions about what she wants. You haven't spoken to her about it yet, so you don't know for sure, do you?"

"I'm not going to see her again, I'll make sure of it. We'll both part ways once Titanic docks an' she can have 'er happy life, without me holding 'er down."

"I'm wasting my time. You're hopeless. If I was in your shoes and I had the same opportunity for happiness, I wouldn't be an arse and throw it away." Hamish stormed off leaving me to contemplate my decision.

I sat down, trying to convince myself that this was the right thing to do. It was true that I didn't know what Violet wanted. But I knew what she didn't want also. Could she really be happy with me when all I could offer her was myself? I knew I loved her and I wanted nothing more than to have her leave with me. But I couldn't get over the sickening feeling that she would regret choosing me. I knew I'd do anything in my power to make things right for her. I would make her happy. She had already made me the happiest man in the world, but now that I lost her I felt empty, like there wasn't a point to trying for anything.

Was it in fate's plan for me to get my heart broken aboard this ship? Is this how I was to start my life in America, with empty pockets and a broken heart? I realized I couldn't leave things the way they were. I owed it to her to explain why we could never be. She deserved to know that I cared for her, more than I've cared for anyone in my lifetime. It would be hard but I had to do it.

"You not going to see her?" Bernardo asked me.

"Aye, I am, but ta end it. It'll be better this way."

"For who?"

"For both of us."

"What if it not what she want?" Lorenzo added.

"Well, I'll jus' hafta find out, wont I?" I left with the intention of finding Violet. I wouldn't come back until I found her. And if she rejected me, than I had nothing to worry about. _Keep telling yourself that Tommy._

I snuck my way out on first deck. I knew I had a better chance of finding her out here. But then again, with everything that has happened, I couldn't be sure anymore. I roamed around making sure I wasn't spotted by anyone. I wasn't going to get anywhere if I just kept scoping out the same places, I had to go into her territory. If that meant me getting into a little trouble, then so be it.

I opened a door, not really sure where it would take me, I stepped inside and was met by the grandest staircase I had ever seen. Not like I had much experience with grand, fine things. But I had my fair share of sightings. I whistled in spite of myself. _This is what Violet was used to. This is her life_. Even as that thought reminded me of what I couldn't give her, I couldn't help but feel that this was never really where she belonged. When I thought of her, I saw her in her fine dress, but laughing with such joy. You couldn't laugh in here. I thought of her with her hair disheveled and falling out of her pins as she danced. The way she teased me just to get a reaction from me. And it always worked.

I walked around still mesmerized by the thought of her. I forgot I was in forbidden territory until a shout echoed through the room.

"What are you doing in here? You're not supposed to be in here!"

I turned, seeing two uniformed men coming towards me. Before I could think of an excuse, I was grabbed forcefully on both sides as they ushered me out of the room.

"My mistake boyos, I jus' got lost is all." I tried to get them to unhand me, but they made sure I was going back to my deck.

"Can't you read? You're not allowed up here. Go back where you belong." They shoved me through the railing onto the third class deck.

"I'll have ye know I'll report this to the White Star Line, ye slimey gits." I was feeling gutsy and it didn't help that I didn't like people putting their hands on me. I strode away putting on heirs, and making a scene of it.

"You do that." They laughed at me and strode away, confidant that they got rid of me.

They obviously knew nothing about me. As soon as I saw them round the corner, I crossed the rail again, this time going in the opposite direction. Feeling adrenaline at being caught and making sure it didn't happen again, I felt more determined and confidant that I would find Violet.

I must have walked the deck, unseen, for a couple more hours. Each second that went by felt like it as no use. I knew I'd never see Violet again, at least not with me seeking her out the way I was. The sun was just setting so I decided to make the best of this horrible day and try and enjoy the scenery, if I could. I doubted anything could get my mind off her.

I made the atrocious mistake of going to the back of the boat._ Of all the fuckin' places, why would ye go here Tommy?_

I sat on a bench and lit a cigarette. Even that reminded me of her, when she asked if she could try it. She was so ballsy that night that I knew I loved her in that moment. I realized I probably loved her from the start. _Sentimental bastard._

I might as well get used to the fact that these memories would be all I would have of her. Sitting out on the deck, watching the sun go down, I felt like I was lucky to even have known her for the short amount of time I did.

Sitting out on the deck, trying not to think anymore on her, I thought about my life in America. I already had a job waiting for me, and I would see my brother again. It's been years since I last saw him. When he left, my mother had wept for days. She was proud of him, she knew her boys would leave someday, but it didn't make it any easier. I would have left with him but I was too young, and I couldn't leave her alone. When she got sick I was the only one that could take care of her.

_Sitting by the fire, trying to get warmth back into my limbs, I could hear my mother coughing from her bedroom. She was getting worse. The doctor said a few day s in bed with lots of rest would do the trick, but I saw no improvement. And I think she knew it too. The tea was almost ready as I stared into the dancing flames, thinking about my brother. I wish he was here, if not for me than for ma._

_I had written to him weeks ago, but no reply came. A part of me wishes I had gone with my brother, so I didn't have to deal with this. It was selfish, I know that now, but the feeling of being left behind brought back memories of my father._

"_Thomas." My mother's croaked voice summoned me to her side._

_I left the fire reluctantly to go to my mother. She was sitting up in bed trying to ease the pain in her chest._

"_Ma, ye gotta lie down. The doctor says ye'll never get well if ye keep movin'."_

"_Ye know 'es full o' shite. I can't let ye handle things on yer own." She was determined to get up but I wouldn't let her. I pulled her back to put her back in bed, she resisted me anyways._

"_I can and I have been. It's fine ma." _

"_No, ets not fair to ya. I shoulda let ye go with yer brother, instead of keepin ye here to help yer old ma."_

"_Who else would ye have to do the heavy lifting?" I teased her, raising an eyebrow at her._

"_Yer a little shite! I can do me own heavy liftin'." The exertion sent her into another coughing fit as she bent over holding her chest. I grabbed the glass of water that was sitting by her bedside table. It eased her as she lay back down. She eyed me, contemplating whether or not she should ask me something._

"_Ye haven't heard from yer brother I take it?"_

_I shook my head._

"_Ahh, probably jus' as well. He's a busy man tryin' to hold down a job. No time fer seein' his mother."_

_I didn't know what to say, so I kept silent._

"_Will ye promise me somethin' Thomas?"_

_I nodded._

"_When I'm gone, will ye go to America with yer brother? I'd hate ta think that ye were stuck in Ireland when ye coulda had a chance to make somethin' of yerself."_

"_Ye don't hafta worry about that anytime soon. I'll be here."_

"_But I won't be. We both know some bed rest isn't goin' ta make this go away."_

_I nodded again, I couldn't reply or look at her for fear that I would break down in front of her. I always tried to stay strong for her._

"_And promise me one more thing?"_

_This time I looked at her curiously._

"_Will ye find a nice girl and settle down? An' when I say a nice girl I don't mean one of them fussy, loose girls ye seem ta waste yer time with."_

"_Jaysus ma, I hardly think ye'd know about my love life. An' besides, I'm not the marryin' type."_

"_Ye say that now, but I know ye'll meet someone that will change that for ya." She smiled at me knowingly, which only made me smile in return. I shook my head, she was always making my business her own and telling me why I couldn't keep a girl around and that my choices were way off._

"_An' name one of yer kids after me, that's all I ask."_

"_Ugh, Christ almighty! Is that all?"_

"_Fer now. I just want ta die peacefully, knowing you'll be alright." She held her hand out to me and I took it. "Ever since yer father left, I had worried about ya. But now I don't, ye grew up fine."_

_I squeezed her hand. "Thanks to ye."_

"_Alright I will take the credit fer what a fine man ye turned out to be." We laughed together until I could see she was getting tired._

"_I'll leave ye to get some rest ma." I pulled the covers over her as she was already dosing._

_It was a week later that she passed. It was only me and a few people from town that attended her funeral. I made the choice, with her request in mind, that I would move to America to work with my brother. It took me over a year to save up for a one way ticket. I sold the house, some of our belongings, and took any job I could. I bought my ticket for the Titanic, deciding to splurge a little. I knew my mother would be proud of me, for making this choice. I already felt like I was doing good by her by taking this big step._

All that seemed so far away from now, like it never happened. I never imagined I'd find myself in this predicament with Violet. I knew my mother would have loved Violet, the thought angered me even more that I was such a jackass to her. If my mother was around to see me act like this, she would have pulled me by my ear and told me what an arse I was being. Hamish was right, I let go of any chance of happiness that anyone else would kill for.

When I heard someone walking on deck, I knew I should probably get back. I needed to stop with my brooding. I wasn't prepared for who was standing behind me. I faltered just the slightest. _Jaysus, what was in these cigarettes? _I convinced myself I was seeing things. It wasn't until she spoke that I knew she was the real thing. This was my Violet.

In this moment, with her standing in front of me, everything I had decided on this morning went flying off the side of the ship. I wasn't going to let her go now, not now that she was here with me.

When I grabbed her hands in mine I knew I was rambling and that I probably sounded like an idiot. I didn't care, just as long as she forgave me.

When she silenced me I thought the worst. But then she told me the most incredible thing. _She loved me._ She loved me? This was too good to be true. My heart threatened to beat out of my chest. I feared that if I moved she would vanish like a ghost. But she held fast onto my hands.

I declared that I loved her too. Was it really that easy? I made such a fuss about it. But after it was out in the open it seemed like the simplest thing in the world. We danced on the deck as the sun set and I knew in this moment I was completely content. The kiss we shared expressed more than words ever could. I would not let her out of my sight again. Whatever the future held for us, I would take it with open arms. The luck of the Irish hadn't failed me yet and I knew my ma was looking down on me.

A/N: I love foreboding endings. And just FYI, listening to the Titanic soundtrack while writing this chapter is the worst idea ever. It's really hard trying to write a romantic scene when you know it's not going to last. But alas, I pulled through with some sweets and coffee. One more lovey dovey chapter before shit hits the fan. Sorry for my choice of words, but I'm both excited and dreading the thought of writing the 'sinking' chapters. And also, the little flashback with Tommy and his mother was completely out of left field. My mind just went for it, and my hands followed. Please read and review, but no pressure.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

April 13th 1912

That night I had intended to stay in third class with Tommy. I told him I wanted to tell Joe where I was and that I would tell my parents of my intentions before we docked. _Maybe they could even meet Tommy_. The thought was terrifying. Tommy went as far as he could to third class deck so I could grab some of my belongings. On our way he told me what he went through to find me. But I could tell he exaggerated some of the details.

"They grabbed me an' threw me over the rail! An' I told them I'd report them to White Star Line." He looked smug but I couldn't help but laugh.

"You didn't?! Serves you right for being somewhere you shouldn't have been." I teased him as I went in for another kiss. He welcomed it openly as he pulled me to him, disregarding anyone who might see.

I broke from him to get my things. The thought of leaving him for only a few minutes gave me a knot in my stomach."I'll be right back."

"I'll be waiting." He smiled as he let me go. I couldn't get to my room fast enough. Ever since I reunited with Tommy I felt like every nerve in my body was a live wire. The excitement I was feeling that he loved me, made me feel elated with happiness.

I made sure not to make any noise signaling my entrance as I walked into my room. I grabbed only a few essentials that would get me by. The only important thing I left behind was my empty journal that held no more than ripped out pages. I would start a new book, to go with my new life.

I went to Joe's room, I didn't know how he would feel about my decision. Would he understand? I knew I wanted his blessing, his opinion was the only one that mattered to me. He liked Tommy, so I knew the odds were in my favor.

When I opened his door he was wide awake with a book in his lap. When he saw me I put my finger to my lips, silently asking him to keep quiet. He bounced up and down on the bed as I made my way towards him to hug him. He felt so good wrapped around me, I loved him so much. I knew whatever path I chose, we would be alright. We would have each other, and I would have Tommy. And Joe would have a brother, I couldn't wait to tell him.

"Violet where have you been? Did you find Tommy?" He whispered.

"Yes Joe, I did. I have to ask you something."

He looked at me expectantly. "How would you feel if I decided not to marry Robert…but marry Tommy instead?" We never talked about marriage, but I knew it would happen eventually. It made me giddy just thinking about it. This is how you should feel when you marry someone.

He brightened with a smile as he threw his arms around me. "Oh Violet, I could finally have a brother!"

"Oh, I see a sister isn't good enough for you." I teased him.

"It's just that I already know what it's like to have a sister. Now I can have a brother. Where is Tommy?"

"He's waiting for me outside. That's just it Joe, I've decided I'm leaving with Tommy."

"So, you're leaving me?" I could see the tears starting to form in his eyes.

"No, no Joe! I will never leave you. I'm leaving with Tommy when we arrive in America, but eventually we will live together somewhere as soon as we get settled."

"Did you tell mama and papa?"

"No, not yet. I'm going to tell them soon though, I promise. For the rest of the trip I will be staying with Tommy."

"Violet I don't want you to go."

His admission took me by surprise. I felt horribly guilty for leaving him for even a few days. Was I doing the right thing by staying with Tommy? I knew I should mend the rift between my parents and I, and the look on Joe's face told me I wasn't going about this the right way. There was no question I was leaving with Tommy. Nothing on heaven or earth would stop that. But I had to take care of a few things before I left with him. I didn't want my new life with Tommy to have any regrets along with it.

"If you don't want me to go, I will stay. But…you do like Tommy don't you? You'll be happy when we are married?"I had to know that he was happy for me, that _we_ would be happy no matter what.

"Oh yes I like him very much. I knew you shouldn't marry _that_ Robert."

"Oh, and why is that?" I was very curious to hear why Joe thought Robert wasn't right for me. I knew he knew more then we probably thought he could comprehend.

"Every time mama or papa talks about him, you get sad. I didn't like it when you're sad. But you're happy with Tommy. That's why I like him."

"I am happy with him. I will tell him that I will stay with you, but you'll be alright when I leave with him?"

"Yes, I will be with mama and papa. And soon we will be together again."

I hugged him closely, thankful for such an understanding brother. Without him I don't know what I would do. I kissed him on the head putting him to bed. I left the room again to find Tommy. I didn't want to think of what he would say when he found out I wasn't going to stay with him, but I had to reassure him that my mind wasn't swayed in the decision to leave with him.

When I walked out to the deck to him, I could see his smile fade when he saw that I didn't have any belongings with me.

"Yer, not comin' with me, are ya?"

"No, not tonight. I can't leave Joe. And I can't leave things the way they are. I need to make things right before we can start anything together. But I'm going to talk to my parents. And regardless of what they say. I'm leaving with you." I tried to sound assertive. I knew my mind couldn't be swayed this time.

His smile returned. He held his hand out to me pulling me to him.

"Well thank God fer that." He breathed in relief.

We held each other not yet ready to part ways. We both knew we would see each other tomorrow, but it didn't help the fact that we didn't want to spend another moment apart.

"Will ye see me tomorrow?" He asked hopefully.

"Of course. In the morning I will speak with my parents then I will come and find you."

"Do you want me to be there when you tell them? It seems the proper thing ta do." He seemed unsure, but I felt a little more courageous at the offer. But I knew it would be better if I did this on my own. This was my responsibility and my chance to finally stand up for myself. Afterwards, when were finally together, I could have him by my side.

"No, not this time. I would love for you to meet them, but not quite yet."

He nodded in understanding. "What did Joe say?" I could see in his eyes he was afraid that Joe would disapprove of him. _If he only knew._

"He's elated. He's very happy for the both of us. I'm not sure if he understands the situation, but he will someday." I smiled at the thought of my Joe.

"At least I've had 'is approval." He held his hand to my face as we gazed into each other. I knew we both felt at ease that things seemed to working in our favor. I only wished that this moment would last a little longer. I knew it would be hard from here on out, but I was sure at this time in my life that I was brave enough to face it. I pulled away to go back to my room. _The sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I can see Tommy tomorrow._

He met our lips together in an innocent kiss. For once I felt like it wasn't enough. I wanted more from him. The thought made me blush. I smiled breaking the kiss. He looked at me longingly. Was he felling the same thing?

"I better get back. I will see you tomorrow Tommy."

"Tomorrow can't come soon enough. I'll be right here love."

We left each other hesitantly. I stole one last glance at him before I went inside. I saw he did the same. We smiled at each other, knowing tomorrow we would see each other again. I went back to my room, readying myself for bed. As I slid into the cold sheets, I dreaded the discussion I would have with my parents. I knew they would not be alright with this. But it was going to happen, they couldn't stop me this time. I surprisingly fell asleep quickly. I fell into dreams with glimpses of the future, a future with Tommy.

April 14th, 1912

I woke the next morning with an odd feeling. After a night filled with dreams, the morning felt unreal. I had to convince myself that this was me, I was on the Titanic and everything that happened yesterday, _had_ actually happened. This was it. This was the day when my life would finally change. My parents would know of my intentions, and I would meet with Tommy. The thought of spending all day with him encouraged me to get up and get dressed.

I noticed that I had unknowingly chosen a simpler cut dress. I no longer felt the need to get myself all fancied up. I could be myself when I was with Tommy. There would be no more need for such frivolous things.

I left my room to first see that Joe was still tucked into bed. I was glad I spoke with him last night. My heart was settled that we would be alright. I discovered my parents seated in the main room, waiting for Joe and I to join them to breakfast. They paid me no notice as I sat down, trying to figure out if I should just blurt it out or break it to them gently. I went with the former.

"I'm not leaving with you." I stated plainly.

"What, to breakfast? Are you not feeling well?" My mother seemed concerned as she eyed me from across the room. My father also gave me his full attention as I disturbed the quite in the room. He put his pipe down, studying me.

"No. I'm not leaving with you when we dock. I'm not marrying Robert."

My father pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Violet, we have been through this enough times. I tire of your rebellion, please we will have no more of this."

"I'm sorry papa, but I have made my choice."

"Have you? Well I expect you know we will most likely end up on the streets thanks to you."

"I know you think that's the only way, but that's not how the less fortunate live. They work and fend for themselves and their families, and yet they still survive. And most of them are happier then we will ever be or have been. Don't you see that it doesn't have to be so black and white? We could make it if we tried. Tommy said-"

"I knew this was about him. This boy you claim to love. He will break you Violet. If not now, in the near future, you will regret this decision."

"No, you see, I was already broken, before I met him, he helped me realize it was in me all along. I know he loves me. And if you let him, you could learn to love him too." I was pleading with my father to understand how I was feeling. I needed him to understand just this once. All the while my father and I were going back and forth, my mother kept quite. I knew she wanted to say something, but for some reason chose not to. I needed her approval as much as my father.

"Mama, please understand that I do care what happens to us all. I know we can live happily together. I'm leaving with Tommy," My father scoffed at this, but I continued, "with or without you. But if we stay together I know it will be easier."

"No, Violet! You will not go through with this, I forbi-." My father was broken off mid sentence.

"Nathaniel please, enough. It's no use." My mother finally spoke. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear the voice that I once detested.

"We cannot let her make this decision for us!" He bellowed back.

"She's making this decision for herself. We can choose to go along or take our own path. She's a woman now, we can't control her as if she's ten years old again."

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Yes I do, it's time to let her go." My mother looked tired, defeated.

I was absolutely speechless. Was this a dream? Before I could pinch myself, my mother came close to embrace me. It felt foreign to me, but not unwanted. I reveled in the gesture, finally feeling like I was wanted from one of my parents. She let go of me to look at me.

"I know you don't feel that it's true, but I do love you Violet. We both do. We may not have been the best of parents, but you were always so independent and spirited. I didn't know what to do with you. I hope now I've made the right choice by not holding you back any longer."

"You have mama. He makes me happy, I do love him. And I know he will take care of me."

"I hope so. Maybe soon we can meet him." She started to lose her decorum as she faltered the slightest. Her eyes were becoming moist at the rims. She looked away, "You're your own person now Violet, you can do as you wish."

Her back was to me, but I knew that she meant it in the best way. I couldn't leave the room fast enough to get to Tommy. I knew he'd never believe me when I told him what happened.

I sprinted down to third class, not bothering to take the elevator. I felt too hyper to stand still. It took me no time at all to find the common room. It was the first place I knew he would be.

When I entered the room full of people, the abruptness by which I entered the room drew everyone's attention to me. All heads turned as I scanned the room for the only person that mattered. He stood up across the room making his way to me. He smiled at me as he saw the state I was in. I saw he didn't have his hat on, for once, and he looked dreamier then I remembered. I sprinted towards him through the benches, jumping into him. He held me off the ground as we embraced.

"They said I could leave with you!" I laughed as he held me away to look at me. The shock on his face was too funny for me at the moment.

"They wha'? Really?!" He held me again as he spun me around, laughing with me. We kissed each other in the middle of the room, in front of everyone. We were both too happy to care who saw us.

"So I guess it alright now." Bernardo shrugged as he looked at his brother in surprise.

They were both speechless as they watched the two lovers in front of them. Before Lorenzo could answer, Hamish spoke for him. "Aye, it's about damn time." They laughed in wonderment at what transpired in a matter of days. No one was more surprised than either Tommy or Violet, but happily so.

After they had both come down from the events that transpired in the early morning, Tommy and Violet settled next to each other in the common room. Tommy's arm hung around Violet's shoulders as Violet held his free hand in between her own. It was mid afternoon by the time most of the room was emptied and they were the only ones, save for a few passerby's, that passed through the room.

"So what shall we do today love?" Tommy inquired, while sneaking in a kiss on Violet's cheek.

"You know, I love your accent. Even when you curse it sounds lovely. But the endearments make me melt." I was a little embarrassed at confessing this to him. I couldn't even look at him as I said it.

Tommy was stricken with surprise at such a bold statement. He didn't know Violet would have ever felt that way. Not that he minded. But he had hoped that eventually it would come to that.

"Well I'll jus' have to curse more or make more endearments. I've got to keep me girl happy."

"You're already doing a good job of that."

"I'm glad. I plan on reminding ye every day how much I love ye."

"Just stay with me. That's all I ask."

"Always, love. Always."

They were quiet for a little while longer, until Violet decided to ask something that was on her mind all morning. "Tommy, I was wondering what you thought about marriage."

"I'll be honest, I never thought it was for me. Me ma always told me it would take someone special to change me mind. An' she was right." He watched as a smile spread over Violet's face, making her blush. She found it quite annoying that he could make her blush so easily, but not enough to fight it.

"I'm glad. And I'm glad for your mother too. I would have liked her."

"She would have loved ye too, like 'er own daughter." The mood between them turned a little drab, so Tommy decided to lighten the mood.

"So, in all seriousness, wha' would ye like to do today?"

"I'm fine right here."

"There's nothing ye want to do?"

Violet thought about it, and wondered what kind of a reaction she could get from Tommy. She snickered at the thought. "Well…there is…one thing." She made sure to give him a look that would tell him what she meant. She tried not to laugh as she watched his face turn red and his mouth hung open in what could only be shock.

"I, uh, think…we should, uh, well we could-" He stopped his stammering when he saw that Violet was trying not to laugh. _She was obviously just trying to get a reaction from me_, he thought, and was almost disappointed at the thought. "Ye got me Violet." He tried to laugh it off, but he couldn't get rid of the ache in his lower abdomen that she elicited from him. _I'll get 'er back for that one_.

Ignoring her own desire to get closer to him she said, "Let's go somewhere we haven't seen yet."

"Like where?"

"I don't know. What haven't you seen yet?"

"I've pretty much seen the whole of this ship. Except for some of first class, but tha's off-"

"Well let's go there. I can show you."

"Violet ye know I can't. Even if we snuck in, we'd get caught."

"Is Tommy Ryan afraid to get in a little trouble?" She asked mockingly.

"Now don' tease me. I've already been thrown outta first class because o' the likes o' you."

"Yes but this time you will be with me."

"I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Come on. I'll take you somewhere then you can take me some where I haven't been."

Tommy looked away trying to think of an excuse. _Oh, what the hell_. "Alrigh', lead the way."

Excitedly, Violet took him to the perfect place. One she knew Tommy would appreciate. They took the elevator this time, not wanting to waste any time. When Violet told the elevator operator where to take them, he eyed Tommy suspiciously. Tommy took no offense to it, but Violet was bothered by it. As they left the elevator, Violet made sure to 'accidently' step on his foot. He yelped out of surprise.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry." She lied.

"It's alright miss." The man winced.

When Tommy and Violet were down the hall they both erupted in laughter.

"Now, was tha' necessary?" Tommy asked still clutching his stomach.

"Absolutely, he was such a snob!"

Tommy grabbed Violet's hand kissing the top of it. It seared Violet's skin and she felt for sure she would be set on fire from the way he looked up at her as he did so. "Thanks love."

"Um, you're welcome." She said flustered. "Come on it's just down this way." He followed her hand in hand. He had no idea where she could be taking him.

She opened a set of doors that led to a darkened room. He looked around the spacious room that was filled with round table and chairs. The place mats were set with the finest silverware and white plates that had the White Star Line emblem in the center.

"The dining room?" _Why in the hell would she bring me here?_

"I thought I could show you how the first class dines. If you'll accept my invitation?" She smiled and made a small curtsy.

He remembered before they had their argument, he had said he wanted to join her in first class. He tried not to remember the repercussions of that discussion, but saw what she was trying to do. He nodded in understanding.

He held his elbow out for her to take. "Shall I escort ye to dinner Miss?"

"You may." She smiled, fully enjoying that he was playing along with her.

He led her to a table in the middle of the room, pulling out her chair for her as any gentleman would in the same situation.

She said, poised, "Thank you Sir."

"Yer quite welcome my lady." He bowed, exaggerating the movements. Violet laughed as he took the seat next to her. They stared at each other for a moment until she took her napkin and placed it on her lap, daintily.

He mirrored her, but instead of placing his on his lap he tucked it into the collar of his shirt. Violet shook her head trying not to laugh. "Here," she reached across to him, taking the napkin and placing his across his lap, "like this."

He nodded. He knew where to place his napkin, he just wanted her to fix it for him. He looked down at his place setting. "Wha' the hell do ye need all these for?"

Now Violet couldn't contain her laughter, "We have at least five courses to go through. Each one is for something different."

"Aye, seems a waste ta me. I've survived me whole life with just using one of these things." He held up what was supposed to be a fork, but was much too small. He squinted in confusion.

"I know, it's unnecessary. They like it this way I suppose. It's refined to them."

"Will ye miss it?"

"The place settings?"

"All of it."

Violet knew she wouldn't, she wondered how many times she would have to convince him that she would never look back. She knew she would remind him every day if she had to. "No." She said simply.

He leant across pulling her towards him until she was sideways in her seat. The way he latched onto her lips, made Violet shiver. She felt it everywhere. From the touch of his fingertips on her cheek to her toes, she felt electrified. Panting into the kiss, she grazed her hands through his hair, resting her hands around his neck. The contact made him shudder, he wanted to feel her closer to him.

She let out a surprised sigh as his tongue grazed her bottom lip and then he did the unthinkable. He took Violet's lip in between his teeth, sucking slightly on the plump flesh. Violet thought she couldn't take anymore, her whole body was alight with fire. She felt her stomach tighten in a not so unpleasant way, and wondered what else he could make her feel.

He took a risk and pulled her into his lap. She made no sound of reluctance as she settled herself astride him. They squeezed each other closer, deepening the kiss. She felt his roaming hands searing through her dress. She wanted nothing more than to feel his hands on her bare skin. She wanted to feel him completely.

"Tommy." She breathed out in a whimper as he trailed kisses down her neck, resting his head on her shoulder. They breathed in each other, relishing in the close contact of their bodies. He finally looked up at her seeing the same desire he felt, in her eyes. Staring deep into his blue eyes, she was ready to tell him what she wanted to do.

Before she could voice her thought, someone came into the room, startling both of them. "What are you two doing in here?! You can't be in here!"

Before they could get caught, Violet jumped off Tommy's lap, running for the door. He trailed behind her grabbing hold of her hand. They left before their interrupter could catch them. Running down the hall, back to third class, Violet had no idea where she was going. Tommy took the lead, seeming to know where to take them. They stopped at a dead end, sure they weren't being followed. After catching their breath, they erupted in laughter.

A/N: I intended to write this chapter where Violet was going to stay with Tommy in third class, but for some reason I didn't think it would work well. Not that I'm old fashioned or anything but the way I want this story to go, it doesn't really work for me. And I purposely changed it from Violet's point of view to third person in the middle. I wanted to get both Violet and Tommy's thoughts in there. Please read and review, sorry for keeping you hanging like this.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

April 14th 1912

"That was close." Violet shrugged the tension from her shoulders. Once they made it out of the dining room they came to a dead end at the end of the hall. Both were trying to catch their breath. Violet tried to ignore the tight warmth in her stomach after her closeness with Tommy. She tried to pass her breathlessness off as a result from running, but she couldn't be sure. She looked to Tommy for any sign that he was feeling the same. She saw he was trying to catch his breath too as he still laughed at the situation.

"Do ye think they'll follow us?"Tommy said peering around the corner, looking to see if anyone had followed them.

"Does it matter?" Violet watched Tommy's every move. The way his chest moved when he tried to get his lungs full. The way his curly hair stuck to his skin from the moisture. His hands were on his hips. He leaned his head back against the wall, sighing out in relief. Violet couldn't help but notice how sensual it all looked. He looked at her across from him, noticing the different tone in her voice. It was earthy and velvety. He saw the way she was looking at him. It made him freeze in his tracks.

Immobile, he watched as she obliterated the space between them. Her hands wrapped around his waist as they stopped just above where his hands were on his hips. She placed a chaste kiss on the base of his slick throat. The kiss seemed too innocent for where she had placed it. Tommy let out a shuddering breath as he pulled her into him.

"Take me somewhere." She breathed huskily as she gave him another kiss, this time lower so she could feel the tickle if his chest hair on her lips.

He felt the moisture of her breath on him as she continued to taste him.

"Where?" He asked. He really had no idea where they could go.

"Anywhere. Just as long as it's where no one will find us." She looked up at him, hoping he was feeling what she was feeling. Wanted what she wanted. She didn't think she could back away now. Her mind was set.

"Okay, come with me." He grabbed her hand and led her down the hall, making sure there really wasn't anyone that was looking for them. He took her back down to third class, and to her surprise he went farther, taking a few more flights down. It was colder, but the pulsing in her veins and heat at his touch kept her warm. Her hand shook in his as they walked further, the tension dragging. He must have felt her tremble because he squeezed her hand tighter.

They finally came to a door. They hadn't come across anyone in this area so Violet trusted that Tommy knew where he was taking them. He stopped in front of the door looking back at her. He gave her a reassuring smile and then turned the handle. It was pitch black, until Tommy turned the light switch.

Violet wasn't sure where they could be, to her it looked like just a big empty room.

"Where are we?"

"It's the squash court. It's only used during the day, so I figured…" Tommy doubted his decision now. It really was just an open space, with the squash equipment stored on either side of the room. Violet couldn't help but look skeptical, until she saw the door across the room.

"What's through there?" She walked towards it before he could answer it. He followed behind her, not sure what was behind the door either. Violet opened it carefully, in case it was somewhere else they shouldn't have been. She opened it further to find a sort of changing room. Satisfied that no one was in here she pushed the door open fully and pulled Tommy in. She closed the door behind him.

Violet found a switch that turned on a lamp that sat near the entrance on a small table. The faint light illuminated enough of the room to see that it was cozy. The room was small, but it was furnished well. Different chairs and sofas were placed about the room that led to the changing room. Lockers and cubbies to keep belongings were at the end where it was still dark. Violet sat on a sofa that was spacious enough for two. She pretended to admire the room and the furnishings, but really she was just avoiding looking at Tommy.

He stood near the door for awhile, studying her, admiring the way she was avoiding looking at him entirely. To him it seemed he didn't even exist in this little room. He smiled at her innocence and wondered how much she knew about what she wanted. Why they came here.

He came to sit right next to her. Their thighs touched as he settled beside her. Her trailing hands that were admiring the touch of the fabric of the chair beneath her, now trailed soft paths on his leg. Still not looking at him she breathed heavily in anticipation. Tommy caught her hand, intertwining their fingers together. He brought her hand to his lips and sealed a kiss on her shivering knuckles. She looked at him then, and was glad she did. She didn't know for sure, but she could swear she saw the same trepidation in his eyes.

She smiled softly as he took on a serious countenance.

"Violet, we don't have to do this."

"I want to." She was surprised at how confidant she sounded. It didn't match the unsteady beating in her heart or the trembles she felt in her legs.

"I want ta too. But we have forever Violet."

"But we're here, right now. And who knows what will happen tomorrow. I want you to love me. I want to feel something I've never felt before. And I want to feel it with you." She didn't know how to take the laugh they came from him. _Is he laughing at me?_ She thought angrily.

"Violet, ye keep surprising me. Come 'ere." He leaned into the back of the sofa bringing her down with him. He held her against his chest as she rested her head to hear his beating heart. To her amazement it matched the beating of her own.

"Tommy, please make love to me." She looked up at him seeing a change in him. His jaw tightened as he placed his focus entirely on her. Before she could react he had her on her back, kissing her more passionately then they ever had. The searing kiss brought back the ache in her stomach, as it spread to her fingers and toes. She couldn't help but let out the moan that seemed to come from nowhere. His hands roamed freely over her torso, he kneaded the soft fabric of her dress between his hands. Frantically she held his head closer to her, wanting to feel more of his lips all over her. He trailed hot kisses down her throat, stopping right above the hem of her dress. Even then against the fabric she felt electrified. She wondered how much more she would feel without it.

She yelped at the thought of being nude and suddenly became tense under him. He felt her change and looked up at her.

"Violet what is it?"

"N-Nothing. I just thought of something."

"Violet." He said as warning.

"Please, just don't stop."

Hesitantly he continued his ministrations on her torso. He continued down her body, nipping at the fabric that was separating him from her. He knew he had to be patient, take it slow. He loved her, and wanted to prove it to her. He was going to make sure she felt everything and enjoyed it fully. He knew he would, but that wasn't what this was about. It was about them, being together, and feeling the love they said they felt for each other. As he was slowly taking her in little by little, he realized something.

"Violet?"

"W-What?" She said breathless and a little annoyed.

"Are you wearing a corset?"

She looked down at him, confused. "No. I usually don't. Is…Is that alright?" She wasn't sure if it bothered him or not. She was so used to not wearing it she never really gave it a second thought.

The devilish grin that came across his face told her that it didn't bother him in the slightest. If anything it drove him faster. To her delight he fell beside her on the sofa so he was looking down at her. She rested herself against him, enjoying being with him like this.

He grazed his finger tips over her shoulder, pushing the fabric aside to reveal her milky skin. He took no time to kiss the area that was revealed. He copied the act until her other shoulder was bare to him also, kissing it in the same way. She took initiative and sat up with her feet planted on the ground. Her back was to him as she moved her hair out of the way to reveal the buttons on the back of her dress. She didn't realize how binded she felt until Tommy, one by one, started to undo the buttons, freeing her of the stifling garment. The slight touch of his hands down her back was the most sensual thing she had ever felt, she knew it was nothing to what she would feel, the night wasn't over yet, she still had a lot to experience.

She let the dress fall from her shoulders as she freed her arms from the sleeves. With her dress pooled at her waist, she stood up facing him, letting it fall completely to the floor. She still had her slip on, but the thin fabric left nothing to the imagination. Violet stood in front of Tommy, not really sure what to do next. He saw the hesitation on her face and stood in front of her. He grabbed her hands in reassurance as he knelt to whisper in her ear, "Ye are a beauty Violet."

He stood back to take his vest off, he let it fall next to Violets forgotten dress. As he started to undo his top button of his shirt, she stopped him.

"Can I do it?"

He answered by letting his hands fall to his sides, resting his palms on her hips, which he now noticed were very shapely. Smiling to himself, he watched as she mimicked him in unbuttoning him one by one. He wondered if it was this agonizing when he did it to her. She freed him of his shirt, trailing her hands down his patched chest down to his navel stopping at the brim of his pants. Nervously she played with the hem, not sure if she wanted to do this part. He helped her by unfastening his trousers. Quickly, he kicked them aside.

They came together for another kiss. This time it was slow, and sensual, they both knew what it would eventually lead to, no need to rush it. Violet pulled herself from him, taking a step back. She pulled the straps of her slip over her shoulders knowing that she didn't need any assistance. Once they were passed her shoulders it slid off of her with no effort. The only sound that could be heard was the soft hum of the engines. She was thankful, she could have sworn he could have heard her heart beating. He reached a hand out to her to bring her back flushed to him.

This time she pulled on his under shorts, pulling them down to his knees. He kicked those away too. Without breaking eye contact he sat back down on the sofa, pulling her between his legs. Lazily he let his fingers touch her soft skin. From her lower back to the back of her thighs he touched her. She couldn't help but arch into him. He moved further back giving her more room to lie beside him. Pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, she settled herself next to him.

Violet wasn't expecting to feel so calm, looking up at Tommy, she trusted him completely.

She had no idea the feeling of contentment wouldn't last much longer. She thought she felt him shake but she realized she felt it through the sofa too. She heard the slight rumble echo through the room. The lamp on the table shook, flickering the lights as it dimmed in and out throughout the room. Tommy felt it too as he looked around at the slight tremble in the walls. As soon as it started it stopped, leaving the room eerily quiet.

"What was that?" Violet asked.

Tommy stood, grabbing his clothes and hers.

"Whatever it was it wasn't good. Come on, get dressed. We won' know till we find out."

She quickly dressed herself as she saw how frantically Tommy got his clothes on. She couldn't help but feel nervous at the way he was acting all of a sudden. They left the room quickly hand in hand as they started their ascend back up. It was then, that Violet noticed that the engines had stopped. She held onto Tommy's hand a little tighter.

A/N: Sorry. Not sorry.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

April 14th 1912

The walk back to the upper decks felt like an eternity. My heart hadn't stopped racing since I had entered that room with Tommy. But now it felt as if it would burst through my chest. The way Tommy dragged me along, not stopping his pace for even a second, didn't settle the worry I felt in my stomach. We had almost made love and now it felt as if none of that had even happened. He hadn't looked back or spoken to me since we hurriedly left the room hand in hand. I was breathless and afraid to speak.

I had no idea what was going on. All I knew for sure was that the ship had stopped. I knew Tommy had a pretty good idea what was going on, but I didn't dare ask him. It was hard for me to catch my breath as we weaved in and out of the hallways trying to get back. We passed a few people, all had the same uncertain looks on their faces. Tommy didn't pay them any attention as we passed them. He still pulled at me behind him. I was getting frustrated as a couple times I tried to free myself from his grasp. But he was relentless.

"Tommy?" I huffed, trying not to sound frantic. But I wanted him to tell me what was going on. If he even knew himself.

He ignored me as he held onto me, this time gripping tighter. My arm felt as if it would come apart from my body if he didn't let me go.

"Tommy you're hurting me!" I yelled at him from frustration as I finally freed myself from his hold. He looked back surprised as I held my hand to my chest.

He seemed just as frantic as I was feeling and surprised as he saw me rubbing my hand in comfort.

"Love, I'm sorry. I jus' need to get ya up where it's safe. Are ye alrigh'?" He looked worried now as he took my hand in his and tenderly held it. But I could feel him shaking. It didn't make me feel any better. And I agreed that we needed to get above safely, to assess what was going on.

"Yes I'm fine, I'm just scared."

"There's nothing to be scared of. Come on, le's see wha's goin' on."

He took my hand again, this time more gently, as we started walking again. We passed his cabin as Hamish walked out, the same expression of confusion on his face.

"Tommy, do ye know what's happening? The boat has stopped."

"I need to get Violet back to her parents. We'll find out once we talk to someone. Come on." Tommy didn't waste any time as he breezed past Hamish, who soon followed behind us.

We made it swiftly to the first class deck. When we came to the rail that separated first class from the rest, Tommy stopped, unsure. I looked back, unsure myself of what to do.

"Ye go on. Find yer parents, find out whats goin' on. I'll come find ye later."

"But…" I started to protest but he quickly silenced me as he reassured me that we wouldn't be apart for long.

"I'll try an' find out myself what's goin' on. Then I'll come right back 'ere." He smiled to reassure me, but I couldn't help but feel like he just did it to appease me.

"I'll be right back. I promise." I left in a hurry before I could change my mind.

It was well past midnight and pitch black outside. The flickering stars hung above us as the freezing air did nothing to comfort my nerves. I shivered and rubbed at my arms trying to keep myself warm until I could get to my room and get my coat. I passed many people who were eager and curious to find out what was going on.

The Titanic stewards kept reassuring people that there was nothing to worry about, and to keep calm. _Then why did I have this relentless feeling that was pooling in my stomach? Was it the false smile that Tommy gave me as I left him? Or the foreboding feeling I've had all along about this ship?_

I didn't want to jump to any conclusions until I found out exactly what was happening. Then I would get back to Tommy as soon as possible. _I shouldn't have left him_. I hoped that all this worrying was for not, and that we would laugh about it later, but I didn't think that that was going to happen.

The halls were starting to become crowded as people gathered to discuss the unknown events. I weaved through them trying desperately to get to my room. I hoped my parents were still in their rooms and I wouldn't have to go searching for them. I burst through the door, calling for them.

"Joe! Mama, papa!"

"Violet! You gave us a fright." I startled my mother at my outburst.

"Do you know what's happening?" I asked frantically.

"No, they won't tell us anything. Some man barged in before you did telling us to put our life jackets on." My heart sank at the little bit of information. My father looked annoyed. He never did like someone telling him what to do.

"Where's Joe?"

"He's asleep in his room." My mother answered.

I calmed down a little now that I knew everyone was safe, but I still had to get back to Tommy and make sure he was with me through this. I didn't know how far this would escalate. Just as I was getting antsy to get back to him, a man entered, informing us that we were to get to the life boats to begin boarding. Without another word he left, my heart beat rapidly in my chest until I could feel the pulsating in my ears. _Was this really happening? What WAS happening?_ They were giving us no explanation. It made me all the more fearful.

"Damn, unorganized the lot of them!" My father protested.

"Well I suppose we should be off." My mother declared grabbing her jacket.

"I'll grab my coat and then get Joe ready." I moved to my room, pulling on my heavy coat. I stood immobile for a moment, trying to keep my bearings. _This is just a precaution_. I kept telling myself. _We'll be fine._

I went to Joe's room, stealthily opening it as to not frighten him. The room was dark until I flicked the light on. It took me a second to comprehend what I saw, or what I _didn't_ see. _Joe's not here_.

"Mama, did Joe come out of his room?" _He must have gotten up on his own_.

"What dear?"

"Is Joe awake? Is he out here with you?" I asked, fear starting to tremble my speech.

"No. I thought he was in his room." My mother started to look worried too.

"He's not in there." I felt numb. _This was not happening._

"Well he's not anywhere else in here either. Where is he?" My father asked, worried too.

My mind swam as I tried to think of where he could be. _Where could he have gone?_ Then it dawned on me. He obviously went looking for me and knew I'd be with Tommy.

"I know where he is." I stated. "I'll be back, just get to the boats and I will meet you." I started to leave but my mother grabbed me.

"Violet we don't know what's happening, let us go with you until we find out what's really going on."My mother pleaded.

I could only nod my head. We followed the other people as they made their way to the outside decks. The lifeboats were being lowered and the noise was ear piercing. I pushed through the crowd of people making my way back to where I left Tommy. I stopped at the gate to turn to my parents.

"I'll go on my own. Stay here and make sure we have a place on the boats." I turned not willing to let my fear show or my emotions get the better of me.

"Violet, " My father's voice halted my step, "Please be careful."

I turned, determined to get back with Tommy and Joe. I didn't intend to come back without them.

I went back down with Hamish. Leaving Violet was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I knew I had to get her to first class, to make sure she would be safe. I didn't know the extent of what was happening. But my mind was at ease that Violet would be out of harm's way if anything did happen.

Hamish and I ran into Lorenzo and Bernardo on our way back down. They were going up the flight of stairs as we almost passed them without noticing. Everything seemed to be hectic as no one knew exactly what was wrong.

"Where you two going?" Lorenzo asked frantically as he tried to persuade us back up the stairs.

"We're trying to find out what's going on." Hamish said annoyed at being pushed around.

"Didn't you here? The boats sinking. We hit iceberg. We must go, get to the boats." Lorenzo said more hurriedly as he kept pushing us.

"Wait. What?" I couldn't believe what I had heard. _The boat can't sink._

Bernardo spoke with fear in his eyes. "They not letting us through, we found another way. We must go."

Without asking more questions I followed them up. I was getting pretty tired of going up and down from third class to first. If I got out of here I was definitely never going to get on another ship for a long time. Everyone seemed to have the same idea as they were all heading up the stairs. I was only paying attention to my feet taking two steps at a time and trying not to knock anyone else off their feet. It always seemed like it took too long to get from place to another down here. If I hadn't averted my gaze down the hall we had just passed I wouldn't have seen him.

_It couldn't be. Joe?_ I thought it was a boy that looked just like him but it was definitely him. He looked scared straight through. His cheeks were red and splotched from crying. _Where was Violet?_ The thought frightened me. I made sure to get to him before I lost sight of him.

"Joe? Wha' ya doin' doen 'ere?"

He didn't answer me as he swung his arms around my neck. I picked him up taking him with me up the stairs.

"Joe, where's your sister?" I tried to keep him calm, but it was difficult when I didn't even feel calm myself.

"I came to find her. But I got lost. I couldn't find her." He started to cry again as he tightened his grip on me.

"It's okay Joe, I'll take ye to your sister." I hoped that Violet was still with her parents. I quickened my step not wanting to waste anymore time.

Finally, I made it to first class. They were still giving people a hard time about coming onto the first class level, but I was having none of that. I pushed through ignoring the threats from the stewards. A crowd of people had gathered around the life boats that were being prepared for use. _Lorenzo was right_. I could already feel the slant of the sinking ship beneath my feet. _Could this ship really sink?_

"Joe we need to find your parents and your sister, can ye see them?" He turned his head from my shoulder, looking around him. After a few seconds he pointed down the deck towards the far end.

"Mama, papa!" He scrambled out of my grasp, running towards them. I followed him, relieved that I would finally be with Violet once again. I neared them realizing Violet was nowhere to be seen. My heart sank and my blood ran cold.

I approached the reunited family as I wondered helplessly where Violet was. _Maybe she was just in their rooms?_ I hoped, _oh God I hoped she was near_.

They noticed my presence as I was just standing there helplessly. They eyed me curiously, probably wondering why a third class man was staring at them. Joe told them who I was, I was thankful because I wasn't sure I could handle formal introductions with the current situation.

"Where is she?" I asked trying not to let my voice break.

The man, who I assumed was her father answered gravely, "She went to look for Joe, and I suppose…you also." He also looked unsure.

I raised my hands to my head in a defeated gesture. _Violet was somewhere below, looking for me and her brother. While they were locking people up down there_. I wanted to scream I was felt so helpless. I dropped to my knees feeling heavy with guilt and responsibility. _I should not have let her go_.

A hand on my shoulder brought me back. "Do you know where she might have gone?" Violet's father asked. I stood up again, composing myself and getting back the strength to go and find her.

"There were only a few places she would have gone. But I must go now." I turned my back to look for her, not wanting to waste any more time.

"Please," I heard her mother call behind me, "You've already done so much for her. But please bring her back."

"I will." I left to once again go to third class.

_How could Titanic sink, they said she was unsinkable!_ I tried to calm myself to think of where Joe might have gone. He obviously went looking for me. _Tommy. He went to look for Tommy_.

The halls were completely empty now. Everyone either up on deck or still stuck down below. The thought made me sick. _How could they treat these people like animals?_

I don't know how long I had been down below when the ship started to groan. My heart stopped at the unfamiliar sound. And yet I knew exactly what it was. My heart hammered in my chest as I thought of Joe. How scared he must have been.

The deeper I went down the less people I came across. To me that was a good sign that they were letting people up to the decks. It gave me a little bit of courage that we would have a chance once I found Joe and Tommy. The flickering lights brought me in and out darkness, it made it all the harder to see where I was going. I realized I went too far, so I turned back, determined to find Tommy in his room first so he could help me look for Joe. I noticed as I was walking that my steps were off balance. I felt the shift in the level as soon as I started my way down here. But it didn't stop me from continuing on. As I made my way back I realized I must have taken a wrong turn. Nothing seemed recognizable to me. I wondered aimlessly for a few minutes. I didn't want to turn back and get even more lost.

What I came across next made my hairs stand on end. The door at the end of the hall was closed but behind it was water forcing itself through the cracks. It looked like it would burst at any moment.

I made no hesitation or took any thought at the route I took towards a flight of stairs. I needed to get on a higher level.

"_What is this?"_ I said under my breath. "Why are the gates closed?!" I asked aloud this time seeing the gate in front of me locked shut. I turned to go back down to find another way but saw water trickling in at an alarming pace up the stairs.

Desperate, I yelled, hoping someone might hear me, "Hello! Someone help me! Hello!" I kept on, not willing to give up. The thought of not finding Joe or Tommy filled me with dread. I couldn't die here knowing I didn't save them.

I tried not to look behind me to see how fast the water was coming up, but I could hear it. My nerves and anxiety started to take over as I yelled and screamed louder than before. "Someone please help me!" The tears flowed down my face. A movement down the hall on the opposite side of the gate stopped me from yelling. My heart rose as hope filled me, believing I was saved for the moment. A frantic steward was running towards the next flight of stairs. My hope fell in me when I realized that he had ignored me completely, turning his back on me to run up the stairs.

"Sir please! Help me! I'm locked down here!" Without stopping he threw something over his shoulder towards me not bothering to look at me. The clank of the object hitting the floor made me realize it was a ring of keys.

I was shocked that he wouldn't help me. The keys landed a ways from me as they slid towards the closed gate.

"You bastard!" I was enraged that he left me here to fend for myself. Left me here to die.

I got on my hands and knees, stretching through the gate trying to reach for the keys. They were so far away, I had no chance of getting them in my grasp. I pushed myself against the gate willing myself to stretch farther. I knew it was useless, but it didn't stop me.

My tears were making it harder for me to see. I decided to keep yelling for help as I kept on with my pointless effort to try and get the keys.

I stole a glance behind me, seeing how much time I had left. To my horror, the water level rose right to the first step below me. I stood up yelling like I never had before. Before I knew it the water touched my feet. They were soon engulfed by the freezing, painful water that quickly rose up my legs. I banged and pulled on the gate as I saw the keys disappear under the water. The lights flickered until they completely went out. All I could hear was the rushing of the water that I knew would soon envelope me in darkness.

Then I couldn't scream anymore. I gasped for breath even though my head was still above the water, but my anxiety and fear took hold of my senses. I willed myself to think of Joe and Tommy. I wanted them to be the last thing I ever thought about. I worried that Joe hadn't been found and that Tommy hadn't made it on the decks, hopefully they were both already in a life boat. Being unsure that they were not safe pushed me to fight until the end. I screamed some more as a final attempt to live through this.

"Help! Please, someone help me!"

I couldn't be sure but I thought I heard my name. The rushing of the water that was almost passing my shoulders made it hard to hear. The chattering of my teeth and the shaking of my frigid body kept me from answering.

"Violet! Jaysus Christ!" Tommy fell into the water, trudging towards me.

Before the water could take me, I had to tell him to find Joe. If I was lost he could still be saved.

"Tommy we can't find him. Joe's gone, I've been looking for him!" I was crying hysterically and my body was numb, now as it all came crashing down on me. I wanted nothing more than to embrace Tommy and be held in comfort by him. But these damn blasted bars were keeping him from me!

"Joe is with your parents!" He grabbed hold of the bars trying to get them to budge. I wanted to tell him it was useless, but all I could feel was relief that Joe was safe. I started to drift and let myself go. I knew I was going to die. I was thankful I could see Tommy in the end.

"T-Tommy…the k-keys…there." I got it out enough for him to understand as I pointed below him. Without a moment's hesitation he dove under to find the keys. He resurfaced a moment later with the set of keys. By now the water was at my ears and I felt my weight lift in the water, my feet barely touching the ground. He scrambled through the set unsure of where to start he disappeared, trying the keys in the lock.

"Tommy!" I screamed because I knew it was close. He came up gasping for air.

"I don't know which one! I don't know which one it is Violet!" He grabbed onto my hands through the bar. I hoped I could have felt his touch, but I was so numb and cold that I didn't even feel it.

"I'm sacred! I don't want to die!" I was frantic. In my last moments I didn't feel calm or at peace, I wanted to live.

"Yer not gonna die! I'm not leaving ya!"Before I could protest to tell him to go, he dove under again. Faster than I expected, the water engulfed itself around me. I tried to take another breath but was too late. I swallowed some water in the process, which kept me from getting a lung full. I went under, opening my eyes to see Tommy. He was scrambling with the keys. I felt the burning urge to breath, but I held it. I wasn't ready yet. I held fast onto the bars hoping he could get it open in time. Before I could fight off the inevitable any longer, it all went black.

A/N: I wanted to convey how fast the Titanic went down and what it must have felt like to everyone still on board. I did some research and couldn't believe that they actually locked people below so that the first class passengers could get in the life boats first. I was disgusted and realized how truly horrific it must have been that night. I'm sorry to leave this chapter like this, but it's only going to get worse. Bear with me. Please read and review.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

April 14th 1912

I felt lost and unsure of everything. Where I was and what was happening to me, was a mystery. The veil of darkness that took my senses seemed unsurpassable. As I floated in between nothing, my mind wandered. Glimpses of my life up until now bombarded my head, shifting and changing like a flip book. I only caught a few seconds of each memory but felt each one like I was reliving every moment a second time. I felt no desire to fight, only content at what was being shown to me.

I no longer felt cold but wrapped in warmth from an unknown source. As I was drifting further into darkness I felt a strange pull keeping me back, a tether to life. I ignored it as best as I could but the memories were fading, slowly being replaced with images, unfamiliar events that I had no remembrance of taking part in. As I peered closer into these visions I recognized the faces, but not the setting.

I saw myself and Tommy. _Tommy_. It all came to me in a flash. A rush coursed through my body making me dizzy with realization. We were together, hand in hand walking across a green field. Everything else was blurry but I knew where we were. _Home_.

I knew I had to get back. I remembered where I should have been and that I needed to get back. I focused on the pull and tried to embrace the cold once more. It bit at me and I flinched but I kept going forward, determined to get through this, or out of this. The further I got from the warm comfort the clearer the voice became. Someone was calling me, saying my name like a prayer, over and over again. I knew the voice and it filled me with the warmth that I had sacrificed to go to him.

I opened my eyes and couldn't make out what was before me. The blurry shapes and flickering lights kept me from focusing. I came to the realization that I was soaked and freezing. The only thing I could feel was someone gripping and shaking me, willing me to move. The voice was as present as ever. The frantic calls of my name pushed me to come through faster.

"Violet! Violet, come on wake up!" Tommy had me in his arms. We were both freezing and wet. My dress clung to me but offered no comfort. I could just make out Tommy's face through the haze. I heard him gasp as I opened and closed my eyes to get the water out of my sight. "Violet, can ye hear me?!"

He stopped shaking me to hold my head in his hands. I sputtered on the remaining water that was left in my lungs. I took in a mouthful of air and it felt like heaven. I never thought I'd take advantage of something so simple ever again.

"Violet, can ye hear me?" I looked to Tommy hearing the fear leave his voice, replaced by soft worry.

"Tommy." I managed to say it, but it felt like I swallowed a piece of wood. He smiled at my attempt and held me closer.

"I thought I'd lost ye."

I was about to ask him what happened, but I realized I didn't need to know right now. I felt the numbness leave my lips as I started to come back to life. I held onto Tommy's shirt not wanting to be taken back to the place that I was almost condemned to.

"I saw you." I said it mostly to myself, as I was remembering what had happened.

"What?" He asked confused.

"I saw us. Together."

"I'm here Violet, I wasn't gonna leave ya." He brushed a wet strand of hair from my face.

I knew he'd never leave me, but I was ready to leave him forever at the first sign of comfort. The visions of our possible life together brought me back. Were these images that I had seen what I wanted or was it possible I was given a glimpse into my own future? Either way I wasn't going to let the chance slip by. We had to get off this ship. In a panic I stood up when I knew we still weren't out of danger. He followed me up and took hold of me.

"We need to get out of here." I looked around and saw that we were no longer in third class but on one of the upper floors.

"Jus' take it easy love. Ye almost died." A pained expression washed over him, so I embraced him. The warmth of our bodies subsided the fear in both of us for only a moment.

"Where are we?" I asked, not letting go of him.

"After I unlocked the gate, I brought you away from the rising water. I was so scared…when I was carryin' ya…ye weren't movin'…I feared you were already taken from me. I set ye down…I was afraid if I went any further I'd have lost my chance."

"I'm here, with you now."

"Yes and we need to go before we _both_ lose our chance." He took my hand firmly and led me away from where my potential grave could have been. The hallways were abandoned. We passed left behind and forgotten luggage littered in the hallway. No one had time to even think about what to take. It was either leave with your life or stay and die. The thought that this was the last time I would see the inside of this ship made me incredibly sad.

So many people's hopes and dreams depended on this ship, and now all that was gone.

We made it above, on the deck, just in time. The boat had drastically shifted its balance as I looked behind me in horror to see the front of the ship submerged in the black sea. The screams and panicked cries brought up a whole new fear in me, one that I wasn't ready to face. It took several moments for the cold air to sink into my skin. With my wet attire, it felt even more painful than being submerged in the water.

Neither Tommy nor myself had protection against the below freezing temperature. The puffs of hot air that came from both of our adrenaline fuelled bodies were our only proof of life. Determined to keep that last evidence alive, we trudged forward through the sea of people. I kept up with him, not wanting to hold either of us back. It was difficult to keep our pace as we kept slipping on ourselves on the uneven deck. The upward climb proved to be more difficult than either of us thought.

Halfway up the ship, Tommy pulled me to the railing. He seemed to be contemplating what to do as he held fast to me. All I could do was hold on and trust him. And I did, in that moment I knew I trusted Tommy with whatever decision he made. As long as we were together through all of this I would follow him. I tried to ignore the ear piercing cries from all the helpless people around us. I tried not to shake from the cold, but it was next to impossible as my nerves took away my ability to control my body. I ground my teeth together to keep from chattering, but that only made me tremble all the more.

Tommy looked to me then and I saw the fear and uncertainty in his eyes. I couldn't help but smile at him because he was still here with me. Through the battle that my body was fighting it was a difficult task. The more we stood here the more time was slipping through our fingers.

"I'm sorry." I could just make out what he was saying. I didn't know what he was apologizing for. If he felt guilty that I was here with him instead of out in some lifeboat with a bunch of strangers, he was mistaken. As hard as this was, the fear of not knowing whether we would live or die, this is where I wanted to be. I didn't know how to make him understand, so I just held him closer. Through the trembling of our bodies and the chattering of our teeth it was difficult for either of us to speak. The numbness of my limbs left me feeling betrayed by my own body. It was giving up on me when I wasn't ready to.

Things seemed to become more frantic by the second as people were resorting to jumping off the ship. I contemplated this myself, I felt cowardly, and I wasn't ready to face the cold waters again. I looked behind me to see the water coming rapidly closer to us anyways. Lack of time was taking away most of our already slim options.

"What do we do?" I managed to ask Tommy as he still seemed to be battling with the same question.

"I…I don' know. We can't stay on this ship when it sinks, we'll be dragged under with 'er."

The fear set in me again. I couldn't go through that again. I was quickly learning that if I made it through this, I held no desire to be near any body of water ever again.

"We jump?" I asked unsure myself if I could even push myself to jump. I was so ready to do it only a few days ago, when I didn't have the desire to live. But now, everything was different. I had a million things to live for. Well, one thing, _Tommy_. But he held within himself a million possibilities and chances for happiness. _Could I jump now to ensure my future with him?_ I had to, this one time I had to be brave and risk the chance of death to be with Tommy.

He nodded as he released his hold on my waist slightly to help me over the railing. It seemed funny to me now that he was helping me over the other side of the ship this time. I laughed in spite of everything that was happening, unable to control all the emotions going through me.

As Tommy held my arms in place he asked, "What in the hell could be funny at a moment like this?"

"It's just that, not too long ago you were trying to stop me from jumping off this ship." I laughed again as I looked up to meet his eyes. I couldn't be sure but in that moment, I think we were both glad that in spite of everything, we were still alive and together up until this point. I held close to the railing as Tommy brought himself over to stand next to me. We looked down below us hoping that it wasn't as far down as it looked. He looked to me in question as he held his hand out to me.

"Ready?"

I could only nod. I couldn't lie to him, he would see right through it. I gripped his hand tight as we made one swift motion for the descent. My stomach felt like it was lodged in my chest as the seconds passed slowly until we hit the water. It might as well have been ice since it felt like we were hit with a solid object. Still holding each other's hands tightly we scrambled for the surface. I was in dire need of a breath of air as the pounding of the glacier water knocked the air from me. Once we hit the surface it was harder to breathe with stinging lungs. Tommy didn't take any time to swim us away from the ship.

I couldn't look back just yet, afraid to see the sinking ship from a different perspective. We kept on swimming until we were far enough from the disaster. I thought I was using my arms and legs to swim, but I couldn't be sure as I couldn't feel any part of my body now. All I knew was that my mind was still giving orders that I knew I had to obey to live.

Tommy seemed like none of it fazed him as he pulled me with him. He found a floating deck chair that he pulled to us. It didn't keep us out of the water but kept us from having to swim anymore. I held onto the chair letting myself drift from exhaustion.

"Violet, ye gotta keep movin'. Ye'll stay warmer if ye keep movin'." He wrapped himself around me from behind, trying to keep us both warm. I thought it was useless as neither of us were even close enough to being warm.

"I'm already too cold." I whined as I let my eyes shut.

"Don' close yer eyes. Stay awake Violet." He sounded sterner which kept me from ignoring him. A moment of silence passed between us as we looked to see the Titanic in a vertical position. I never thought I would ever see such a sight. And the thought that there were still people on board made me cry. Warm tears fell down my face, but soon turned cold and stiff on my cheeks. The faint screams of the last souls on board drifted thought the night air. I knew I'd never live to forget those sounds as long as I lived, which I came to the realization that that might well be soon.

Only moments passed for the silence to fill the air. After the ship went under, leaving this world for good, an eerie calm came over all that were left in the water. I heard some cries for help, expecting that the boats would come back for us. I knew better though. I hated to admit that I had no faith in the fact that no one in first class would risk coming to save any of us. I knew there would be few among them that would argue, but what could they do? I hoped Joe was warm. A luxury such as warmth seemed so out of my grasp at this point that I soon forgot the feeling.

Tommy had been quite. Except for every few moments he would check that I was awake. He held me to the deck chair, not releasing his grip on me or our life preserve. I couldn't say that the cold was a problem anymore. I was passed the point of feeling anything by now.

"T-Tommy?"

He shifted himself behind me so his chin was resting on my shoulder. 'Y-Yes l-love?"

"I d-din't think…it w-would end like this." Using what energy I had left to talk was making me shake again.

"End? W-we're s-still…alive."

I had to huff in an attempt to laugh, "B-barely."

"Jus-st stay wake, they'll come b-back."

I nodded my head but I knew it was futile. No one was coming for us. We would all die out here, in the freezing water. I didn't know if Tommy was just saying that because he knew it too or if he really felt they would be saved. Knowing that the former was more than likely going to be our fate I let my eyes shut, succumbing to the warm darkness again. This time, Tommy didn't tell me to stay awake.

A/N: I hated the way Tommy died in Titanic. He really must have had the worst luck to get shot on a sinking ship. This story isn't anywhere near done. I have a lot planned for these two. I hope no one is getting bored or it seems like I'm just dragging this along. Please read and review.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

April 17th 1912

The light from the window filtered through, illuminating the room. Specks of dust danced in the streaming sunlight keeping my mind preoccupied and from thinking of the disaster I had just survived. The Carpathia, which had transported Titanic's survivors to New York, had come to the aid of the Titanic's life boats. I was told I had been lucky that a boat came back for survivors, though no one could tell me who else had been saved. I feared that Tommy had been left behind. That was two days ago.

I lay in my bed as I'm looked after by nurses, making sure that no real damage had been done to me. They had cut my hair short. They reasoned that my most of my hair had been damaged due to being frozen stiff. I hadn't had a chance to look at it, not like I cared anyways. I was placed in a ward filled with other fellow survivors, mostly women and children. I became restless as no one had any information on any of the survivors. They were still conducting an investigation as to what exactly happened, who was responsible, and who had survived. Some men came by three times asking for my name and every time I asked if they had found a Tommy Ryan. Always they said no, but not to worry as they were still working on getting a complete consensus.

My hope dwindled as news spread that the bodies left out in the sea would be collected today, and then the consensus could be completed. I feared that Tommy was among the dead. I silently cried every night I was kept here that I had left him behind. I was just about to try and get out of bed when the doctor came over to my bed.

"Miss Harker you're not ready to be moving about." He was an older man but with kindness in his eyes.

"I'm going crazy just laying here, doing nothing." I tried not to cry again, I didn't think I had anything left in me.

"I know, we are all waiting to hear the final news, but please, until then try to rest." He came over to pull the covers over me again. He left me with a half hearted smile to the other patients.

I had lain back with the intention to sleep as someone burst through the double doors causing everyone to look over at the commotion. I turned my head as well to see who it was. _Maybe someone had news on more survivors?_

I sat up in anticipation, but what I saw instead made my heart drop_. Joe._

"Joe?" I said aloud for all the room to hear.

He turned to find me in my bed. He ran faster than I thought he was capable of. "Violet!" He shrieked and I could tell his voice was strained with tears. He ran into my arms as I fell back on the bed.

"You're alive. You're alive. You're alive." He kept on blubbering through an onslaught of tears. I held fast to him so relieved that he was safe and we were together again. "I found you." He whispered in my ear like the whole thing was a game to him. I felt such love for him that he hadn't lost his innocence in all this. I thought I was done crying but tears of joy flowed freely down my face. I kissed him all over his head as he giggled from the touch.

I felt we were being watched. I looked up to find both my parents looking at out reunion. I was glad they were here, after everything that had happened I had hoped to mend the broken relationship between myself and my parents. I held my arm out to embrace all of them. We came together for once as a family.

"How did you find me?" I asked my parents as I sat Joe in bed next to me.

"We checked the papers every hour of every day. We were desperate to find out if you had survived or not." My mother started to well up as I took her hand.

My father was still, he reached over to place a kiss on my head as he whispered through his emotions, "My dear girl."

It was enough for me in this moment to have them all here with me until…

"Where's Tommy?" Joe asked innocently.

I couldn't answer for fear that I would cry even more. I just looked down at my lap shaking my head.

"He didn't make it?" My father asked surprised.

"I don't know, I haven't heard anything."

"Violet there's someone here to see you." Hope rose in me slightly that they had been keeping him from me. But that hope soon went away as mother reassured me that they hadn't found him either.

"No, it's not _him_ Violet. It's Robert. He found us out after seeing that we were alive. He came looking for us and helped us find you."

My heart sank. This was an unexpected turn of events. Did Robert still want to marry me? After all he knew nothing about Tommy…unless.

"Did you tell him about Tommy?"I asked frantically.

"No, we uh…didn't think that was the best thing to do." My father informed me.

I nodded.

My mother held my hand tighter seeing the battle within myself. "Violet, we still don't expect you to hold your promise to him." She seemed hesitant to continue until I looked up into her eyes. "But, if Tommy, if we find out the worst, Robert could make a very good match for you."

I couldn't even think of marrying anyone else until I found out what happened to Tommy. Even if I did find out he was dead, how could I go on?

"I can't see him right now. Please tell him I just want to be with my family right now." I actually never wanted to see him, I wanted to put it off as long as I could manage.

My father left the room. I was surprised when my father came back almost immediately. Robert must have been right outside the room.

"He said he understood and didn't wish to cause you any discomfort, but wanted you to know how happy he was that you were safe."

"That's very kind of him." I replied, very surprised. Maybe he wasn't the odious man I thought he was.

My family and I stayed together in the room until they were told that visitation was over. They reassured me they would be back tomorrow. The doctor said I could leave with them. I tried to sleep that night but it was getting increasingly hard as the days went by with absolutely no news. My hope was fading. The last thing I thought of before I drifted to sleep was Tommy. _If he was alive, was he trying to find me too?_

* * *

The next morning my mother had brought some clothes for me to change into. I didn't recognize them as she handed them to me.

"Robert took the liberty in replacing some of our belongings." She eyed me, afraid of my reaction.

I was taken back at his generosity to me and my family and also terrified. I didn't want to feel obligated to owe him anything for what he was doing for us. But maybe I was completely wrong about him, perhaps he was completely selfless and only did these things to help us. As my mother helped me in my dress I noticed how expensive it must have been. The pink satin was trimmed with off-white lace that hung over my shoulders. I felt very uncomfortable in it. I was ready to start a different life away from all of this. But here I was literally being placed back into everything I was ready to leave behind. It made me miss Tommy all the more.

"Mother, I have to find Tommy, I have to find out what happened to him." I started to cry again as my mother held me to her.

"Violet, we can do nothing. We have to be patient and wait for the final list of people."

"I feel like I've let him down," I blubbered through more tears, "He would have never left me."

"Violet, you were taken from the waters because you showed signs of life. Do you think he would have wanted you to stay behind?"

I knew the point she was trying to make, but I couldn't answer her.

"Please Violet, do not tell me you regret being saved." My mother looked pained at the thought.

Again, I couldn't answer. She took my hands in hers, "Promise me, you will never regret that you had a chance to live. Even if Tommy didn't make it, please don't ever regret living."

"How can I ever think about being glad to be alive when he was the one that convinced me there was something worth living for?" I looked to mother for an answer, hoping she had one to give.

She only squeezed my hands tighter, "We'll get through this and we will find out what happened to him. I want to get you better first, you're still not well."

I nodded in agreement, hoping the sooner I felt well the sooner I could find out anything about Tommy.

After a few farewells to some of the other ladies I got to know I left for home with my mother. Where that home would be I didn't know. On the street there was a car waiting for us. The driver opened the door for my mother and I feared to learn whom the car belonged to but didn't question it. I had a feeling I already knew who lent us this transport.

After we sat in the car for a few moments, I learned that we were on our way to Robert's house. On top of everything that he had already done for my family he was offering us a place in his home. Everything was out of my control. I felt I was stepping back into my former life without a conceivable way out. I didn't have any other choice but to be thankful and smile while I was doing it. But that didn't mean I was happy about it.

My family was safe and we were together, but I knew I would never be the same without Tommy back in my life. As soon as I met Robert I was going to do anything I could to find out if Tommy was alive.

We drove through the streets of New York, which made me miss home even more than before. The paved streets and cold buildings didn't hold a candle to the rolling hills of the English countryside. I missed the crisp air, and the green fields. I even came to miss the people and their pointless dinner parties.

We traveled for a few ours out of the city, which made me feel more at ease, and turned on an off road path that went on for about a mile or so. The driveway we came to paved the way to an intimidating mansion. It was a massive building with spires and columns that pointed towards the cloudy sky. The car rolled up the front where the servants waited in a line to receive us. It made even more uncomfortable that I was expected. I nervously got out of the car, trying not to trip over my new dress.

My father came forward to lead my mother and me through the front door, which I swear was massive enough to belong on a castle. I kept my eyes down afraid to look around me. I didn't wish to feel intimidated by class anymore. When we entered the spacious room I stole a peek at the ceiling that reached far above where a crystal chandelier hung like a flame in mid air. Everything was surprisingly modern considering that outside of the mansion looked like it still belonged to the dark ages.

A deep voice startled me from my musings. A lean man with slicked back hair and dressed in a tweed suit came forward hesitantly.

"I'm so glad you're all here." He said it to my mother and father but I could see he eyed me curiously, like he didn't want to spook me.

"Thank you Robert," my father said as my heart froze, "Please let me introduce my daughter, Violet."

I stepped forward, trying not to show that I was shaking. The man…Robert, took my hand gently and said sweetly, "I'm very glad you are alright Miss Violet and that you have been reunited with your family." He stooped to kiss my hand.

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded. I noticed that he had kind green eyes, but no facial hair. _Not like Tommy._

The evening was spent showing my family and me around the house. I held no interest in it at all, as Robert told us of the history of the house. I didn't hide the fact that my mind was elsewhere. Here I was, stuck in a stuffy mansion, while my Tommy was out there somewhere. It all felt wrong to me. Guilt hit me like a crashing wave. I had to hold onto the banister of the stairs as we passed it so I didn't fall onto the floor.

"Violet are you alright?" Robert asked me, his voice laced with worry.

"I…just need to lie down. I don't feel well." I said holding my head in my hands. I tried to shake the feeling of dizziness from me, but couldn't while standing up.

"Of course." Without another word Robert led me to a room, which I assumed was made to be mine while we stayed here, and laid me on the bed. Without another thought I fell asleep quickly.

* * *

_Same day…_

I had searched for days after news of Titanic's sinking hit the papers. I was on lunch break, taking a smoke when I heard some of the other lads talking about it. I had to read it myself to believe it. Worry struck me that my brother hadn't survived. I got leave from work to go and find out what happened to him. I knew I would miss a couple days pay, but this was my brother and my boss showed enough compassion to let me off.

First I went to the publishing house to see if they had a list of survivors. They told me they hadn't received a complete one yet. I left feeling my stomach as heavy as a rock. I regretted ever leaving my family in Ireland to come here. I should have taken Tommy boy with me when I had the chance. I had to remind myself that he was the one that had to stay behind for our mother. I had always planned to save enough to take back to them in Ireland, but that never happened. Work was good, but rent, food, and other necessities, were hard to keep.

The second place I tried was the morgue. The thought of finding my brother there was enough to make me sick. I read that they had picked up bodies from the sea, it must have been terrible. Thankfully I got no where there either.

As I walked the bustling streets you could hear it on everyone's lips, the Titanic. No one ever thought anything like this could happen. Especially since they dubbed it 'unsinkable'. I remembered the note Tommy wrote me, he sounded so excited to be coming over, even more excited to be traveling on the Titanic. I couldn't wait to see him. It felt like I hadn't seen him since he was a young lad. He probably looked more like a man now. The thought of me not being able to see him for all those years made me stop in my tracks. If he didn't survive I didn't know what to do, I had no one.

I made my way to the hospital, determined to get to the bottom of this. I knew that many of the survivors had been taken to various hospitals to recover. I was willing to search every single one of them. But I was hopeful that luck would lead me in the right direction. I came to the front desk and informed one of the staff what I was doing.

"I'm looking for me brother, Tommy Ryan. Do ye have em 'ere?"

"We have so many, some with no names. We are doing our best to get them sorted, but it's been difficult. I can take you to see for yourself." The nurse told me, she looked exhausted, no doubt everyone was trying their best to make sure the survivor were well looked after.

"Much obliged." I followed her through to the west wing. To my utter surprise it was filled with people. I knew there weren't many survivors to begin with, but they certainly filled the room.

"You can take a look around for him, but make sure you don't bother anyone else." She was sterner than I took her for.

"Thank ya." I nodded to her walking further into the room.

I looked around at all the sad faces. I couldn't even begin to imagine what everyone went through only a few nights ago. The thought that my brother was on that ship made me cringe. I couldn't protect my baby brother that night, but I was determined to look after him once I found him. I had to find him, I didn't have any other option.

I walked slowly through the room hoping to catch a glimpse of him when I realized that I didn't even know what he looked like now. _Would he be taller? Would he look like me or our da?_ It dawned on me that I was looking for a complete stranger. I saw a family that was reunited, a girl, a young boy, and their parents, they seemed happy. _Lucky_, I thought. It gave me reassurance that I would feel the same with my brother next to me.

Giving up hope I left, ready to try the next hospital. I walked further down the street. The next hospital was well beyond three or four miles away, so I wasted no time in getting there quickly.

It was getting a little warmer as the summer months were getting closer. I still had to wear a heavy jacket in the city. There was nothing here to keep your bones dry and warm. I cupped my hands to breathe some life into them, I gave up and stuck them in my pockets.

I passed a news boy reading the latest story: "Bruce Ismay put on trial! Held accountable for the sinking of Titanic! Read the verdict here!"

I heard that most of the White Star Line and some of the big wigs responsible for Titanic, were being put in trial and questioned what went wrong that night. _Those bastards_. If it were true that this could have been avoided then they had a lot of blood on their hands, including my brothers.

I scoffed at myself, I couldn't be sure that he was among the unlucky ones, but my hope was dwindling.

I made it to the next hospital just before the sun set. I told them what I told the first hospital staff and they took out a long list of survivors.

"Sorry, no Tommy Ryan here." The man told me.

"Is there any way I can take a look? Jus' ta be sure? Did everyone give their name?"

"There were a few no-names, but I'm not allowed to let you through."

"Please, I need ta find me brother." I pleaded with him, I could feel myself starting to lose sanity over this crazy situation.

"Well I can take a look for you. What does he look like?"

"Well, I think he has blonde curly hair. Blue eyes, he's twenty five. He should be as tall as me, maybe taller?"

"You think? You don't sound so sure."

"Et's along story, please will ya look fer me?"

"I'll be right back."

I felt like I paced the room over and over again waiting for the man to come back with good news. It had turned dark out and I knew I was running out of time. I was about to inquire again when the man came up behind me.

"Will you come with me?" He asked gravely.

I nodded my head and followed silently. He took me to a quite room where all the lights were turned down. There must have been twelve beds with a sleeping body in it, at least I hoped they were sleeping. My stomach dropped as I wasn't quite sure what this room was for. The man led me through towards the end. The beds we passed held men that I could tell were alive, some had bandages on them as they slept while others sat up reading and talking to each other quietly.

He stopped at the end and pointed towards the bed near the window.

"That's the only one that matches your description. He's John Doe to us."

I stepped forward slowly, afraid that this wouldn't be him, and if it was I was afraid how I would react. I peered closer at the sleeping form until he shifted slightly. I waited patiently for my presence to be known, all the while my heart was hammering in my chest.

When the figure turned to me and opened his eyes, he squinted trying to get a better look at me, which I suspect must have been hard with all the dim lights in here.

"Sean?"

My knees gave out as I heard my little brother's voice. I couldn't believe he was alive. He was flesh and blood right before my eyes. I reached out to him, making sure he was real. I wrenched him to me, almost violently, as we embraced.

"Jaysus, Tommy I'd thought ye'd gone." I wasn't one for crying. I cried when our mother died and I cried now. We held each other not only because he was alive, but I hadn't seen him in years. It felt like seeing someone for the first time, but realizing you've known them your whole life. This was my baby brother with me, but he wasn't a baby any more.

I held him away to look at him. "Lemme look at ya. Christ I'm glad yer alrigh'"

"Me too."

"Are ye alright? Yer not sick or dyin' are ye?"

"No, no, but they want to keep me any ways."

"That's not so bad then. They said you were a John Doe? Wha's tha' about?" I asked, nervous that something was really wrong with him.

"I couldn't remember my name fer awhile. They said memory loss was caused by lack of oxygen or something. In truth I couldn't tell you I remember anything that happened on the Titanic."He said to me as he rubbed his head in what looked like frustration. "I still don' think they believed me when I told em my name."

"Maybe that's a good thing brother. Best ta forget somethings." I tried to reassure him.

"I got the feeling that there was something though, something important, but I just can't place it, it's been knocking at me for days. I can't shake it."

"If it's important enough, it'll come ta ya, in time."

"I hope so. But I'm glad ye found me, I've missed ya."

"Me too little brother."

A/N: I'm evil and I know it.


End file.
